Sometimes we don't see or appreciate the people in our lives for what they are really doing because what they say or how they react isn't what we wanted. We get angry at them and say hurtful things, we pull away from them and feed that wrath with angry thoughts about all their mistakes or 'proof' that they don't really care. We listen to the little voice that says you are right and they are wrong and gives you the freedom to treat them anyway you choose, because they deserve it. We blind ourselves to all that they do and have done and only see their faults. We close ourselves off from them emotionally and react to them from the bitterness we built up, hurting both of you more.
That's what happened to me today, not that I was the angry with a person who had tried to help me(not that that hasn't happened before), but that someone I've been trying to help is angry at me. This person said that I never support them, that every time they come to me with something I turn it around, that I never take their side. While I can't disagree that I do turn the situation around, I do disagree that I never support them because I do everything I can to try to help them see what they are upset about in a bigger picture so they can get clarity over the situation and I encourage them in the positive aspects of their life. This person is fragile and easily hurt, I understand that and have been there. I understand getting angry hurt and upset when things don't go the way we want or how we feel they should, but I also know that staying stuck in those emotions isn't healthy, especially for this person who is easily drug into a negative mindset. So, I let them express their feelings, I listen and let them say what they have to, then I try to get them to see it from the other perspective too so they aren't just caught up in themselves, and their hurt. I try to get them to see and understand the whole situation to make the sting easier to bare, so they see it isn't as personnel as they are taking it.
But that's not what they see or hear, no matter how many times I tell them "I agree" and "I understand", or "I would feel the same," or "it's okay to feel that way but we can't stay angry we need to remember the difference in culture, age, sex," whatever the circumstances may be, all this person hears is me saying you're wrong. It's not what I'm saying at all really, but its how they feel and what they hear because I won't join in on the rant and I won't give them pity. I won't allow them to feel sorry for themselves, so I'm the bad guy. I always have something positive to remind them of, to try and turn their mood around, so I'm the bad guy. They want to be angry, they want to be justified in that anger, and they want everyone around them to agree and go 'poor you it shouldn't be like that, you're right and they are wrong' but I won't. I know ultimately it will do this person more harm than good to feed into this thought pattern, so I'm the bad guy. Because I try to help this person understand that while what they are feeling is natural, it's better to let the hurt and anger go, I'm wrong.
Being in this situation gives me a new gratefulness to God because I know for a long time this was Him reaching out to me. I know that again and again I rejected Him as He tried to help and heal, as He pointed me to release it all to Him. But stuck in my 'woe is me' mindset I lashed out at the only person really trying to help me, because I didn't want the help, I wanted to be angry. So, now after getting it all off my chest and praying most of the day, I've decided that instead of being angry back at this person, or letting their words continue to cut me as I did earlier today, I'm taking my advice. I'm looking at the bigger picture and letting go. I am going to continue to love them right where they are and let their anger be forgotten. I'm going to give them their space to express their rage and disappointment, but I will continue not to indulge in it myself, and most importantly I will keep praying for them. Thanks for reading as I went over the process of realizing I needed to just let go, God bless you!
Psalm 119:49-50
49 Remember your word to your servant, in which you have made me hope. 50 This is my comfort in my affliction, that your promise gives me life.
Romans 8:26-28
Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose
2 Corinthians 1:3-4
Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.
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