God Brought Me Full Circle

       This morning as I drove into work I was thinking a lot on the cross, the sacrifice that gave me access to the Father in heaven, cleansed me of my sins and gave me new life in the resurrection of our Lord.  I thought about this new life, this new me and how lately, I have been told several times by people that I am a zealot. I thought about how I used to dislike those who I considered to be zealots, and the irony of now being considered one. I thought about how I found them to be annoying, because I didn't get what they were saying. How I thought they were full of bull crap when they would talk about the joy of the Lord and how God communicated with them. How I really couldn't understand the peace that seemed to envelope them even in times of stress and wondered if it was all an act. I couldn't understand the people who were truly devoted to God, that were so devoted that He was involved in every conversation and they saw that everything in life related back to God and so I rejected them, I sneered at them and rolled my eyes at their testimonies. I thought I hated them, but I was jealous to be honest, because I wanted what they had and didn't know how to get it, I didn't think I could or that I deserved it.
         Then the day came that I was finally broken enough to set aside my pride and start to really hand my life to God. I stopped just saying God was first and I started to really love God first. I started to make time for reading God's Word everyday, I started praying not just when I needed something but all throughout the day. I made it an everyday priority to spend time getting to know Him and to learn His word. As I did this I started to see how many of verses I was drawn to had to do with not being afraid and handing God my worry, something I had never really been able to do before. But with Jesus's help I learned to cast my worries unto the Lord (Psalm 55:22, 1 Peter 5:7) I learned to let go, to pray once or two for an issue then praise in the waiting, and when the worry would return to mind (which it always does) I spoke God's word to the worry. Whether it was a word of confirmation I had received, or another verse from the Bible, speaking God's word to my worry and over my situation gave me the ability to walk in the joy of the Lord, the perfect peace found only in the presence of God, and allowed me not to worry.
       As I worried less, I saw more and more His provision, which resulted in me trusting the Lord more. With this I began to see that as we trusted and 'worried not' our blessings and joy in life increased, and this increase in joy revealed to me what abundant life was. It's a life not missing pain or sorrow, it's not a life filled with material things. Abundant life is the joy of the Lord and being dependent on Him, its knowing that God's plans always stand, and that with God on your side the enemy can never overtake you. Abundant life is walking with Jesus knowing that no matter what comes your way you can lean on Him and He will carry you through. It's freedom from who you were to walk in this new life with Yeshua, to be free from guilt or shame or sin and this revelation set my soul on fire for God!
       These people who have called me a zealot aren't wrong, the flames of this fire have burned and increased over these last 3-4 years since I surrendered to God, and I'm starting see now how God brought me full circle. The Lord took me from rolling my eyes at people I considered zealots, to zealously writing page upon page to His glory. The Lord has taken me from someone who thought these zealots were full of crap, to not only accepting the truth of their testimonies and statements, but proclaiming the Word of God as truth and sharing my own testimony.  From the one calling people a zealot to try to deter or hurt them, to hearing it and meeting those words said in anger with a prayer for the person who spoke it. The Lord took me from a zealot hater to a zealot, and I am so grateful to have come back around to kneel before Him. I am grateful He didn't leave me in that place of bitterness but has taught me of the heart of those I despised. May you be blessed today and always, in Yeshua's name.

Psalm 31:19   
Oh, how abundant is your goodness, which you have stored up for those who fear you and worked for those who take refuge in you, in the sight of the children of mankind!