Reassurance

     <sup>Several days ago a woman whose post I follow on G+ put up a post that read, 'Do not mistake her quiet and gentle spirit for weaknesses... She is a mighty warrior princess child of God and her prayers move mountains!' Ever since I read that I can't get it out of my head.
      Coincidently, or perhaps not so coincidently, I had that morning been asking the Father to tell me who I am to Him, I was feeling a little insecure and frustrated that day and needed a reminder. I asked Him to remind me how He sees me, because I don't often see myself as valuable and had been beating myself up pretty bad that day. I had expected something would jump out at me in a song or in the scriptures like it usually does when I ask our Father for encouragement. Then that post showed up. I read the words over, and over again, tears started to run down my face. Suddenly, I didn't feel sorry for myself anymore. I felt as though I could hear Him speaking to my heart, saying to me 'Beloved daughter, pray and I shall listen, be obedient and serve; do not fear or listen to your doubts, you are mine and I love you.'  I praised Him in that moment, and thanked Him, He had yet again provided.
      I wanted to share this, and have been thinking about doing so for days now because I think it's important to realize that the way we see ourselves often is not a reflection on how God sees us, after we were washed clean by the blood of lamb our sins and our past no longer mattered to God, but our hearts do and that is what He sees, that is what He judges us by. We will never be perfect, and God knows that,  that is why He sacrificed His Son for us. Living in this world is hard, and it doesn't seem to be getting any better and because of that there are days where we all need encouragement,   we all need a reminder sometimes of who we are in God, and that with Him there is nothing that can stand in our way. I think that was actually my favorite part of that post, the reminder that because of faith prayers we have the ability to move mountains.

Romans 15:4-5</sup>
4 For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through the endurance taught in the Scriptures and the encouragement they provide we might have hope.

5 May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you the same attitude of mind toward each other that Christ Jesus had

 

Matthew 17:20

20 He replied, “Because you have so little faith. Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.”

 

For Better or Worse

      I remember when my husband and I were doing our pre-marital counseling the first question the Pastor asked us was "Why do you want to get married?"; he had expected us to say because we loved each other, which was of course part of it, but the answer we gave him took him by surprise. He was an older Pastor, in his 70's and had been obviously doing the work of the Lord for a long time, he told us when we answered him that in all his years of doing pre-marital counseling no one had ever told him what we did, let alone been adamant about it.
     What could we have possibly said that would have shocked such an experienced pastor? We answered that we felt and believed with all certainty that God had led us to one another, had prepared us for this union and that it was God's plan for us to be together. We still feel this way, and after what we have been through since the exact day of our engagement I am more convinced than ever that it was His divine will that we be united as man and wife.
      The day we got engaged we and came home to share the good news with our family my mom acted as though she didn't care, not because she wasn't happy for us, but because she had just gotten a phone call that a dear friend of our family had died. In the 16 months that followed his death 11 more people we cared for or knew from our life before each other died. There was even a point where my aunt, one of my cousins, and my grandfather all passed in one week. This alone would take an emotional toll anyone, but add to the mix depression, anxiety, parents separating, planning a wedding, adjusting to married life, financial worries, trouble at work for both of us, difficulty moving forward, school, and a few mental or emotional break downs from us and some members of our family and it was a rather heavy burden and trying experience.
      The last few years have been challenging because of all of that, and many other little things. During all of that there were times where one or both of us wanted to give up, sometimes we were ready to give up on life all together and other times it was just our marriage we wanted to give up on. We never did though because in our hearts we always believed that God brought us together for a purpose. Sometimes on my hardest days satan would whisper that 'D' word in my ear and God would remind me of my vows, my conviction that I would never divorce, and that He brought us together for a reason, for a purpose that we may not be able to see right now but would someday understand.
      For the last few months or so now though, the dark cloud that has been following us, and trying so hard to break our spirits is lifting! With a lot of prayer and dedication, as well as encouragement from family, things are changing for the better, we both are showing signs that our spirits have been or are being restored. My husband is today a stronger man than when I met him, he is more caring, and compassionate, and is more understanding of my needs than he ever was before. I now have a faith that is stronger than it ever has been in my life, and I have a love for God and the man he created me to be a helpmate for that is more than I could have dreamed was possible!
       I shared all this today for several reasons, first sometimes when we are in the middle of a storm and you are being hit by waves from all sides life seems hopeless and like giving up is the only option, that God isn't listening, but if you stand in faith and keep declaring the Lord's name He will see you through and help you to stay afloat. Second is, in today's world it is completely acceptable to break your marriage vows, in fact I had people around me say things to me when it was tough like why don't you just leave? Why are you hanging on if nothing is changing? I wouldn't stay if I had to deal with what you are. This is our culture, the attitude we have developed as a society, if it isn't easy don't bother just get a divorce and try again with someone else, but that is not how God sees marriage. Marriage is a promise and a covenant not only between you and your spouse but with God Himself! Marriage was meant to be a lasting bond, which is why it is so important to not marry just anyone, yes things will go wrong, you will fight and disagree, you want to give up at times, but when you have God you can see it through and He will make you and your relationship stronger for it. That knowledge and understanding of His view of marriage was enough to make me keep going when I didn't want to, because I understood that by keeping that covenant I was honoring and obeying Him.
       We have had our 'worse' for a while now, and I can see our 'better' on the horizon, I can see us walking in some of it right now. The fact that we made it through all these situations and things we had to deal with  is a testament to God, and the hope found when you surrender to His will.

Mark 10:5-9
5 “It was because your hearts were hard that Moses wrote you this law,” Jesus replied. 6 “But at the beginning of creation God ‘made them male and female.’  7 ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife,  8 and the two will become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one flesh. 9 Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”

Truth Hurts

     Have you ever said something to someone that was true but they got really mad at you? They didn't want to hear what you had to say, the truth of their actions or the situation hurt them, so they turned away from you or they picked a fight over it. It may have been something hard to hear like smoking cigarettes will kill you, your significant other is cheating on you, that money isn't yours even if someone left it laying out. People don't like to hear what they are doing is wrong, or hear hard things, even when they are true.
       Before I met my husband I was seeing a guy I worked with and we attended the same church, a lot of people at our church told me things about him that I didn't want to hear, that I didn't want to believe, and even when evidence of certain things were directly in front of me, I would go on with life pretending that everything was fine. I used to tell people all the time how great our relationship was, but in all honesty I was hurt, and depressed. It wasn't a good situation for me and I had people in my life at that time who told me that, but I couldn't see or hear the truth, I didn't want the truth.  At that time accepting the truth of the situation I was in was too painful and I knew that to change it, meant I had to change my life and most likely myself, something I just wasn't ready to do then.
      Taking the truth, God's word, to people in the world is a lot like that. People often don't want to see, hear, or believe in Him because it means they have to change. They don't want to accept that the way they are living life is wrong. We as Christians were warned that many would not listen, that we would be hated and persecuted for speaking the Living Word, but we were also given the Word and commanded to share it, to bare witness and testify in His name the wonders and love of our Father and salvation through His son and living sacrifice Jesus Christ.
      Eventually truth always comes to light, darkness and lies can not hold it back forever. With my situation I mentioned above I did eventually see that those who hurt me with the truth were the ones who truly cared. The seeds they planted with their words eventually helped to heal my heart and accept the truth. Do not be discouraged if people aren't listening today. Don't let their angry, dismissive, or disinterested responses deter you, keep proclaiming God's truth, even when it hurts. You never know what that seed may blossom into. Be blessed and seek the Lord.

John 8:42-47
42 Jesus said to them, “If God were your Father, you would love me, for I have come here from God. I have not come on my own; God sent me. 43 Why is my language not clear to you? Because you are unable to hear what I say. 44 You belong to your father, the devil, and you want to carry out your father’s desires. He was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies. 45 Yet because I tell the truth, you do not believe me! 46 Can any of you prove me guilty of sin? If I am telling the truth, why don’t you believe me? 47 Whoever belongs to God hears what God says. The reason you do not hear is that you do not belong to God.”

Standing in Faith

     For a long time now I've been praying for a miracle over a certain situation, and I have seen great improvement over the last few months, but something big has happened and I am not sure how it will affect things.  It seems in this world to be something bad, something that should be upsetting, and in many ways is a very emotionally unsettling thing. Part of me wants to be afraid, upset, and worried over the situation, part feels as though I should be panicked but I honestly have peace.
     To tell the truth though, I was feeling all those negative things yesterday. I knew a head of time what the phone call would say when it came, and worried for hours before it did come. I prayed a lot, wondering how this could possibly fit into His plans, how it could help to put His promises into fulfillment, and I still wonder that because right now I don't see how. This morning though, as I prayed I was reminded of a verse, Romans 8:28; 'And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.'  As I prayed and started to write in my journal that verse echoed in my heart, I thought on it, and how I've seen that to be true in other parts of my life, sometimes it looked like everything was going wrong, that the opposition that was occurring would set us off course, but it actually, in the most unexpected way turned out to aid in the advancement of His promise.
      The example of what came to mind is a moment that I'm not proud of, I'd been praying for several months that things at work would change, my personal life was very tough at that time and all the drama at work made things worse for me. The depression I had struggled with for years was at it's very worst, and I was starting to have uncontrollable emotional outburst at work, I was completely losing it. My boss decided to give me a leave of absence because of it. As I sat in her office crying and thinking "God what can I do, how is this possibly going to fit into the plans of my life," I suddenly felt peace. I knew in that moment that although my life looked like and felt like it was falling apart all around it was really just a set up for the next chapter in my life, a better one.
      That same day I started going to therapy, and started applying to better paying, less stressful jobs; I got one in less than 2 weeks. My life has taken off in a hugely positive way since then, since that moment, I have had a better relationship with God and a better understanding of His love than I ever did before, my mental and emotional health have never been more stable, I'm making twice as much money now, plus I finished and published my first book! Something that seemed like it should have been a disaster was really a push forward, and with faith that this is what the current situation will be like too. I have the same kind of peace about it in my heart, and I know where there is peace there is God.
     I don't know what will happen from here, but I am standing in faith that whatever happens will be for good. I trust Him and the peace He has placed in my heart. God has never failed and never will; even if it doesn't make sense now, doesn't look good now, doesn't mean that God can't make it good.

Romans 8:28
28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

1 Corinthians 16:13-14
13 Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be courageous; be strong. 14 Do everything in love.

Would You? part 2

        If you read my blog post yesterday, you undoubtedly noticed that it was a little different from my normal post. I shared with you that I had been asking myself a tough question, and asked you to consider that question too. Now I want you to think about your answers, if it was a straight away yes then praise be to the Father,  you are a better person than I and God will bless you for your unwavering heart! But if like myself you were second guessing, or the answer was simply no, look into your heart and ask what's keeping you from saying yes? What's keeping you from fully giving everything you have to him who suffered and died for you?
     It's important to ask questions like this now and take advantage of the time we have now to get our hearts right. It is important to understand that is not enough to simply say you love Jesus and do good works, but you must love him with a pure and obedient heart, you must be prepared to say 'yes Lord I will serve you,' even in the face of  incredible suffering. So, if you are like me and that word suffering made you stumble,  look at your answer and those feelings about suffering and ask why did it make me question/falter? And then ask yourself how can I change it? What do I need to do, or let go of in order to say unflinchingly yes.
      We do not know the day or the hour of his return, but we do know it is coming. We need to prepare ourselves now for it. We have to change our hearts and our actions now to reflect Jesus. Our constant, consuming thoughts should not be worries, but what can I do to be more like Jesus. Everyday it needs to be our position not to think of ourselves first, but those around us, and treat them with the same love and compassion our Father shows to us.
       We may never be called on to suffer torment in His name as others have, but regardless our hearts and mouths should be ready to answer with a resounding 'yes Lord, your will be done!'  if ever called upon. God needs to be first place in our lives, we need to serve Him in all we do and strive to be obedient loving children. In  John 15:13 Jesus states  'Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.'  Jesus laid down his life and suffered for us, what are we willing to endure for him?
      Work on letting go of whatever is holding you back, learn to sacrifice in your love for others, and to give love to all freely. Know that life here is short and we will be judged by our hearts. We must use each day given to us to know Him better, to follow the example of Christ better, and to have hearts that are obedient to all that is commanded of us.    

1 Peter 1:13-21

13 Therefore, with minds that are alert and fully sober, set your hope on the grace to be brought to you when Jesus Christ is revealed at his coming. 14 As obedient children, do not conform to the evil desires you had when you lived in ignorance. 15 But just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do; 16 for it is written: “Be holy, because I am holy.”

17 Since you call on a Father who judges each person’s work impartially, live out your time as foreigners here in reverent fear. 18 For you know that it was not with perishable things such as silver or gold that you were redeemed from the empty way of life handed down to you from your ancestors, 19 but with the precious blood of Christ, a lamb without blemish or defect. 20 He was chosen before the creation of the world, but was revealed in these last times for your sake. 21 Through him you believe in God, who raised him from the dead and glorified him, and so your faith and hope are in God.

Would You?

      I read a story, an autobiography actually, that my husband let me borrow when we first started dating, I've read it several times now and think about it often. It was written by a man under Soviet rule during the Cold War who was imprisoned for his faith. He was tortured and had vile acts committed against him, but would not renounce God. Eventually, after several years he was set free and I'm honestly not sure what happened from there because the book was published in the 1960's and I never thought until this moment to look into what happened to him since the book was written, but I brought up this man, and the torture he endured because I find myself asking a very intense question, "Am I willing to endure suffering for Christ?"
     As a citizen of the United States I am promised religious freedom, and the threat of being tortured like the man I mentioned above has never been too real for me. The worst I have had to face is rejection from my peers, resentment from some people, and sometimes pretty nasty name calling. But torture is not something I have had to face. Its not something I have thought about facing in this country, but this thought keeps echoing in my mind lately especially with the stories that I have seen in the news, am I willing to endure for Christ as he endured for me?
      I think this is a question all believers get to at some point or another. The first questions I asked myself in this walk of faith were easy, do you love Jesus? Do you accept him as your Lord and savior? Are you willing to serve him? Are you willing to be hated? This things were easy to answer, for me anyway, loving Him and believing in Yeshua as my Savior check and check, serving Him in God's will, often pretty hard but I try, being hated? No biggy, people have always hated me and looked down on me. But am I willing to suffer, to endure physical pain or emotional trauma?
      When I truly think about that word, when I think about what others have endured for the name of Jesus my heart cries, 'yes Lord I will suffer for you,' but my mind fears, and my flesh is weak. I hate pain so I doubt myself, because I have not faced suffering of this kind I can not honestly answer but I keep asking and thinking about it.
       I'm not writing any of this to brag, I'm not writing to confess my fears either, I'm writing this to make you think. Christianity in many places has become watered down, we have lost in the compliancy of our so called 'religious freedoms' what it really means to believe in Jesus and follow after Him. We talk about God's love and deeds, and we ask for miracles and blessings, but is our heart really in it? Are you willing to suffer for your God? I don't ask you if you are willing to die because death is easy, I ask about suffering because it is hard.
       I know this is pretty different from most of my writings, but I think it is important. We all know that this world won't last forever in its current state, and with each passing year it becomes worse, more corrupt. We were told to be watchful and wait in readiness for Yeshua's return, to take up the cross daily and follow Him. The Lord God, knows our hearts, and to serve Him we must give our hearts, and our selves to Him fully. So, I am asking you to think and pray. What are you willing to endure for Christ? How true is your love? If the tribulation started today would you still want to be a Christian? Would you pick up your cross and walk with Him anyway? Ask yourself, and if you feel the same doubts, fears and uncertainty that I do in the face of these hard questions, take it to the Father, read His word and decide for yourself what is important.

Luke 9:23-27

23 Then he said to them all: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me. 24 For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will save it. 25 What good is it for someone to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit their very self? 26 Whoever is ashamed of me and my words, the Son of Man will be ashamed of them when he comes in his glory and in the glory of the Father and of the holy angels.

27 “Truly I tell you, some who are standing here will not taste death before they see the kingdom of God.”         

    
     

Wait On the Lord

      Waiting on a promise, waiting on a dream can be a challenge. It's something we all struggle with from time to time, whether it's a promotion, a new house, new job, or a baby. We all have things we want, and dream about. A promise or desire God placed in our hearts. Waiting on it, on His timing, can be so hard though, especially when you aren't seeing the proof of it being fulfilled at the present.
       It's those times that I am most grateful for His word and the miracles He has shared with us in it. That is our proof when the world tells us it can't or won't happen, it is our evidence that there is hope. His word is a testimony to the fact that God never fails, and the more familiar you become with His word the more you can stand against what the world would have you believe. Even with that proof it can still be hard though, we still hear the doubt, we still get hurt, disappointed, and even angry when or if it doesn't happen on our time table. But as believers we need to let those feelings go. Take them to the Lord in prayer, give them up, asking for God's peace and reassurance instead.
        Know brothers and sisters that we all go through times of waiting, and there will be many periods of it throughout your life. Let the Bible be your comfort in those times, red the word and meditate on it, think about the many individuals who waited on the Lord, you're in good company. God did not fail Abraham, Moses, Joseph, Jacob, Esther, Ruth, or anyone who ever gave their heart and trust to Him.All of His promises are fulfilled, in the perfect timing.
      Waiting is hard, and in this fast paced crazy world where almost every thing is at our finger tips in a seconds time, I really think it's becoming harder for us to learn to wait on Him. But if you are patient, and steadfast with your faith, God will provide, He will see you to the fulfillment of His promise. And it'll be worth the wait when you look back, each step will make sense then. So wait and fill yourself with the truth of His word, guard your heart from the deception of the world, and know the plans of your Father are worth waiting on.

Psalm 27:13-14

13 I remain confident of this:

I will see the goodness of the Lord

in the land of the living.

14 Wait for the Lord;

be strong and take heart

and wait for the Lord.