Something Missing

       When I was a little girl I didn't know much about God or Jesus, and I had really no clue about the Holy Spirit. I didn't have knowledge or understanding of these things like I do now, but I did love Jesus, I did love God and talked to Him. When I have thought back on being a child I have always remembered that as a really happy time in my life, nothing was missing then, I had my daddy, my mommy, a brother, a puppy, and Jesus, life was complete, although I did keep asking for a sister anyway. This feeling of love and being complete didn't last though, eventually the world got a hold of me and turned my head, leading me down a different path until suddenly I realized that something was missing deep inside of me.
       For most of my teen years I had no idea what the gapping hole in my heart was all about, but I blamed God for it because the perfect happy years of my childhood had ended and I now walked through the valley of the shadow of death without a light to guide me back out again. The world I saw then was dark and cruel, soul crushing and lonely, and the emptiness in my soul grew in the world of chaos and pain that surrounded me. The darkness of this barren world without God consumed me from the inside, turning me into someone who was cold and angry; someone who was lonely, bitter and broken just waiting to die.
       Then one day my mom suddenly decided that she wanted us to start going to church, I'm still not sure how that came about because to be honest, while both my parents are believers and always have been, they have never really been church goers. They had always taught us that it was most important to love God, and that church was a really good place to learn about Him, but not necessary to have faith or a relationship. So the whole church thing took me by surprise, but I went because she wanted me too, even if at that time my heart was in rebellion against the Lord. I didn't know it then but this would end up being the first step in finding the way back to what was missing in my heart.
       It wasn't the first or even the second Sunday that we went that started to lead me home to the Lord, it was actually months later, May of 2006, when the regular preacher was away and an older Pastor from the congregation stepped in for the day. He gave a fiery sermon on damnation and the need for repentance in our lives that left me shaking on the inside. Fearing for my soul, and seeing clearly my sins I rushed to the altar and said the prayer of salivation for the second time in my life, the first being when I was about 4 or 5. I consider this the day I was saved, but if I'm honest with you it is not the day I was made complete in Christ, it wasn't the day I figured out what was missing in my life, but it was the first very important step to getting there.
       For many years after this I was a lukewarm Christian, I was a hypocrite and a liar, trying to earn grace by serving the different churches I attended and making myself look good to the others at church. This only increased the emptiness. I prayed about this, wondering why I didn't feel complete if I had said the prayer, why was I still so unhappy. I heard about the joy of the Lord, and the life changing transformations that accepting  Jesus can manifest in someone's life, but I wasn't experiencing it, and there were times where I started to doubt that anyone really did. I will admit that I had many experiences during all this that actually should have convinced me of the truth; there were so many times He reached out to me while I was living that shallow life, but I didn't hang onto Him. I was a stubborn, I knew that I wanted Jesus, wanted to serve God, but I didn't want to need Him, I didn't want to turn into a Jesus freak, I desired Him but I wanted to keep Him at a distance too and that was the real problem, that was the real reason I wasn't experiencing the changes I heard others testify about.
       Finally He broke my stubborn will and put me in a place where I had to admit that I not only desired Him, but I needed Him too. This point of surrender was the life changing experience I had been hearing about. The world had come crashing down around me, but as soon as I surrendered I knew in my heart it was going to all be okay.  I gave Him all of my brokenness then, all of me, and have been increasingly dedicated since. Christ came in and made me whole that day, but it wasn't until recently that I realized it. Ever since He started to change me I have said I feel better, I like who I am now, I am finally happy again, but it was the other night walking with my husband along the shore of a lake at one of the local parks that I found myself thinking and almost said out loud, 'I feel complete, and I've been complete a long time now.' It was a startling, and joyful revelation for me! With Yeshua in my heart I am no longer missing anything I am complete, redeemed, and made new in His image!
       If you are feeling the way I did, incomplete, lonely, beaten down, and worthless, turn to Yeshua (Jesus). If you already have and you're still feeling that way, have you surrendered or are you still holding back like I did, too afraid to let go of yourself, and why? The Word tells us we are made complete in Jesus (Colossians 2:10) and that we were reconciled with God through Him (Colossians 2:14 among other places), if you believe this then letting go of your will for His is what you have been missing to experience the fullness of Christ, to experience completion in your soul. He is what is missing, and we can't feel whole without Him.
  

Isaiah 55:6-7
“Seek the Lord while he may be found; call upon him while he is near; let the wicked forsake his way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts; let him return to the Lord, that he may have compassion on him, and to our God, for he will abundantly pardon.

Ezekiel 11:19-20
And I will give them one heart, and a new spirit I will put within them. I will remove the heart of stone from their flesh and give them a heart of flesh, that they may walk in my statutes and keep my rules and obey them. And they shall be my people, and I will be their God.

Galatians 2:20
I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.

Revelation 3:20   
Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and eat with him, and he with me.