From Surrender To Freedom

       Anxiety and depression used to be huge issues in my life, I would wake up overwhelmed with my mind racing, sometimes sick to my stomach feeling like I couldn't breathe. My first thoughts were worry, my second thoughts were gloomy and this all fed into my depression. My days felt long, and my weeks even longer, I was tired all the time, and spent much of my time trying to keep busy so I didn't have to think or feel at all, it was torture to go through everyday like this, sometimes it got to be too much and I would sit in my car and just cry before going into work or into my house. I was stuck in my own personal cell of misery, and I had no idea what the key to getting out was.
      There have been many things I have implemented in the last two years to help me overcome this and get to the point where I am today, to where I wake up with music in my heart and head, prayers on my tongue, and genuinely happy to go about my day, most of the time anyway. Everything that I have done though can really be boiled down to one thing, one simple thing that was hard to do but changed everything. Surrender. The point of totally surrendering myself to God, to His purpose, to His word, and to living a faith filled life based on His teachings and the leadings of the Holy Spirit.
       I never understood why people said there was freedom in the cross, that they were free in Jesus until I experienced it. I never understood how living by, what seemed to me to be restrictive rules, could bring freedom. But as I sought more of Him, going deeper into the word and learning how to apply it to life, I have learned that it is true and that I can live a life that is happier and more fulfilling than I could of ever imagined.
       So now I would like to talk about that road, from surrender to freedom, because if you related to how I used to feel you need to know how to break out before it overtakes you. I called it road from surrender to freedom because it wasn't immediate, it wasn't right away, I had to learn what it meant to really surrender. I had to learn everyday to pray God's will over the day, and then let go of my worry. How do you let go? By reminding yourself every time the worry comes up that its in God's hand and either you've done what you could, or nothing at all can be done, but God has it, then you direct your attentions elsewhere. This is a process though, I failed a lot in the beginning and would get really frustrated that it didn't stop the worry right away, in fact for a time the worry got worse, but after it peaked and I stayed in the Lord, and kept reminding myself that God had it, that He had me, the worried thoughts started to trickle away. I learned to cast my worries on the Lord, and it relieved my burden as He sustained me with hope.
       The second part of this journey, was that as I learned to surrender daily, to let go of my worries, I started to see the truth of scriptures playing out in my own life. As I trusted Him more and more, and saw that He was faithful in the small, I learned to trust Him in the larger things as well, this built up my courage. As my courage built I started to confidently believe what I have seen so many say and what was said in scripture 'if the Lord is with you, who can stand against you?' (Romans 8:31) I started to feel this way, I started to know in my heart it was true, and as the awareness of His truth grew, my fears fled, and so did the sadness that I carried for so long.
       The third part of freedom I discovered from surrender was actually one I knew, but I don't think I fully understood until I experienced it. It's that in Jesus, because of what He did on the cross, we now have freedom from our sins. For a long time I have known this, since I was child, but I never really understood what it meant or what it felt like to be free from sin. I spent a long while feeling really condemned looking at my Holy God, and my unrighteousness self, feeling and believing that I would never be good enough, never be clean enough, to be found pleasing in His sight. But then one day, and I can't really remember how, but I suddenly realized that I needed to let go of the guilt over my past sins, and that when I messed up now, it was never too soon or too late to ask for forgiveness and change my ways. This elevated my guilt, and not only that, but it has helped to prevent me from staying in guilt now. I was already forgiven, I just had to forgive myself, and remind myself if and when those guilty thoughts popped up that this was the truth, that I am not condemned by my past but forgiven in Christ.     
       As the worry, fear, guilt, and sadness fled, as theses burdens were lifted over time, I suddenly realized one day, that I was happy, no happy is too soft a word, I was joyful, and I am still joyful! I finally found out what it meant to have the joy of the Lord, which is true freedom. Its not freedom to do as you want all the time, but it is freedom from worry, from guilt, from fears, from hopelessness, all of which will lead you into dark places, and create more of themselves, more worry, more guilt, more fear, more hopelessness which can and possibly may eventually just become too much until it destroys you. In Jesus though, there is none of this, in true surrender to God there is relief from it all, and the freedom to greet each day without the mistakes of the one before holding you down, because you know and believe in the truth and are standing firmly on the rock. It doesn't mean though, that bad things will never happen, my last two months are proof of that, what it means is when adversity hits you can rise to the occasion with God's strength holding you up, you won't be overwhelmed and you won't lose your joy.

Psalm 55:22
Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken.

Isaiah 41:10        
Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

John 8:31-

To the Jews who had believed him, Jesus said, “If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”

They answered him, “We are Abraham’s descendants and have never been slaves of anyone. How can you say that we shall be set free?”

Jesus replied, “Very truly I tell you, everyone who sins is a slave to sin. Now a slave has no permanent place in the family, but a son belongs to it forever. So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.

2 Corinthians 3:15-18
Even to this day when Moses is read, a veil covers their hearts. But whenever anyone turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away. Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.