I remember when my husband and I were doing our pre-marital counseling the first question the Pastor asked us was "Why do you want to get married?"; he had expected us to say because we loved each other, which was of course part of it, but the answer we gave him took him by surprise. He was an older Pastor, in his 70's and had been obviously doing the work of the Lord for a long time, he told us when we answered him that in all his years of doing pre-marital counseling no one had ever told him what we did, let alone been adamant about it.
What could we have possibly said that would have shocked such an experienced pastor? We answered that we felt and believed with all certainty that God had led us to one another, had prepared us for this union and that it was God's plan for us to be together. We still feel this way, and after what we have been through since the exact day of our engagement I am more convinced than ever that it was His divine will that we be united as man and wife.
The day we got engaged we and came home to share the good news with our family my mom acted as though she didn't care, not because she wasn't happy for us, but because she had just gotten a phone call that a dear friend of our family had died. In the 16 months that followed his death 11 more people we cared for or knew from our life before each other died. There was even a point where my aunt, one of my cousins, and my grandfather all passed in one week. This alone would take an emotional toll anyone, but add to the mix depression, anxiety, parents separating, planning a wedding, adjusting to married life, financial worries, trouble at work for both of us, difficulty moving forward, school, and a few mental or emotional break downs from us and some members of our family and it was a rather heavy burden and trying experience.
The last few years have been challenging because of all of that, and many other little things. During all of that there were times where one or both of us wanted to give up, sometimes we were ready to give up on life all together and other times it was just our marriage we wanted to give up on. We never did though because in our hearts we always believed that God brought us together for a purpose. Sometimes on my hardest days satan would whisper that 'D' word in my ear and God would remind me of my vows, my conviction that I would never divorce, and that He brought us together for a reason, for a purpose that we may not be able to see right now but would someday understand.
For the last few months or so now though, the dark cloud that has been following us, and trying so hard to break our spirits is lifting! With a lot of prayer and dedication, as well as encouragement from family, things are changing for the better, we both are showing signs that our spirits have been or are being restored. My husband is today a stronger man than when I met him, he is more caring, and compassionate, and is more understanding of my needs than he ever was before. I now have a faith that is stronger than it ever has been in my life, and I have a love for God and the man he created me to be a helpmate for that is more than I could have dreamed was possible!
I shared all this today for several reasons, first sometimes when we are in the middle of a storm and you are being hit by waves from all sides life seems hopeless and like giving up is the only option, that God isn't listening, but if you stand in faith and keep declaring the Lord's name He will see you through and help you to stay afloat. Second is, in today's world it is completely acceptable to break your marriage vows, in fact I had people around me say things to me when it was tough like why don't you just leave? Why are you hanging on if nothing is changing? I wouldn't stay if I had to deal with what you are. This is our culture, the attitude we have developed as a society, if it isn't easy don't bother just get a divorce and try again with someone else, but that is not how God sees marriage. Marriage is a promise and a covenant not only between you and your spouse but with God Himself! Marriage was meant to be a lasting bond, which is why it is so important to not marry just anyone, yes things will go wrong, you will fight and disagree, you want to give up at times, but when you have God you can see it through and He will make you and your relationship stronger for it. That knowledge and understanding of His view of marriage was enough to make me keep going when I didn't want to, because I understood that by keeping that covenant I was honoring and obeying Him.
We have had our 'worse' for a while now, and I can see our 'better' on the horizon, I can see us walking in some of it right now. The fact that we made it through all these situations and things we had to deal with is a testament to God, and the hope found when you surrender to His will.
Mark 10:5-9
5 “It was because your hearts were hard that Moses wrote you this law,” Jesus replied. 6 “But at the beginning of creation God ‘made them male and female.’ 7 ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, 8 and the two will become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one flesh. 9 Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”
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