After church service Victoria thought her head might
burst with all the things rushing around in her mind as she stepped into the
quiet of her bedroom and shut the door behind her. The whole morning had been
bittersweet. She had enjoyed breakfast and the church she attended with Eric
that morning. The boys had even seemed to enjoy the children services too. Drake
had such a good time playing with the kids and hearing bible stories that he made
Eric promise to bring him back the following week; which is exactly what she
was hoped would happen. Victoria couldn’t feel happy about it though, not
really, because Drake wanted her to go too, and she hadn’t made up her mind yet
if she was staying.
She had to make a decision though and soon. Garret had
given her deadline and refused to continue seeing her if she kept this job, sharing
what Braden had told her with him had only made things worse. She didn’t want
to quit a job just to make him happy, she liked her job and didn’t feel
threatened by anyone there…except maybe Jessica. But was the job worth breaking
up over? Victoria asked herself again for what felt like the hundredth time as the ache in her heart deepened.
She had stayed up most of the previous night praying
for answers, and she still felt completely lost, she still had no idea what to
do. The easiest thing to do would be to give in to Garret's demands, then she
could keep her new boyfriend and just get a new job. The problem with this was
the nagging feeling that God had brought her here for a reason, a purpose, one
that she had not yet completed. Victoria had tried desperately to explain this
to Garret, but that’s when he told her if she didn’t quit by the end of the
week, they were over. Her heart broke when he said those words and they had echoed
in her mind ever since making her question herself.
Victoria laid down on her bed and clutched a pillow to
her chest, and started to cry again, her face buried deep in the cotton and
foam to muffle the sounds and keep Eric from hearing her again. Less than
twenty-four hours before she had felt like life was wonderful and everything was coming
together, but now it was all crashing down at her feet. She felt like Garret was
forcing her to choose between a man and God, not a man and a job. She wanted
both, she wanted to please Garret and to please God, but the more she thought
about this, the more she realized she couldn’t have both, she couldn’t make
Garret happy and God happy if they wanted her in different places. Finally she
accepted the hard truth, she was going to have to break up with Garret.
The revelation of what was necessary for her to stay
on the path God wanted her on was no easier than flip-flopping she had done
earlier. This felt like a direct punch to her already tender heart, but she
knew trusting God and walking in faith wasn’t always easy. Paul had wrote in
Romans 8:28 ‘And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who
love him, and have been called according to his purpose’ now Victoria was going
to have live like she believed this, she was going to have to trust her heart
and her pain to God, and she was going to have to let Him be her strength
because she knew she couldn't do get through this on her own. Victoria was now
starting to realize that life as an adult Christian was never going to be easy,
that following God was an all or nothing commitment that sometimes meant
walking away from what you loved or wanted.
“Victoria,” came Eric’s voice from outside her bedroom
door with gentle knock. He was still concerned for her, she clearly wasn’t
herself today and he hoped if he got her out for a while she may perk up and
open up to him. “My mom just called, she wants to take the boys for the
afternoon. I was thinking of going out for lunch and wanted to see if you were
feeling up to it too? ”
Sitting up, Victoria wiped the tears from her eyes and
swallowed the lump that had been building in her throat before answering him.
Now that she knew the course she had to take, spending time with Eric and
Braden was a welcome distraction. “Thank you Eric, that sounds nice. When
should I be ready by?”
“My mom will be by in an hour, could you be ready by
then? Nothing fancy, just casual lunch.”
“Not a problem. I’ll get changed now. Thanks again.”
“Sure. Meet you downstairs in an hour.” Eric replied
smiling before he walked back across the hall to the nursery so he could start
changing the boys into play clothes for their trip to the park with their
grandmother.
Victoria sat
on the edge of the bed looking at her tear stained reflection in the tall
standing mirror she had brought from her bedroom at her parent’s house
recently. She was going to move forward. She would go have lunch with Braden
and Eric, enjoy herself then come home and call Garret. It wasn’t going to be
easy, and part of her really didn’t want to do it at all, but no one said doing
the right thing was easy. Victoria sighed and wiped the tears from her cheeks
before standing to her feet and starting to get changed out of her church
clothes. It was a hard day, but it didn’t all have to be bad, lunch could be
enjoyable if she just kept a good attitude and her mind off what she had to do
next.
No comments:
Post a Comment