The Decision to Press On

       Something I have been struggling with lately is knowing what is God's will for me right now. I know that what I am doing here is, but other than the writing I have felt a drift for years now. Everything outside of this is a closed door and I am frustrated beyond reason by it. I can't figure out why He is keeping us stuck and it is making me crazy! We haven't been able to have a baby, or buy a house. We haven't been able to move or start the business we wanted. Every opportunity we get and explore, turns out to be another closed door, and if I am perfectly honest I spent a couple days over the holiday weekend crying over it. With every thing else that has been going on with us in our families I just keep praying, 'God cut us a break, please just let something work out for us!'
       I know I am not the only one to ever feel this way, I'm sure there were times where you have too, and we know there were times that others in the Bible became impatient too waiting on God's promises, or the next step in life. It can be very frustrating to see the people in our lives get the things we want, or move ahead while we are still stuck and can't figure out why. It can be disheartening and leave you looking at yourself wondering what you are doing wrong. It can feel like you are being punished, or that you are failing in some way and that is why God is withholding blessings. Others in your life will try to encourage you, reminding you that it will happen in God's time not yours, but after a while there's no comfort left in those words, simply more frustration as you continually ask 'when?! When is the time?'
       I know the Bible tells us that all things work together for the good of those who love God, (Romans 8:28) but it can be really hard to keep that perspective when you are frustrated and meet with one closed door after another. It can feel like a losing battle, like all hope is lost and you might as well give up. That's how I have felt lately, but each time I'm ready to throw in the towel and give up the same question pops into my head, 'what will that solve? What will giving up change?' As that questions comes up, I ponder it a moment and quickly realize giving up just isn't an option, there is no choice but to press on no matter how I feel. But this is easier said than done, how do you convince yourself to move on when nothing seems to be changing or getting better?
       I can't promise this will work for everyone, but this was what I did and seems to helping me to press on. I stepped back from all the distractions for a few days, I turned off the social media, put my phone on vibrate, and put down the tablet. Then, I picked up my Bible and my prayer journal and poured my heart out, the good, the bad, the painful, and the shameful. Did it change my situation? No; but it did change my heart, and my outlook on things. I started to feel refreshed, revitalized, and hopeful again as I left everything in my Creator's hand. I read words of hope that built me up again, and helped me to focus on my faith and not my frustrations over life. Do I have the house and baby I have been praying for? Not yet, but I know they will come in God's time, whether I want to hear that or not. Reading His word, and then a little later a nature walk, reminded me that if God makes a promise it never fails, it may take years to manifest but God's word never fails, and that knowledge gives me the strength to go on when I feel like giving up, because of Jesus I can make the decision to press on with hope. 

Numbers 23:19 
God is not man, that he should lie, or a son of man, that he should change his mind. Has he said, and will he not do it? Or has he spoken, and will he not fulfill it?

Isaiah 40:31
but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

Romans 8:24-25 
For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.
Romans 12:12 
Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.

Hebrews 11:1
Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.