Someone said something to me yesterday here on google that was supposed to be insulting, but instead it got the wheels turning in my mind and made me more grateful than ever that I turned away from the world and back to Christ. This person who I honestly can't remember what their screen name was, said that I was probably a lot more fun or interesting, something like that, when I was still 'whoring after the ways of the world' which to them I'm sure is true and I know some who would agree with this person. But I know the truth of the situation I was in then and I know who I am now, and honestly I feel better now. I like me now, I no longer feel like I am dying inside, that I am condemned, or empty, or suicidal. I am not afraid like I used to be, instead I have a deep need for Yeshua, a desire to talk to Him in all that I do, to include Him, because in Him alone do I have peace and comfort for my soul, in Him I feel complete.
This person's words were meant to be hurtful and tear me down but instead they encouraged me in my walk. These words reminded me of the person I once I was, how I thought and told myself that I was having fun, that it was okay because I was young, but NONE of it ever made me really feel good inside. All of it stole a little from me at a time, leaving me disgusted and sick of myself, leaving me empty, and hurt. The world shattered me on the inside while on the surface I tried to make it look like I was having fun. I tried to fit in with my friends and seem like I enjoyed life the same way they seemed to be enjoying it, but the world couldn't offer me what I really wanted, what I really needed and what I was really searching for.
I wanted to feel good inside, I wanted to feel whole and safe and loved. I wanted to feel confident, and I wanted to like me. I wanted security, and peace of mind, I wanted joy and hope. I wanted a better future than the one I saw a head of me. I wanted freedom from the person I could no longer stand to look at in the mirror. I wanted to stop having to numb myself to avoid feeling pain, because I was starting to see that I didn't feel anything at all anymore. I was becoming cold, heartless, and cruel, but really I wanted to live life without the guilt, the shame, the rage, the bitterness and the emptiness that was eating away my soul. I wanted freedom from myself, but it wasn't until I surrendered my life to God and started to allow Him to change me that I received any of it.
The world could not offer me what I needed most because that is found in Jesus Christ alone. Only in the Son of God do we have abundant life(John 10:10), do we have freedom from sin(Galatians 5:1&13, 2 Corinthians 3:17, John 8:36), and the ability to overcome the world(John 16:33, 1 John 5:4-5, Revelation 12:11), only in Yeshua do we have the ability to walk through the storms of life with peace and hope. Only in Yeshua can we have access to the Father in heaven(John 14:6) and a new life(Romans 6:4). Only in Jesus have I been made complete(Colossian 2:10), and onto Him will I cling, because I know the world cannot offer what I have found in surrender. God bless you all and thank you for reading.
Ephesians 2:1-8
1 As for you, you were dead in your transgressions and sins, 2 in which you used to live when you followed the ways of this world and of the ruler of the kingdom of the air, the spirit who is now at work in those who are disobedient. 3 All of us also lived among them at one time, gratifying the cravings of our flesh and following its desires and thoughts. Like the rest, we were by nature deserving of wrath. 4 But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, 5 made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved. 6 And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, 7 in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus. 8 For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God
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