Be careful who you listen too, whose advice and words you allow into your heart and mind, not everyone is after your best interest. Some people will make things up, others will repeat lies to you and all for the purpose of their own desires, or acting out in their pain and wanting you to hurt too. This person can be family or a friend, an acquaintance or someone you've known for years, but before believing everything they tell you looking at their character and track record may be a good idea. I'm not saying to call them a liar, or to be unforgiving towards them, but to simply guard your heart from words that are likely untrue and very dangerous to your own heart and potentially others.
As I usually try to do I am speaking from experience here. Words can create problems, destroy lives, happy marriages, and break hearts. They are more powerful than we know, reaching deep inside us and either lifting us up, or tearing us down. They can heal or they can hurt, so it becomes important to realize whose words you allow in and whose words you disregard.
I learned this lesson about 8 years ago when Nick and I were still dating, actually at this point we hadn't been dating long, only a couple of months. I had just moved back into my parent's house on Nick's advice at this point and was distancing myself from my roommate, on the advice of a word planted in my spirit one night as I had been speaking to her over the phone. The word that came to me was this "When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me."(1 Corinthians 13:11). When that word hit me I knew it was time to move past that relationship, and I told her so, but she wasn't happy about that. Shortly after that conversation I would talk to her again for the last time, and in the course of it we would start to argue over Nick, again.
My friend had always been the pretty one, the one getting all the attention from the guys while I stood in the background or played 'wing girl' and backed her up; talking her up to the interested prospect. That is until Nick. To be honest she did catch his eye first, and he when we first met he wasn't sure which one of us he really wanted to call him first, so he set his number on the counter at the store where he worked and asked us both to call. My friend was tickled, and I was flattered, though I believed I had no chance against her. Then we got in the car and she started plotting about using Nick to get another guy she liked by making him jealous, it made me sick. I said nothing though and let it go, wishing in my heart to be the one he would like instead but fully expecting to play background as she carelessly used, and hurt one man to get another.
The night of our final conversation, I brought this up to her. I brought up her plan to use him and asked why she cared at all that he didn't want to date her when she was really after someone else in the first place. Instead of answering me though she turned the tables, and told me something that I believe she thought would cause me to break up with Nick and continue my friendship with her instead. What she said was meant to cause doubt in Nick's loyalty, it was meant to hurt me, and for a time it did stick with me, even though I still chose him. That night she told me that he always hit on her and flirted with her whenever she came in the store and I wasn't there. She told me I couldn't trust him and that he wasn't really interested me, that he was going to cheat on me.
The moment she said it several things came to mind, first the number of times I had caught her in lies; second her deceitful nature when it came to obtaining what she wanted, and third a conversation I had had with Nick after she called him the first and only time; a conversation that she had known nothing about. In that conversation Nick had told me that my roommate had called him while I was at work, I wasn't surprised and asked him when they would be going out. I felt disappointed but I had expected this and did my best not to look upset. But he told me then that they would not be going out, that after just a few minutes on the phone with her that he knew he didn't like her and that he had actually kind of hoped it would be me who would call him. I was shocked to say the least, and then gave him my number stating that I didn't believe girls should call guys first, that I was old fashioned with my ideas of dating and courtship. As I thought of these two things and looked at my friend's character and actions overall, not just towards me but with people in general I let her go for good, and continued to pursue my relationship with Nick.
For the first two years though that seed of doubt she planted would periodically raise up making me feel insecure, making me question him, the things I saw, and the relationship we had. Before dating Nick the boyfriend I had cheated on me constantly, sometimes flaunting it to me and other times hiding it from me, which I found out about after we broke up. These hurts and her words were usually buried beneath the surface, caged away where I didn't have to deal with them but occasionally they would surface and I would find myself alone in my room at night crying my eyes out wondering if he really loved me or if I was just the fool again. Eventually Nick proposed to me and I confessed my hidden insecurity to him, which he quickly laid to rest. For two years I had let her words and my past circumstances cause me unnecessary heartache but it ended after I talked to Nick about it. I have never again doubted him, and learned from that just how much someone's words can affect you, how they can cause pain and strife when you should be experiencing joy. I can't always stop it but I learned from this not to give every person's words power in my life, instead I look at their character, are they honest? Do they cause drama often? Do they take joy from hurting others? Do they get upset and vindictive if they don't get their way?
Guard your heart in Abba my friends, abide in Jesus and use wisdom when deciding what to believe and what not too. Don't give power to the things that can hurt you, that will steal your joy when you know the source isn't reliable, remember the enemy comes to steal, kill and destroy and he will use whoever he can to do that. Be blessed my family, in Yeshua's name.
Proverbs 6:16-19
There are six things that the Lord hates, seven that are an abomination to him: haughty eyes, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked plans, feet that make haste to run to evil, a false witness who breathes out lies, and one who sows discord among brothers.
Proverbs 12:18
There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.
Matthew 12:36-37
I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak, for by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned.”
Ephesians 4:29
Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.
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