In February of this year my husband and I got the news we had long expected and hoped for, we were going to be parents. We were joyous, nervous, scared and elated. But soon after that joy was replaced by fear, not fear over the pregnancy but fear of how we would provide for our child when in March my employers said that I couldn't bring the baby to work with me ( I worked as a nanny) and that I would have to make other arrangements or leave my position. They felt this was what was best for their children and I cannot begrudge them that, but other arrangements for us was out of the question. We could not afford a babysitter so that I could babysit, we could not afford daycare so that I could care for someone else's children, and no one in our families would be able to watch the baby because either they were working or their health was too poor. With our only option being that I find other employment that wouldn't require daycare or babysitting for our child, we were frightened.
After getting the news I cried out to God, I literally wept as I prayed, declared faith in Him, and asked for His help, His provision. And in response He gave me a word from Matthew to hang onto over the following months, Matthew 6:25-34, and peace that reached to the depths of my soul, settling me and giving strength to move forward and begin the search.
Things became more difficult, more scary and tense as the medical bills came in and began mounting. I was losing my job and I didn't know when, we had no insurance, and had to pay out of pocket for everything, and we couldn't get any assistance because we made too much with what I was currently making. Debt loomed over us and we still didn't know how God would see us through, how we would make these payments, keep our house, and keep the car my husband needed for his job. Things were getting worse, but still I remembered the word God gave me, and when I forgot or got too scared, God reminded me and we marched on believing in His provision.
In April we found hope in a customer service position through Fed-Ex where I could work from home. This was exactly the kind of job I needed, it came with benefits, a 401(k), and pension plan, and the salary was just about the same as I had been making. It meant some sacrifices, some changes to our lifestyle, but in the end it would be worth it and I applied. This was not the only relief we were given either, around this same time my dad gave us a small sum of money to help pay down some of the debt and keep us afloat until the job situation was figured out. At this time I was still working but we had no clue for how long.
In May came more bad news, June 10 was to be my last day; I still didn't have a job, and now only had 6 weeks to find one. Not only that but my previous visit to the doctor had raised some concerns, the baby was fine but the doctor was worried that things were not as they should be with me and ordered an array of test and a sonogram to make sure. In April fear had overrun me and I had backslide before God got my attention and refocused me once more on Him. This time though I refused to run scared and battled through prayer and praise, believing and knowing in my heart God never fails, He would provide just in time and my womb would be healed by His great grace and healing.
Now on June 12th I am overjoyed to share with you that our God is the God of miracles, a provider and a healer! After all that we went through these last 4 months we are standing in awe of His goodness to us. Recently I went back to the doctor, and everything was exactly as it should have been! I was in great health and so is Jack, our son due October 6. But not only was I healed, I got the Fed-ex job and will start on June 20th! For months I have known I was brought into a season where God was going to show me how He would, could and does provide for His children, how He is my source for all, and in my moments of doubt there was always a message that reminded and strengthened me in that belief. And now at the end of this difficult season I have a deeper love and trust for God than ever before, I am grateful to a depth I had not previously known and hopeful for the future. Be blessed and encouraged my brothers and sisters, God hears your prayers and answers.
Psalm 37:4-6
Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him, and he will act. He will bring forth your righteousness as the light, and your justice as the noonday.
Matthew 15:28
Then Jesus answered her, “O woman, great is your faith! Be it done for you as you desire.” And her daughter was healed instantly.
Philippians 4:19
And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.
Hebrews 4:16
Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.
Tuesday, June 14, 2016
Monday, June 6, 2016
Careful Who You Listen too
Be careful who you listen too, whose advice and words you allow into your heart and mind, not everyone is after your best interest. Some people will make things up, others will repeat lies to you and all for the purpose of their own desires, or acting out in their pain and wanting you to hurt too. This person can be family or a friend, an acquaintance or someone you've known for years, but before believing everything they tell you looking at their character and track record may be a good idea. I'm not saying to call them a liar, or to be unforgiving towards them, but to simply guard your heart from words that are likely untrue and very dangerous to your own heart and potentially others.
As I usually try to do I am speaking from experience here. Words can create problems, destroy lives, happy marriages, and break hearts. They are more powerful than we know, reaching deep inside us and either lifting us up, or tearing us down. They can heal or they can hurt, so it becomes important to realize whose words you allow in and whose words you disregard.
I learned this lesson about 8 years ago when Nick and I were still dating, actually at this point we hadn't been dating long, only a couple of months. I had just moved back into my parent's house on Nick's advice at this point and was distancing myself from my roommate, on the advice of a word planted in my spirit one night as I had been speaking to her over the phone. The word that came to me was this "When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me."(1 Corinthians 13:11). When that word hit me I knew it was time to move past that relationship, and I told her so, but she wasn't happy about that. Shortly after that conversation I would talk to her again for the last time, and in the course of it we would start to argue over Nick, again.
My friend had always been the pretty one, the one getting all the attention from the guys while I stood in the background or played 'wing girl' and backed her up; talking her up to the interested prospect. That is until Nick. To be honest she did catch his eye first, and he when we first met he wasn't sure which one of us he really wanted to call him first, so he set his number on the counter at the store where he worked and asked us both to call. My friend was tickled, and I was flattered, though I believed I had no chance against her. Then we got in the car and she started plotting about using Nick to get another guy she liked by making him jealous, it made me sick. I said nothing though and let it go, wishing in my heart to be the one he would like instead but fully expecting to play background as she carelessly used, and hurt one man to get another.
The night of our final conversation, I brought this up to her. I brought up her plan to use him and asked why she cared at all that he didn't want to date her when she was really after someone else in the first place. Instead of answering me though she turned the tables, and told me something that I believe she thought would cause me to break up with Nick and continue my friendship with her instead. What she said was meant to cause doubt in Nick's loyalty, it was meant to hurt me, and for a time it did stick with me, even though I still chose him. That night she told me that he always hit on her and flirted with her whenever she came in the store and I wasn't there. She told me I couldn't trust him and that he wasn't really interested me, that he was going to cheat on me.
The moment she said it several things came to mind, first the number of times I had caught her in lies; second her deceitful nature when it came to obtaining what she wanted, and third a conversation I had had with Nick after she called him the first and only time; a conversation that she had known nothing about. In that conversation Nick had told me that my roommate had called him while I was at work, I wasn't surprised and asked him when they would be going out. I felt disappointed but I had expected this and did my best not to look upset. But he told me then that they would not be going out, that after just a few minutes on the phone with her that he knew he didn't like her and that he had actually kind of hoped it would be me who would call him. I was shocked to say the least, and then gave him my number stating that I didn't believe girls should call guys first, that I was old fashioned with my ideas of dating and courtship. As I thought of these two things and looked at my friend's character and actions overall, not just towards me but with people in general I let her go for good, and continued to pursue my relationship with Nick.
For the first two years though that seed of doubt she planted would periodically raise up making me feel insecure, making me question him, the things I saw, and the relationship we had. Before dating Nick the boyfriend I had cheated on me constantly, sometimes flaunting it to me and other times hiding it from me, which I found out about after we broke up. These hurts and her words were usually buried beneath the surface, caged away where I didn't have to deal with them but occasionally they would surface and I would find myself alone in my room at night crying my eyes out wondering if he really loved me or if I was just the fool again. Eventually Nick proposed to me and I confessed my hidden insecurity to him, which he quickly laid to rest. For two years I had let her words and my past circumstances cause me unnecessary heartache but it ended after I talked to Nick about it. I have never again doubted him, and learned from that just how much someone's words can affect you, how they can cause pain and strife when you should be experiencing joy. I can't always stop it but I learned from this not to give every person's words power in my life, instead I look at their character, are they honest? Do they cause drama often? Do they take joy from hurting others? Do they get upset and vindictive if they don't get their way?
Guard your heart in Abba my friends, abide in Jesus and use wisdom when deciding what to believe and what not too. Don't give power to the things that can hurt you, that will steal your joy when you know the source isn't reliable, remember the enemy comes to steal, kill and destroy and he will use whoever he can to do that. Be blessed my family, in Yeshua's name.
Proverbs 6:16-19
There are six things that the Lord hates, seven that are an abomination to him: haughty eyes, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked plans, feet that make haste to run to evil, a false witness who breathes out lies, and one who sows discord among brothers.
Proverbs 12:18
There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.
Matthew 12:36-37
I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak, for by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned.”
Ephesians 4:29
Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.
As I usually try to do I am speaking from experience here. Words can create problems, destroy lives, happy marriages, and break hearts. They are more powerful than we know, reaching deep inside us and either lifting us up, or tearing us down. They can heal or they can hurt, so it becomes important to realize whose words you allow in and whose words you disregard.
I learned this lesson about 8 years ago when Nick and I were still dating, actually at this point we hadn't been dating long, only a couple of months. I had just moved back into my parent's house on Nick's advice at this point and was distancing myself from my roommate, on the advice of a word planted in my spirit one night as I had been speaking to her over the phone. The word that came to me was this "When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me."(1 Corinthians 13:11). When that word hit me I knew it was time to move past that relationship, and I told her so, but she wasn't happy about that. Shortly after that conversation I would talk to her again for the last time, and in the course of it we would start to argue over Nick, again.
My friend had always been the pretty one, the one getting all the attention from the guys while I stood in the background or played 'wing girl' and backed her up; talking her up to the interested prospect. That is until Nick. To be honest she did catch his eye first, and he when we first met he wasn't sure which one of us he really wanted to call him first, so he set his number on the counter at the store where he worked and asked us both to call. My friend was tickled, and I was flattered, though I believed I had no chance against her. Then we got in the car and she started plotting about using Nick to get another guy she liked by making him jealous, it made me sick. I said nothing though and let it go, wishing in my heart to be the one he would like instead but fully expecting to play background as she carelessly used, and hurt one man to get another.
The night of our final conversation, I brought this up to her. I brought up her plan to use him and asked why she cared at all that he didn't want to date her when she was really after someone else in the first place. Instead of answering me though she turned the tables, and told me something that I believe she thought would cause me to break up with Nick and continue my friendship with her instead. What she said was meant to cause doubt in Nick's loyalty, it was meant to hurt me, and for a time it did stick with me, even though I still chose him. That night she told me that he always hit on her and flirted with her whenever she came in the store and I wasn't there. She told me I couldn't trust him and that he wasn't really interested me, that he was going to cheat on me.
The moment she said it several things came to mind, first the number of times I had caught her in lies; second her deceitful nature when it came to obtaining what she wanted, and third a conversation I had had with Nick after she called him the first and only time; a conversation that she had known nothing about. In that conversation Nick had told me that my roommate had called him while I was at work, I wasn't surprised and asked him when they would be going out. I felt disappointed but I had expected this and did my best not to look upset. But he told me then that they would not be going out, that after just a few minutes on the phone with her that he knew he didn't like her and that he had actually kind of hoped it would be me who would call him. I was shocked to say the least, and then gave him my number stating that I didn't believe girls should call guys first, that I was old fashioned with my ideas of dating and courtship. As I thought of these two things and looked at my friend's character and actions overall, not just towards me but with people in general I let her go for good, and continued to pursue my relationship with Nick.
For the first two years though that seed of doubt she planted would periodically raise up making me feel insecure, making me question him, the things I saw, and the relationship we had. Before dating Nick the boyfriend I had cheated on me constantly, sometimes flaunting it to me and other times hiding it from me, which I found out about after we broke up. These hurts and her words were usually buried beneath the surface, caged away where I didn't have to deal with them but occasionally they would surface and I would find myself alone in my room at night crying my eyes out wondering if he really loved me or if I was just the fool again. Eventually Nick proposed to me and I confessed my hidden insecurity to him, which he quickly laid to rest. For two years I had let her words and my past circumstances cause me unnecessary heartache but it ended after I talked to Nick about it. I have never again doubted him, and learned from that just how much someone's words can affect you, how they can cause pain and strife when you should be experiencing joy. I can't always stop it but I learned from this not to give every person's words power in my life, instead I look at their character, are they honest? Do they cause drama often? Do they take joy from hurting others? Do they get upset and vindictive if they don't get their way?
Guard your heart in Abba my friends, abide in Jesus and use wisdom when deciding what to believe and what not too. Don't give power to the things that can hurt you, that will steal your joy when you know the source isn't reliable, remember the enemy comes to steal, kill and destroy and he will use whoever he can to do that. Be blessed my family, in Yeshua's name.
Proverbs 6:16-19
There are six things that the Lord hates, seven that are an abomination to him: haughty eyes, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked plans, feet that make haste to run to evil, a false witness who breathes out lies, and one who sows discord among brothers.
Proverbs 12:18
There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.
Matthew 12:36-37
I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak, for by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned.”
Ephesians 4:29
Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.
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