I have a sort of strange testimony about anxiety to share today, it's something that God did in my life that has taught me to appreciate the process He takes us through. Something that taught me that being patient and seeking Him is necessary. Something that taught me He can heal us in a moment, but that sometimes He takes us through the process for a reason. Through the testimony I am about to share I learned why the process is so important, why instant healing from things isn't always a good thing. I believe God gave me this testimony to share to help others in the same position I was in to understand that God isn't trying to hurt you, He isn't ignoring your prayers for relief, He wants you to have healing, but He also wants you to not get stuck in the same trap again.
In November it was four years since I had been baptized, and shortly after this God worked a miracle in my life. In the middle of the night one night I had a terrifying revelation of all the ways satan had been manipulating me, the scales fell away from my eyes and I suddenly saw with startling clarity. I had the worst panic attack of my life that night, I felt like I was dying and I called out to God for relief from it. My husband then woke up hearing my suffering and came to comfort me, he held me and listened as I told him what the Lord had shown me, as I confessed through tears the influence the enemy once held on me, how I had memories stolen from me that proved that God had been reaching out, when satan told me he wasn't. Then I felt I the Holy Spirit wash over me and I knew I was free from it. In that moment I was freed from anxiety, and I praised the Lord for it.
My freedom from anxiety didn't last though. Without going through the process of learning how to overcome it in Yeshua I was ill equipped to fight off the enemy when he returned and tried to influence me again. After six or seven months the anxiety was back, right where it had been, and then it began to escalate as the situations in my personnel life became strained. Soon the anxiety was full blown and worse than ever, accompanied by suicidal depression. Not knowing or understanding how to battle against this, I soon again became overwhelmed as I struggled in my flesh not to give in and tried using secular coping mechanisms. Let me just say, I am not putting these methods down, many, like self talk, are very good, but if you aren't using them in the spirit and with God they aren't really effective. For example, going with self talk, I could tell myself during a panic attack that I was safe a hundred times, but this had little to no effect, but when I started declaring the word or just calling "Jesus, Jesus!" as my 'self talk' this was extremely successful, why? James 4:7 says this, " Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you." Psalms 50:15, says this "and call on me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you, and you will honor me." When I switched my self talk to become God centered, when I started asking Him to handle that battle, I found relief because I was trusting in His abilities and not my own.
It took time for me to realize why this worked or that it even had to be honest, I at first took this all for granted, especially because it was only the momentary anxiety that would leave. I still struggled with racing thoughts from the moment I opened my eyes until I closed them. Falling asleep was difficult, staying a sleep harder, and waking up in the morning was a chore I wanted to skip. But it was about at this point that I heard a sermon by someone talking about these same issues in their life and how prayer at night and in the morning changed this, so I started doing that and started reading my bible every night before bed in addition to randomly reading through the day whenever the mood struck me. When I started to talk to the Lord in prayer as I feel asleep at night, falling asleep became easier, after a time my mind stopped racing and I now can fall asleep without any trouble. The same happened in the morning, where I used to wake up with racing thoughts and feelings of dread I now start praying as soon as my alarm goes off, and will often have praise and worship music filling my heart and head as a background to the prayers. I soon after realized or was given the revelation that the more I sought the Lord and stayed close to Him the less the devil could influence me.
This realization suddenly ignited my desire for God in a new way because to me it was the truth of His word and those verses I shared earlier coming alive in my life. When this happened the Bible became more than just words to me, they became alive and active as I realized they were true and in them was life. When I realized the Bible really was true, really was alive and effective and not just words on a page, but the very heart of God reaching out to us I sought God and stayed close to Him. Then I started to hand God other areas of my life too, I began trusting Him more and I continue to trust Him increasingly all the time as I see more and more the truth of His word in my life and other's. God healed me from anxiety in a moment but that moment didn't bring me to the end of myself, it didn't cause me to seek or lean on Him. While I was grateful and gave God the glory for it, I didn't show my gratitude by perusing Him and trying to deepen my relationship at that time. Instead I stayed pretty much lukewarm reading my bible only as a more frequent pass-time, until again I was overwhelmed by the influence of the enemy I had permitted into my life. By keeping God and His word at a distance I had no way to fight the enemy, I had no foundation for my faith. But as God took me through the battle, walking with me and teaching me to lean more and more on Him I saw the enemy flee, to the point where I now can stand in bad situations and say, as Paul did in Philippians 4:11, that I can be content in all circumstances. Even in my storms I have learned to look for and lean on Yeshua, learning to trust Him because He never fails and His word is true. This has given me peace, and hope to endure, this gives me strength, and has taught me that when we are dependent on the Lord we are truly strong and free. Be blessed in the name of our risen Lord, Yeshua, amen.
Deuteronomy 31:6
Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.”
Psalm 34:4
I sought the Lord, and he answered me and delivered me from all my fears
Psalm 37:39
The salvation of the righteous is from the Lord; he is their stronghold in the time of trouble.
Psalm 56:3
When I am afraid, I put my trust in you
Psalm 91:14-15
“Because he holds fast to me in love, I will deliver him; I will protect him, because he knows my name. When he calls to me, I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble; I will rescue him and honor him
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