Love is Not Some Fairy Tale

       I just read a post that said "Your relationship should erase your tears, not your smile, true love doesn't hurt it heals" and while the idea is sweet and romantic, and there was certainly a time I would have +1 that post; I read it with different eyes today. Today my response to this post was, 'that's poppycock, an utter lie. A nice idea, a nice dream, but not truth.' It's post like that, comments and phrases like that, that give people the wrong idea about love, this statement would have you believe that your partner should never hurt you and heal all your brokenness, but that's not the way it works! That's not true to life.
       If you are looking for a partner to fix you, to take care of all your problems, and never hurt you, you will never be happy. You will be constantly ready to move on when you are yet again met with disappointment, and always it will be that other person's fault because 'they didn't really love you, if they loved you they wouldn't hurt you.' But the truth is, people will always hurt you, and people can't heal you. No one person has the ability to fix you, and no matter how much they love you at some point they will hurt you, what becomes important then is how you respond to that hurt. We can continue to blame others for our pain and push them away because we were hurt, or we can decide to meet them with forgiveness, love, and the understanding that they are human as well.
       I can say this as someone who once expected that after an awful relationship with the man I dated before I met my husband. I didn't at first expect Nick to heal me, or never hurt me, in fact at first I expected to be hurt and used because it was what I had become accustomed to. But after an entire year together I started to believe that he could heal the past hurts, and I started to believe he would never hurt me because he hadn't yet. This is when I would have quickly agreed with the post that I mentioned before. I would have thought about him and said 'this is true, look what Nick's done for me!' The reality of the situation though was not that he was healing me, I wasn't really healed at all, the same hurts and insecurities were there under the surface, I was just happier with him. The first time he hurt me made this abundantly clear because I reacted based on those fears and insecurities, and I pushed him away because I was hurt. It took a really long time for me to realize this, I am not sure that I was even really aware that I had done this until the distance between us became devastating to me and I started seeking the Lord on how to fix it, asking Him to heal my marriage. It was after this, after I sought healing from the Great Physician, that through His word and dreams He gave me that I was slowly humbled by the Lord and taught the errors of my actions and the expectations I had unwittingly placed on my spouse.               
       I learned there is really only one love capable of healing you, and its not the love of another human, it is God's love. If you want healing go to God, don't go looking for it in someone else because you will never find what you are looking for in someone who is just as flawed and broken as you. We can help each other, encourage each other, comfort each other but healing really starts inside of you, starts with the decision to change and is manifested by God in you as you draw near to Him. But, I'm not going to lie to you and say that you will never be hurt in this relationship either, because God is going to allow pain into your life, and He will hurt you by not giving you the things you want right away, and sometimes not at all. But those moments are meant to build you not break you, if you draw closer to Him during those times you will see this to be true.
       Love is not some fairy tale where we live happily ever after with Mr(s). Right, where we are never hurt. No; love is forgiveness, love is looking past your own suffering and choosing what is right anyway. Love is toughing it out in the hard times because it makes you stronger, and often better. Love is Jesus nailed to cross for you, for your sins to spare you from hell, love is Him overcoming death and setting us free, giving us access through Him to God the Father and eternal life. Be blessed.

Psalm 34:18
The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.

Psalm 73:26
My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

Psalm 147:3
He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.

Lamentations 3:22
The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end

John 3:16
“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.

John 14:27
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.