There has been so much stress in my life lately, some days have been better than other, some of it good stress, some of it bad but we are pushing through as a family. Lately though, as I've mentioned before, I have been struggling with this. Everything gets to be so overwhelming, and pushing on week after week through these difficulties gets tiring. Over Easter break I started to break down, to crack under the pressure. I started to have crying spells and was very over emotional. My husband is and has been very supportive, comforting me the best he can, but still I just couldn't seem to keep it together.
Finally, I asked my mom how was it that she hadn't broken down, how was it that she seemed to be handling the stress so much better than I was. Her answer wasn't what I had expected, but it was exactly what I needed to hear. She said "Jennifer, I did break down. I cried it all out. Then I picked myself up, said a prayer and marched on. Everyone has to break down some time, that's how you heal." Bam! This is what I needed, her words triggered memories for me of how often I do this. I bottle up my feelings, push them aside, and move on instead of processing them and truly giving them to the Lord. This is and has been a major stumbling block for me for long time, something I have done repeatedly that has in the past, and may have again if I hadn't talked to my mom, led me unwittingly back down the road into depression. I thank the Lord that I got brave enough to talk to my mom about this, and that her words were exactly what I needed.
This conversation with my mom reminded me of something else too, something I had written to someone else who was struggling before, 'sometimes we have to break, sometimes we have to fall, sometimes we have to crumble and admit that we aren't strong, because there is strength in vulnerability, strength in our weakness, when we trust our heart to the Lord.' It was something that helped them, something I had learned from scripture and experience, but in midst of the storm I had forgotten it. Not that I forgot to pray or talk it over with God, but that it's okay to break before my Lord, that's it's okay to say 'I can't do this God and I need you!'
In fact, that's what God wants us to do, He wants us to come running to Him and say 'Daddy please take care of this for me, please tell me what to do, and heal my heart. I can't do anything without you!' Because it is when we give Him our troubles and admit that we aren't strong that God will step in and show us His strength, glory, and mercy. It's when we crumble and let go of pride, when we allow our weaknesses to be evident that God can move in our hearts to heal us. Be Blessed.
Psalm 73:26
My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.
Psalm 147:3
He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.
Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.
John 14:27
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.
Philippians 4:7
And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
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