This morning and to be honest the last three mornings in a row, I have driven the 40 minutes into work with tears flowing down my face as I prayed. I have been at my wits end. Frustrated to the point of snapping, ready to lose my temper at a moments notice. I know this isn't how God wants me to be though, the Bible says in Proverbs 29:11 'A fool gives full vent to his spirit, but a wise man quietly holds it back.' I have been trying to do that, but I realized today as I prayed and cried again to the Lord about my frustration that I needed some Godly advice from a good friend because I wasn't seeing the whole picture anymore. Then as I continued to seek God in prayer it came to me to ask a certain sister in Christ for the needed advice and prayer support, and I am so glad I did!
It is always a humbling experience for me to ask for help from others, but I know that the Lord does not want us struggling alone, that's why He gives us friends or families to support us, its how He builds the bonds of trust between us. I know these things, and I believe them, but it is still hard for someone as independent and strong willed as myself to admit to anyone other than Jesus that I need help. I want to do things on my own, I want to handle things privately without bringing others in. But I am slowly learning this leaves me weakened spiritually. Why? Because pride is a sin and a sneaky one at that because it hides and you often can't see it until you follow your problems down to the root.
My pride has kept me struggling in secret, my pride has caused me to push issues that I had better left to the Lord in prayer, my pride has kept me from walking through this situation as I should have, my pride has whispered and lied to me saying I was doing everything right. My pride and my natural 'can do' attitude caused me to pray and pick back up, rather than letting go. I honestly didn't realize that was what I was doing before, but as I spoke with my friend and prayed about her words to me, and the advice she gave me, I began to see this. She actually didn't spot pride as part of the problem, that came to me as I prayed and meditated on our conversation and scripture, but she did point out that I might need to step back and just let the Lord work.
When I thought about that, and how she said to shake the dust from my feet I started to ask myself some questions and I didn't like the honest answers I found in my heart. I asked myself why I was pouring into someone who obviously didn't want to hear what I was saying, why I was continually allowing myself to be pulled into the same conversation that they weren't listening too to start with, why was I allowing these people to upset me and steal my peace? And the why I found was one that said 'because you know you are right.' That reason why changed everything for me today. I may be right, but if they aren't willing to listen then shouting at someone or getting into an argument with them certainly isn't going to help and it certainly isn't righteous behavior. All it has done is frustrate all both of us by keeping us going in circles.
So now, seeing clearly my folly I am changing my attitude and my actions. I am letting go, and letting God. I am making the determined decision to continue to pray and be available to them if they have a question, but no longer engaging in the conflict of the topic that has so frustrated all of the parties concerned. Instead, if it's brought up again, I'm excusing myself or changing the topic. I will not allow this poisonous issue to affect me anymore. Sometimes it's best to just walk away, even if you have all the evidence in the world to prove it, because sometimes people just don't want to listen or believe. Sometimes all you can do is pray and let go because all that back forth is just hindering your own walk. Be blessed today and always, in the name of Jesus.
Proverbs 8:13
The fear of the Lord is hatred of evil. Pride and arrogance and the way of evil and perverted speech I hate.
Proverbs 30:12
There are those who are clean in their own eyes but are not washed of their filth.
Ecclesiastes 7:9
Be not quick in your spirit to become angry, for anger lodges in the bosom of fools.
Romans 12:3
For by the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned.
James 1:19-20
Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.
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