When I was young I hated being corrected, not in the sense that I got mad or prideful, and was like "how dare they' but that I would allow that rebuke to crush my spirit. Correction used to be devastating to me, I would cry or tear up over almost any mistake I made when it was pointed out. I rarely argued back that I was in the right though, (at least until I became a teen) and usually accepted that I had done wrongly. I just hated to disappoint, I hated to mess up, and really desired to please those I respected and loved. I was fragile in that sense, and really took things to heart, I saw correction like punishment or failure, even when done lovingly.
This attitude, or behavior of being overly sensitive to correction lasted into adulthood. In my early twenties I still got upset and sometimes, tearing up occasionally, when I was corrected. I remember at one point a boss sat me down and told me in a private meeting that I had to learn not to take correction as a personal attack that I needed to see the good that could come out of it, and not be so sensitive. She said that I needed to look at correction differently, not as a failure, but as an area I needed to improve in. She said it was good that I became repentant and tried to do better after correction, but I that I had to stop letting it hurt me, it wasn't fair to myself or those who had corrected me.
I didn't understand then what she meant and I had no idea how to change my reactions to correction. But as time has gone on and I started to get to know God more my reactions are slowly changing. I am starting to learn how to shift my focus when I am corrected from how I failed, to what I can do better. I am learning to appreciate genuine loving correction because I know that the people doing this want to see me succeed. I am learning through God's word how correction is blessing, not meant to hurt or offend but to keep us on the path of righteousness and lead us into a closer relationship with our Father. Now I don't cry or tear up when I am corrected, I may still feel my flesh rise up in the sting of it, but I am learning to quickly turn that sting over to the Lord and let Him use it to guide me into better practices. I am learning to trust Him even in correction and accept the truth in of His word in verses like Hebrews 12:11, which says 'For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.' Because I am seeing it happen in my life.
As I accept correction with the right attitude and let it teach rather than wound I am discovering there is more peace in my soul, and I learn new things or ways of doing and being. I learn new strengths in myself that I never knew, and I find my way is made easier by obedience to the Lord. If you are like me and have struggled with correction I ask you to try to learn to look at the fruit of correction rather than the sting, give the hurt of it to the Father and let the correction change your course with the help of the Holy Spirit. Be blessed.
Proverbs 15:32
Whoever ignores instruction despises himself, but he who listens to reproof gains intelligence.
Ezekiel 36:26-27
26 And I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh. 27 And I will put my Spirit within you, and cause you to walk in my statutes and be careful to obey my rules
John 14:26
But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, he will teach you all things and bring to your remembrance all that I have said to you.
2 Timothy 3:16-17
16 All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, 17 that the man of God may be competent, equipped for every good work.
Thursday, June 11, 2015
Wednesday, June 10, 2015
Enduring Through the Trials
Have you ever imagined what it would be like to sit at the feet of Jesus and listen to Him speak? To have that opportunity to know Him deeper and learn His heart? What an overwhelmingly wonderful, beautiful feeling I think it would be to sit in His presence like that. I have been thinking about that a lot the last few days because all I really want is more time in Him. The more chaotic the world becomes with all hoops and things we have to jump through to get the house, and all the other extra responsibilities I have in my family right now, plus the usual work load, I find that I am longing for Him more than ever, longing to be closer to Him, longing for His peace, and I find myself seeking Him more to fill that need.
Before I came to the Lord though, before I had a deep relationship with Him it wasn't like this. Three years ago these things would have crushed me under the weight of their burdens, I wouldn't have sought the Lord for comfort then, I would have begged Him for release and became angry when it didn't happen. I didn't understand then that sometimes we had to walk through the bad, to see the glory. I didn't spend time with Him then like I do now, I didn't really know God well at all, and despite saying "I love God," or "God is first" I didn't really live that way. I didn't seek the Lord then, not really... I prayed without listening then, and I demanded my way. I looked to preachers to tell me who God was instead of opening His book and finding out for myself. My relationship with Him then was in all reality all about me, and I had no idea what it felt like to really love God or know His love.
Since then Lord's peace has entered my life and He is now my deepest desire, the more crazy the world around me gets the more of Him I know I need to face it. Instead of running to a preacher, or a therapist, or reading self-help books to deal with problems and find the answers I need, I run to Yeshua, my source of everything, my friend and constant provider. I am learning that there truly is no such things as too much God in your life, only too little. With Yeshua I am able to withstand the storms raging against me and find my way out of the darkness and lies that try to move me off course. I am learning there is only true peace in His presence, and I find myself wanting to reject the world more all the time for Him.
I sit here with tears in my eyes typing this thinking of how wonderful and merciful our Father is. Today has been so hard, everything has worked me up and it has been so difficult to stay calm, it has been a day of distractions, and aggravation but each time I come back to His word I again find myself at peace once more. With everything that has been thrown at us lately I know and understand more than ever that I NEED God, that it is Him who gives us true peace, it is Him who provides, and it is only our Lord who can fill the empty spaces in us, only God who can change us. Be Blessed.
Psalm 23:4
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me
Psalm 34:17-18
When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears and delivers them out of all their troubles. The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit
John 16:33
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”
Romans 5:1-5
1 Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, 2 through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we boast in the hope of the glory of God. 3 Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4 perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5 And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us
Hebrews 12:2
Looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God
Before I came to the Lord though, before I had a deep relationship with Him it wasn't like this. Three years ago these things would have crushed me under the weight of their burdens, I wouldn't have sought the Lord for comfort then, I would have begged Him for release and became angry when it didn't happen. I didn't understand then that sometimes we had to walk through the bad, to see the glory. I didn't spend time with Him then like I do now, I didn't really know God well at all, and despite saying "I love God," or "God is first" I didn't really live that way. I didn't seek the Lord then, not really... I prayed without listening then, and I demanded my way. I looked to preachers to tell me who God was instead of opening His book and finding out for myself. My relationship with Him then was in all reality all about me, and I had no idea what it felt like to really love God or know His love.
Since then Lord's peace has entered my life and He is now my deepest desire, the more crazy the world around me gets the more of Him I know I need to face it. Instead of running to a preacher, or a therapist, or reading self-help books to deal with problems and find the answers I need, I run to Yeshua, my source of everything, my friend and constant provider. I am learning that there truly is no such things as too much God in your life, only too little. With Yeshua I am able to withstand the storms raging against me and find my way out of the darkness and lies that try to move me off course. I am learning there is only true peace in His presence, and I find myself wanting to reject the world more all the time for Him.
I sit here with tears in my eyes typing this thinking of how wonderful and merciful our Father is. Today has been so hard, everything has worked me up and it has been so difficult to stay calm, it has been a day of distractions, and aggravation but each time I come back to His word I again find myself at peace once more. With everything that has been thrown at us lately I know and understand more than ever that I NEED God, that it is Him who gives us true peace, it is Him who provides, and it is only our Lord who can fill the empty spaces in us, only God who can change us. Be Blessed.
Psalm 23:4
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me
Psalm 34:17-18
When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears and delivers them out of all their troubles. The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit
John 16:33
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”
Romans 5:1-5
1 Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, 2 through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we boast in the hope of the glory of God. 3 Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4 perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5 And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us
Hebrews 12:2
Looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God
Monday, June 8, 2015
Fighting To Stay In Peace
On Friday I couldn't write, I couldn't think straight, my flesh and the spirit were at war and the crossfire was exhausting. I tried multiple times to write something, starting many post only to delete them, nothing seemed to work. I tried working on my novel, and my testimonial book, but they couldn't get my attention either, there was just so much chaos in my soul I couldn't do anything but beg for peace. I knew the Lord was working though, I could feel the spirit moving I just had to try and focus on Him, but it wasn't easy. I pushed through, ignoring the mounting and ever loudening negativity of my mind, battling back against the lies and doubts and fears that were surfacing by doing everything I could to stay in the spirit, prayer, devotionals, reading the Word, and listening to worship music. I came home from work and watched sermons, and Christian films, anything I could to focus my mind above, and on higher things. I praised God through the torment in my mind, and eventually the Lord's peace won out.
By evening I was once more at peace, my soul had been settled in the Lord's comfort, and despite being tired from all the mental stress of the day, I was happy and grateful to be free of my earlier turmoil. As I looked back on the day's struggle I knew it was all about the lesson. What lesson did I learn? It is in the spirit that we have the strength to overcome the flesh. It is in God we have strength, and in Him alone is there peace.
I knew that was true before this experience, but Friday nailed that in for me. As I struggled through the day the only time I had peace or felt good at all was the time I spent with Him, but each time I let my focus off of Him the flood returned causing me again to feel chaotic, and to even lose my temper more than once. But then I would return to the efforts of focusing on Him and the chaos would flee. My whole day was like that until 7pm, the time I was set to stop fasting, after that I had peace the rest of the night, and rejoiced in it praising my King!
I wanted to share this short testimony to remind everyone of what I was reminded of, our Lord is the Prince of Peace, and through Him all things are possible. We don't have to stay frustrated or confused we can seek Him and by drawing near Him the devil will flee. In His presence we can find clarity, direction, and comfort. Be blessed in the name of Yeshua.
Psalm 4:8
In peace I will both lie down and sleep; for you alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety.
Isaiah 9:6-7
Isaiah 26:3
You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you.
Romans 8:6
For to set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace.
By evening I was once more at peace, my soul had been settled in the Lord's comfort, and despite being tired from all the mental stress of the day, I was happy and grateful to be free of my earlier turmoil. As I looked back on the day's struggle I knew it was all about the lesson. What lesson did I learn? It is in the spirit that we have the strength to overcome the flesh. It is in God we have strength, and in Him alone is there peace.
I knew that was true before this experience, but Friday nailed that in for me. As I struggled through the day the only time I had peace or felt good at all was the time I spent with Him, but each time I let my focus off of Him the flood returned causing me again to feel chaotic, and to even lose my temper more than once. But then I would return to the efforts of focusing on Him and the chaos would flee. My whole day was like that until 7pm, the time I was set to stop fasting, after that I had peace the rest of the night, and rejoiced in it praising my King!
I wanted to share this short testimony to remind everyone of what I was reminded of, our Lord is the Prince of Peace, and through Him all things are possible. We don't have to stay frustrated or confused we can seek Him and by drawing near Him the devil will flee. In His presence we can find clarity, direction, and comfort. Be blessed in the name of Yeshua.
Psalm 4:8
In peace I will both lie down and sleep; for you alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety.
Isaiah 9:6-7
6 For to us a child is born,to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. 7 Of the greatness of his government and peace there will be no end. He will reign on David’s throne and over his kingdom, establishing and upholding it with justice and righteousness from that time on and forever. The zeal of the Lord Almighty will accomplish this
Isaiah 26:3
You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you.
Romans 8:6
For to set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace.
Thursday, June 4, 2015
Honor Thy Father and Thy Mother
When I was a teenager I was a mouthy little brat. I was disrespectful to my parents, I took them for granted and abused their love by not appreciating what I had in them. Everything they said or did was wrong and unfair, and I was more than willing to voice my opinion about that, usually in a vulgar way. Before this though I had a really good relationship with my parents, I was daddy's princess and I told everyone he was the king, my mom was my best friend and I did all that I could to help her and make her happy. Before I became a teenager I adored my dad, and my mom was a superhero with all she did for us. But somehow, we went from that to almost every morning starting with a screaming match at 6am between me and my dad. Somehow I had gone from loving and adoring them to suddenly seeing them as oppressors, stifling my freedom and ruining my life. Somehow I had started to resent my parents and I am not sure why, but I blame it on a few things hormones, bad influences in my choice of friends, pride, resentment, and not having yet discovered my morning attitude adjuster, coffee.
During high school I had a lot of responsibility at home compared to most of the other kids I knew and went to school with, some of my friends joked about me being Cinderella because I was endlessly doing chores or attending to my sister. For this reason I was angry at my parents. I resented the responsibility they had given me, not realizing it was actually a sign of the trust they had in me or that it was a teaching tool for when I would someday have my own home. I wanted the freedom that most of the kids I knew had, freedom to go and do whatever, whenever, but my parents knew that wouldn't be good for me. They knew and understood from their past mistakes that in the long run that kind of life led to major problems, so out of their love for me, they gave me rules, boundaries, responsibilities, and corrected me when I rebelled. As an adult I now see that my parents raised me the way God instructed in Proverbs 22:6 "Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it." I understand now that they did what they did because it was best for me, and out of love. I understand now that each time I was corrected, and grounded that it was for my benefit, because correction comes from love not hate. Proverbs 13:24, says it this way "Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him." And I know this is love because Love Himself said in Revelation 3:19 "Those whom I love I rebuke and discipline. So be earnest and repent."
Being blind and arrogant at 18 though I didn't see any of this then, and I moved out, still angry and blaming them for my misery. I moved out supporting myself with two, sometimes three jobs, a couple thousand dollars stashed away in a savings account and in with friends who encouraged my pity party and resentment towards my parent's. I thought that living with them, I would finally have the freedom I craved. But at 20 I moved back home broke, in debt, and humbled. Living with these friends didn't turn out to be the freedom I had hoped for. Instead, it was worse than living with my parents. They took no responsibility for the home or bills, never having been taught they didn't know how nor did they really want too, but I did know how so it fell on me. In less than two years times I had gone through my entire savings and my jobs still weren't enough to keep up with the bills, food, gas and debt I had incurred while trying to juggle all the responsibility in the home and keep up at college. My roommates were supposed to pay me back for the bills I paid and the gas I used in taking them everywhere, but rarely did they, often saying they already had paid me, when I knew they hadn't.
Eventually, God stepped in and put Nick in my path. As I shared with him my struggles, my unhappiness in my roommates, my debt, why I was working three jobs while going to school fulltime, and my fears of returning home he helped me to see things differently, more clearly than I had in a while. He got me to realize that my parents had never been the problem, just my perception of my circumstances. He told me, as someone who grew up without a dad and with a mom who had a chronic illness most of his life, how lucky I was to have two parents. He made me see that while yes I had had a lot of responsibility when I was growing up, it had also prepared me for life and having my own home and family. As Nick helped point out the error of my ways my heart started to feel remorse. I started praying after that about what I should do next, I knew I needed to tell them how wrong I had been, and thank them for allowing me to move back home after all the grief I had given them but I was afraid and didn't know that I could say it to their faces. Eventually, I wrote them letter and left it on the coffee table for them to read.
My parents showed me God's unconditional love at a time in my life when I didn't deserve it and welcomed me home without bitterness, or reminding me of how I had sinned against them and God. I won't lie and say that the letter fixed things, because it didn't, but it did help. My parents knew after that that I had seen the light, but it was the honor, respect, and love that I have shown since then that has healed the relationship and won back their trust and respect. As I started to apply God's commands to love others (John 15:17) and to honor our parents (Exodus 20:12) to my life; we healed together, and have all been moving closer to God as a family. The forgiveness my parents have shown me still blows me away, and I can really only credit God with that, I know that His hand was over us every step of the way. Repentance, forgiveness, faith and loving like God and through God has healed this wound and I hope that anyone reading this learns from what I've shared.
I chose to write about this today because yesterday I ran into my mom and little sister at the mall. As we chatted my shameful behavior from the past came up somehow. I remembered my actions towards them well and what I did to earn back my parents respect, and show them how truly sorry and repentant I was. As we spoke and joked about my bad behavior as a teen I thought about my sister who is now 14, and my younger cousins, I thought about the young teens who read my post online and I wanted to share my story with them as a warning and a reminder. I wanted them see how God and my husband taught me once more to appreciate my parent's love, and how learning to love, respect and appreciate my parents again has healed the relationship I broke. I cannot go back and change the ways I wronged my parents by the disrespect I showed them, but if I could I would. I caused them and myself more misery than I will probably ever realize, but it doesn't have to be the same for someone else. You can start the process now of showing them the respect and honor they deserve. Remember, no one has perfect parent's, they are just people too, and they really aren't trying to ruin your life, they just want to keep you safe and on the right path. Be blessed today and everyday.
Exodus 20:12
“Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you"
Proverbs 20:20
If one curses his father or his mother, his lamp will be put out in utter darkness.
Proverbs 29:15
The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother.
Ephesians 6:1-3
1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 “Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise— 3 “so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.”
Colossians 3:20
Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.
During high school I had a lot of responsibility at home compared to most of the other kids I knew and went to school with, some of my friends joked about me being Cinderella because I was endlessly doing chores or attending to my sister. For this reason I was angry at my parents. I resented the responsibility they had given me, not realizing it was actually a sign of the trust they had in me or that it was a teaching tool for when I would someday have my own home. I wanted the freedom that most of the kids I knew had, freedom to go and do whatever, whenever, but my parents knew that wouldn't be good for me. They knew and understood from their past mistakes that in the long run that kind of life led to major problems, so out of their love for me, they gave me rules, boundaries, responsibilities, and corrected me when I rebelled. As an adult I now see that my parents raised me the way God instructed in Proverbs 22:6 "Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it." I understand now that they did what they did because it was best for me, and out of love. I understand now that each time I was corrected, and grounded that it was for my benefit, because correction comes from love not hate. Proverbs 13:24, says it this way "Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him." And I know this is love because Love Himself said in Revelation 3:19 "Those whom I love I rebuke and discipline. So be earnest and repent."
Being blind and arrogant at 18 though I didn't see any of this then, and I moved out, still angry and blaming them for my misery. I moved out supporting myself with two, sometimes three jobs, a couple thousand dollars stashed away in a savings account and in with friends who encouraged my pity party and resentment towards my parent's. I thought that living with them, I would finally have the freedom I craved. But at 20 I moved back home broke, in debt, and humbled. Living with these friends didn't turn out to be the freedom I had hoped for. Instead, it was worse than living with my parents. They took no responsibility for the home or bills, never having been taught they didn't know how nor did they really want too, but I did know how so it fell on me. In less than two years times I had gone through my entire savings and my jobs still weren't enough to keep up with the bills, food, gas and debt I had incurred while trying to juggle all the responsibility in the home and keep up at college. My roommates were supposed to pay me back for the bills I paid and the gas I used in taking them everywhere, but rarely did they, often saying they already had paid me, when I knew they hadn't.
Eventually, God stepped in and put Nick in my path. As I shared with him my struggles, my unhappiness in my roommates, my debt, why I was working three jobs while going to school fulltime, and my fears of returning home he helped me to see things differently, more clearly than I had in a while. He got me to realize that my parents had never been the problem, just my perception of my circumstances. He told me, as someone who grew up without a dad and with a mom who had a chronic illness most of his life, how lucky I was to have two parents. He made me see that while yes I had had a lot of responsibility when I was growing up, it had also prepared me for life and having my own home and family. As Nick helped point out the error of my ways my heart started to feel remorse. I started praying after that about what I should do next, I knew I needed to tell them how wrong I had been, and thank them for allowing me to move back home after all the grief I had given them but I was afraid and didn't know that I could say it to their faces. Eventually, I wrote them letter and left it on the coffee table for them to read.
My parents showed me God's unconditional love at a time in my life when I didn't deserve it and welcomed me home without bitterness, or reminding me of how I had sinned against them and God. I won't lie and say that the letter fixed things, because it didn't, but it did help. My parents knew after that that I had seen the light, but it was the honor, respect, and love that I have shown since then that has healed the relationship and won back their trust and respect. As I started to apply God's commands to love others (John 15:17) and to honor our parents (Exodus 20:12) to my life; we healed together, and have all been moving closer to God as a family. The forgiveness my parents have shown me still blows me away, and I can really only credit God with that, I know that His hand was over us every step of the way. Repentance, forgiveness, faith and loving like God and through God has healed this wound and I hope that anyone reading this learns from what I've shared.
I chose to write about this today because yesterday I ran into my mom and little sister at the mall. As we chatted my shameful behavior from the past came up somehow. I remembered my actions towards them well and what I did to earn back my parents respect, and show them how truly sorry and repentant I was. As we spoke and joked about my bad behavior as a teen I thought about my sister who is now 14, and my younger cousins, I thought about the young teens who read my post online and I wanted to share my story with them as a warning and a reminder. I wanted them see how God and my husband taught me once more to appreciate my parent's love, and how learning to love, respect and appreciate my parents again has healed the relationship I broke. I cannot go back and change the ways I wronged my parents by the disrespect I showed them, but if I could I would. I caused them and myself more misery than I will probably ever realize, but it doesn't have to be the same for someone else. You can start the process now of showing them the respect and honor they deserve. Remember, no one has perfect parent's, they are just people too, and they really aren't trying to ruin your life, they just want to keep you safe and on the right path. Be blessed today and everyday.
Exodus 20:12
“Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you"
Proverbs 20:20
If one curses his father or his mother, his lamp will be put out in utter darkness.
Proverbs 29:15
The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother.
Ephesians 6:1-3
1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 “Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise— 3 “so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.”
Colossians 3:20
Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.
Wednesday, June 3, 2015
Direction For the Journey
This morning I sat down to type but only got frustrated. I couldn't focus, I felt like I was in chaos, but I tried my best to resist the flesh and not get upset about it. Instead I tried listening to worship music, reading a devotional with the twins I care for, and a lot of praying. I prayed most of the morning, but it didn't feel like enough. So, then I got out my prayer journal and began writing to God. I don't know why it is, but sometimes that's the easiest way for me to communicate, even with God. As I wrote out my problems and my praise, as I took my heart to the Lord peace started to settle on me, and I realized some of what had been causing me that chaotic feeling.
This morning I re-shared a post that I had written a while back about how to know if you were in God's will or not. I didn't know it then but this post was something I needed reminded of. When Nick and I first saw the house we are buying in life and not just in pictures, we knew it was ours. I was confident of that, it felt right. But we had asked several people we trusted to pray with us for confirmation anyway, we didn't want to step out of God's will and felt the counsel of many would either re-affirm us or re-direct us. Almost everybody came back with the same words "it's a gift from the Lord" which was something that our agent had randomly said to me too at one point. One person contradicted that word, and I told them since I had had confirmation opposing what they said I would continue to seek the Lord on that, but precede as was until I knew for sure, not wanting to back out of deal without being certain, they seemed angry, but I felt sure that was the right thing to do.
I continued to seek the Lord, and over and over again was given the same messages I had been receiving "It's a gift from the Lord" "You're walking into your inheritance," but this other person's words have been plaguing my mind and causing me to doubt. Everyday I have been seeking the Lord asking Him to settle things for me, as if He hadn't already been doing that. This morning the chaos felt like more than I could bare. I wanted to cry, I felt peace and chaos struggling inside and I just wanted to hear His voice so I knew with certainty and could let go of whatever was wrong. Suddenly I realized I had been focusing on the contradicting word instead of the confirmation I was receiving, and I allowed that doubt to steal my joy and praise, I allowed it to take my focus off what God was doing and began looking for signs that everything was going to fall apart. When I re-read my earlier post from today about discerning His voice, and peace in His purpose, I realized I had known the truth all along, I felt it from the start, but had let one voice cause me to doubt myself, the people I trusted, and the words I was receiving from God. I had allowed doubt to take root in my heart and it had led me into chaos. Now, I am again feeling confident, certain of our course and buying this house. I again feel settled and joyous as we move closer everyday to our closing date and I give God all the glory for that.
I decided to share this struggle with you today because I think most of us have experienced this at some point. We receive a word, or a promised blessing, and as we wait, doubt sets in; much like Sarah and Abraham with their promise. Sometimes we let that doubt become bigger than the promise like I did and it causes inner chaos. All I can really say about that is, when it happens, seek the Lord but make sure you're listening too, make sure you are discerning, and make sure there is peace and confidence in your soul about what you are doing. The Lord will take you places you are uncomfortable with, He will ask you to do hard things, and it's natural to doubt, but He will also strengthen you as you go and He will give you confidence in your course and not let you journey alone. He is the lamp unto our feet, a light on our path, gently leading us towards an eternity in His awesome presence. Be blessed and confident brothers and sisters.
Psalm 27:3
Though an army encamp against me, my heart shall not fear; though war arise against me, yet I will be confident.
Proverbs 14:26
In the fear of the Lord one has strong confidence, and his children will have a refuge.
Romans 15:13
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.
Hebrews 10:35-36
Therefore do not throw away your confidence, which has a great reward. For you have need of endurance, so that when you have done the will of God you may receive what is promised.
This morning I re-shared a post that I had written a while back about how to know if you were in God's will or not. I didn't know it then but this post was something I needed reminded of. When Nick and I first saw the house we are buying in life and not just in pictures, we knew it was ours. I was confident of that, it felt right. But we had asked several people we trusted to pray with us for confirmation anyway, we didn't want to step out of God's will and felt the counsel of many would either re-affirm us or re-direct us. Almost everybody came back with the same words "it's a gift from the Lord" which was something that our agent had randomly said to me too at one point. One person contradicted that word, and I told them since I had had confirmation opposing what they said I would continue to seek the Lord on that, but precede as was until I knew for sure, not wanting to back out of deal without being certain, they seemed angry, but I felt sure that was the right thing to do.
I continued to seek the Lord, and over and over again was given the same messages I had been receiving "It's a gift from the Lord" "You're walking into your inheritance," but this other person's words have been plaguing my mind and causing me to doubt. Everyday I have been seeking the Lord asking Him to settle things for me, as if He hadn't already been doing that. This morning the chaos felt like more than I could bare. I wanted to cry, I felt peace and chaos struggling inside and I just wanted to hear His voice so I knew with certainty and could let go of whatever was wrong. Suddenly I realized I had been focusing on the contradicting word instead of the confirmation I was receiving, and I allowed that doubt to steal my joy and praise, I allowed it to take my focus off what God was doing and began looking for signs that everything was going to fall apart. When I re-read my earlier post from today about discerning His voice, and peace in His purpose, I realized I had known the truth all along, I felt it from the start, but had let one voice cause me to doubt myself, the people I trusted, and the words I was receiving from God. I had allowed doubt to take root in my heart and it had led me into chaos. Now, I am again feeling confident, certain of our course and buying this house. I again feel settled and joyous as we move closer everyday to our closing date and I give God all the glory for that.
I decided to share this struggle with you today because I think most of us have experienced this at some point. We receive a word, or a promised blessing, and as we wait, doubt sets in; much like Sarah and Abraham with their promise. Sometimes we let that doubt become bigger than the promise like I did and it causes inner chaos. All I can really say about that is, when it happens, seek the Lord but make sure you're listening too, make sure you are discerning, and make sure there is peace and confidence in your soul about what you are doing. The Lord will take you places you are uncomfortable with, He will ask you to do hard things, and it's natural to doubt, but He will also strengthen you as you go and He will give you confidence in your course and not let you journey alone. He is the lamp unto our feet, a light on our path, gently leading us towards an eternity in His awesome presence. Be blessed and confident brothers and sisters.
Psalm 27:3
Though an army encamp against me, my heart shall not fear; though war arise against me, yet I will be confident.
Proverbs 14:26
In the fear of the Lord one has strong confidence, and his children will have a refuge.
Romans 15:13
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.
Hebrews 10:35-36
Therefore do not throw away your confidence, which has a great reward. For you have need of endurance, so that when you have done the will of God you may receive what is promised.
Tuesday, June 2, 2015
Share When you Fail
Someone brought to attention yesterday something that I had noticed before too, this something has actually had a huge effect on why I write the way I do. What they mentioned was that many Christians writers don't talk about the struggle of choosing faith over flesh. Many will only write about what we be should doing, the laws and their success in it's fulfilment. Where in contrast I share with you my flesh response to the situations, and how with God's help the flesh can be overcome. I have shared with you my past and current failures. And honestly, I do this intentionally because of these other writers because of how I have felt reading those kinds of devotionals and post.
Before I began writing this blog I spent a lot of time reading blogs and devotionals online, I still do read quite a bit but not as much as this takes up a good bit of my time to do. Sometimes when I would read these devotionals or blog post by others the way they were written would leave me feeling like less, that these people were so righteous and good that I would never please God because I couldn't compare. Instead of reading their post and being encouraged in the Lord, I was beaten down because my walk could never measure up to the standards of these people or what these others were doing. I'll be honest that I did often learn much about scriptures from these post, but I never felt like I could relate to the writer because they were too perfect. These post built my knowledge, but kept me afraid of the throne because I felt undeserving of approaching or serving Him.
Then I started writing again, and at first I meant for this blog to be an outlet for introducing people to my books, but the Lord had other plans for my writing and took over without me being really aware. When I realized that after just a month or two my posts had moved away from me and my books, onto the Lord I began praying. I told God if this was what He wanted me to do, I would, but I wasn't going to hide my failings. I knew how that type of post had made me feel, and I really didn't see how I could point people to God or encourage their faith when I was un-relatable and not being honest about my thoughts and feelings. Not long after that I started hearing lots of sermons on sharing our brokenness, on how by hiding our hurts and struggles we were actually doing damage to the church body and causing people to feel alienated, like something was wrong with them or their faith because they struggled, how it was this false ideal that has been portrayed of Christians having a blessed and perfect life that has caused many to turn and run when things get hard. This seemed like confirmation to me and so I have from that point tried to be as honest as I can while still protecting the privacy of my relatives and friends.
I shared all of that to say, it is important to not be afraid to share when you fail. Don't be afraid to share your struggles. Don't hide the testimony God has given you through that struggle, because someone else needs to hear it or God wouldn't have given you that testimony. The Bible tells us to share in the burdens of our brothers ( Ecclesiastes 4:9-12, Galatians 6:2, Romans 15:1), to lift them up (1 Thessalonians 5:11, Hebrews 10:24-25, 1 Corinthians 14:26), but we can't do that when we are hiding behind a mask of false perfection. To help each other heal we must be willing to share the brokenness and how God sees us through, we must be willing to share our struggles against the flesh and how to resist in Jesus' name, and we need to pray for and with each other as we grow and persevere to produce the fruits of the spirit. We need to be willing to be seen for what we all are, a work in process, a lump of clay being formed in the Master Potter's hands. Be Blessed dear brothers and sisters.
Psalm 66:16
Come and hear, all you who fear God, and I will tell what he has done for my soul
Psalm 71:15-18
2 Corinthians 12:9
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
2 Timothy 1:8-12
8 So do not be ashamed of the testimony about our Lord or of me his prisoner. Rather, join with me in suffering for the gospel, by the power of God. 9 He has saved us and called us to a holy life—not because of anything we have done but because of his own purpose and grace. This grace was given us in Christ Jesus before the beginning of time, 10 but it has now been revealed through the appearing of our Savior, Christ Jesus, who has destroyed death and has brought life and immortality to light through the gospel. 11 And of this gospel I was appointed a herald and an apostle and a teacher. 12 That is why I am suffering as I am. Yet this is no cause for shame, because I know whom I have believed, and am convinced that he is able to guard what I have entrusted to him until that day.
Before I began writing this blog I spent a lot of time reading blogs and devotionals online, I still do read quite a bit but not as much as this takes up a good bit of my time to do. Sometimes when I would read these devotionals or blog post by others the way they were written would leave me feeling like less, that these people were so righteous and good that I would never please God because I couldn't compare. Instead of reading their post and being encouraged in the Lord, I was beaten down because my walk could never measure up to the standards of these people or what these others were doing. I'll be honest that I did often learn much about scriptures from these post, but I never felt like I could relate to the writer because they were too perfect. These post built my knowledge, but kept me afraid of the throne because I felt undeserving of approaching or serving Him.
Then I started writing again, and at first I meant for this blog to be an outlet for introducing people to my books, but the Lord had other plans for my writing and took over without me being really aware. When I realized that after just a month or two my posts had moved away from me and my books, onto the Lord I began praying. I told God if this was what He wanted me to do, I would, but I wasn't going to hide my failings. I knew how that type of post had made me feel, and I really didn't see how I could point people to God or encourage their faith when I was un-relatable and not being honest about my thoughts and feelings. Not long after that I started hearing lots of sermons on sharing our brokenness, on how by hiding our hurts and struggles we were actually doing damage to the church body and causing people to feel alienated, like something was wrong with them or their faith because they struggled, how it was this false ideal that has been portrayed of Christians having a blessed and perfect life that has caused many to turn and run when things get hard. This seemed like confirmation to me and so I have from that point tried to be as honest as I can while still protecting the privacy of my relatives and friends.
I shared all of that to say, it is important to not be afraid to share when you fail. Don't be afraid to share your struggles. Don't hide the testimony God has given you through that struggle, because someone else needs to hear it or God wouldn't have given you that testimony. The Bible tells us to share in the burdens of our brothers ( Ecclesiastes 4:9-12, Galatians 6:2, Romans 15:1), to lift them up (1 Thessalonians 5:11, Hebrews 10:24-25, 1 Corinthians 14:26), but we can't do that when we are hiding behind a mask of false perfection. To help each other heal we must be willing to share the brokenness and how God sees us through, we must be willing to share our struggles against the flesh and how to resist in Jesus' name, and we need to pray for and with each other as we grow and persevere to produce the fruits of the spirit. We need to be willing to be seen for what we all are, a work in process, a lump of clay being formed in the Master Potter's hands. Be Blessed dear brothers and sisters.
Psalm 66:16
Come and hear, all you who fear God, and I will tell what he has done for my soul
Psalm 71:15-18
15 My mouth will tell of your righteous deeds, of your saving acts all day long—though I know not how to relate them all. 16 I will come and proclaim your mighty acts, Sovereign Lord; I will proclaim your righteous deeds, yours alone. 17 Since my youth, God, you have taught me, and to this day I declare your marvelous deeds. 18 Even when I am old and gray, do not forsake me, my God, till I declare your power to the next generation, your mighty acts to all who are to come.
2 Corinthians 12:9
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
2 Timothy 1:8-12
8 So do not be ashamed of the testimony about our Lord or of me his prisoner. Rather, join with me in suffering for the gospel, by the power of God. 9 He has saved us and called us to a holy life—not because of anything we have done but because of his own purpose and grace. This grace was given us in Christ Jesus before the beginning of time, 10 but it has now been revealed through the appearing of our Savior, Christ Jesus, who has destroyed death and has brought life and immortality to light through the gospel. 11 And of this gospel I was appointed a herald and an apostle and a teacher. 12 That is why I am suffering as I am. Yet this is no cause for shame, because I know whom I have believed, and am convinced that he is able to guard what I have entrusted to him until that day.
Monday, June 1, 2015
Choosing Faith Over Flesh
One of the hardest things to do is to trust God when the circumstances aren't good, when what's happening doesn't make sense, when it is upsetting, or hurtful. When its seems like what is happening is unfair and at the worst possible time. It's hard in those moments to look at your circumstances and say "I know you wouldn't allow this to happen Lord if you didn't have a plan of how it would bring about glory in your name. This sucks and I'm upset, but I am going to trust you and press in even deeper." It's hard to say that, and harder to act on in those moments, but this is something I had to do yesterday.
Before I go into what happened yesterday, let me give you some back story, as some of you may know my husband and I are in the process of buying a house, one that we are really blessed to be getting. The incident that occurred yesterday did not directly relate to the house, but it could have caused us to not be able to afford to purchase it had I not caught this situation right away and decided to take action. This same thing has been happening 1-3 times a year for the last 6 or 7 years, each time setting me back anywhere from $20-$300, once its all said and done between the money that was lost and the bank fees from bounced checks. What I saw happening prior to theses fees was some strange transitions would start showing up on my bank account when I checked my monthly statements or on the mobile app, often on the app the transactions disappeared the next day, only to reappear after my account was overdrawn. Each time this has happened I have gone to the bank with my transaction book, I would be angry and upset, as anyone would, and I would try to talk to someone at the bank to get help and figure out what happened. By the end of my conversation with them I would usually end up just chalking the whole thing up to, "oh I must have forgotten to write that down," and move on. Then I would accept the bank's penalties fees for being overdrawn, believing it must have been my own mistake.
Probably about two months ago I noticed it happening again. I reported it to the bank, switched debit cards, and thought everything would be fine after that. I thought since I changed my card it would finally stop, I knew with certainty it wasn't a matter of me needing to pay attention, because I am now extremely careful. Then yesterday, when I signed into my account to balance my checkbook, it had happened again. This time, the charges added up to over $120 in purchases in one weekend that I knew for certain I had not made. This obviously left me very upset, I had written out two very large checks just that day, one for my rent and one for a ride-on lawn mower that my friend was picking up for us from an auction. Either one of these going through after the charges appeared yesterday would have set us back in a huge way. Not only because of the $120 that went missing but the fees from these other checks that would have then bounced causing more fees, all of this could have had devastating effect to our buying this home.
I won't lie when I saw this I was angry, I was furious! I wanted to scream and shout "Why? Why do you keep allowing this to happen every time I get a little ahead? I'm so careful now Lord!" but as I sat staring at my account, grieved by what I saw and its possible ramifications, as I began to question the Lord as to why He keeps allowing this to happen I realized what I needed to do. Instead of sitting there feeling sorry for myself, instead of calling Him into question, I needed to trust Him, and His plans. I needed to trust that somehow this could be used for His glory. I needed to realize that there is nothing the enemy can take, that God can't or wouldn't restore. I needed to realize my provision is not in those bank account balances but in the Lord, and also I needed to realize now that I knew without doubt that something fishy was happening with my account I needed to take the right action to stop this from happening again. As I prayed on this revelation of how I should respond the Lord settled my heart and squelched my anger. As I began trusting that God somehow could use this situation, that despite what things looked like at the moment that we would prevail through the circumstances because of the Lord with us, I was able to calmly decide with my husband how we should handle things, and precede from there.
I wanted to share with you what happened yesterday, not because everything is all better now, because honestly, I don't quite know financially how things really stand at the moment, but because even in the bad stuff God is good. Yesterday in my moment of need, in my moment where I was giving into the flesh, God showed up and said to trust Him. Yesterday when rage tried to win and steal my joy, God reminded me that His plans always prevail. Yesterday when I wanted to curse and be vulgar in my wrath, God quieted my soul and told me to be still, that He would make everything right again if only I choose faith over the flesh. I don't know what is going to happen now to be honest, I know we will still be okay to buy the house with help from my folks, but I don't know if this will happen again after I switch banks, but today I am choosing faith over fear and trusting God. Be blessed.
Joshua 21:45
Not one of the good promises which the LORD had made to the house of Israel failed; all came to pass.
Isaiah 41:10
Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
Matthew 6:25-27
25 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?
1 Corinthians 10:13
No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.
Before I go into what happened yesterday, let me give you some back story, as some of you may know my husband and I are in the process of buying a house, one that we are really blessed to be getting. The incident that occurred yesterday did not directly relate to the house, but it could have caused us to not be able to afford to purchase it had I not caught this situation right away and decided to take action. This same thing has been happening 1-3 times a year for the last 6 or 7 years, each time setting me back anywhere from $20-$300, once its all said and done between the money that was lost and the bank fees from bounced checks. What I saw happening prior to theses fees was some strange transitions would start showing up on my bank account when I checked my monthly statements or on the mobile app, often on the app the transactions disappeared the next day, only to reappear after my account was overdrawn. Each time this has happened I have gone to the bank with my transaction book, I would be angry and upset, as anyone would, and I would try to talk to someone at the bank to get help and figure out what happened. By the end of my conversation with them I would usually end up just chalking the whole thing up to, "oh I must have forgotten to write that down," and move on. Then I would accept the bank's penalties fees for being overdrawn, believing it must have been my own mistake.
Probably about two months ago I noticed it happening again. I reported it to the bank, switched debit cards, and thought everything would be fine after that. I thought since I changed my card it would finally stop, I knew with certainty it wasn't a matter of me needing to pay attention, because I am now extremely careful. Then yesterday, when I signed into my account to balance my checkbook, it had happened again. This time, the charges added up to over $120 in purchases in one weekend that I knew for certain I had not made. This obviously left me very upset, I had written out two very large checks just that day, one for my rent and one for a ride-on lawn mower that my friend was picking up for us from an auction. Either one of these going through after the charges appeared yesterday would have set us back in a huge way. Not only because of the $120 that went missing but the fees from these other checks that would have then bounced causing more fees, all of this could have had devastating effect to our buying this home.
I won't lie when I saw this I was angry, I was furious! I wanted to scream and shout "Why? Why do you keep allowing this to happen every time I get a little ahead? I'm so careful now Lord!" but as I sat staring at my account, grieved by what I saw and its possible ramifications, as I began to question the Lord as to why He keeps allowing this to happen I realized what I needed to do. Instead of sitting there feeling sorry for myself, instead of calling Him into question, I needed to trust Him, and His plans. I needed to trust that somehow this could be used for His glory. I needed to realize that there is nothing the enemy can take, that God can't or wouldn't restore. I needed to realize my provision is not in those bank account balances but in the Lord, and also I needed to realize now that I knew without doubt that something fishy was happening with my account I needed to take the right action to stop this from happening again. As I prayed on this revelation of how I should respond the Lord settled my heart and squelched my anger. As I began trusting that God somehow could use this situation, that despite what things looked like at the moment that we would prevail through the circumstances because of the Lord with us, I was able to calmly decide with my husband how we should handle things, and precede from there.
I wanted to share with you what happened yesterday, not because everything is all better now, because honestly, I don't quite know financially how things really stand at the moment, but because even in the bad stuff God is good. Yesterday in my moment of need, in my moment where I was giving into the flesh, God showed up and said to trust Him. Yesterday when rage tried to win and steal my joy, God reminded me that His plans always prevail. Yesterday when I wanted to curse and be vulgar in my wrath, God quieted my soul and told me to be still, that He would make everything right again if only I choose faith over the flesh. I don't know what is going to happen now to be honest, I know we will still be okay to buy the house with help from my folks, but I don't know if this will happen again after I switch banks, but today I am choosing faith over fear and trusting God. Be blessed.
Joshua 21:45
Not one of the good promises which the LORD had made to the house of Israel failed; all came to pass.
Isaiah 41:10
Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
Matthew 6:25-27
25 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?
1 Corinthians 10:13
No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.
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