Something people don't like to be told but it is true is that love isn't all about you. It's not about getting what you want so you will be happy, it is not about that other person making you happy all the time, it is not always having things your way. Love is not judgmental of each other, or demanding. And it has nothing to do with material items. Love is about sacrificing for the other person, giving all that you have inside of you for them. Love is giving and forgiving. Love is not about you, but it is about those around you. Love is being like Jesus, treating them as Jesus would because He is love.
I see over and over again relationships failing, and while sometimes its over big issues like infidelity or abuse more often today it's over the individuals in the relationship not understanding what love is actually about and who love is. Oftentimes, one or both of them doesn't understand that love is not just a feeling but a way of life, a way of being. How can I say that? Well, because as Christians we know we are Jesus's representatives on earth, we are to walk in His ways (1 John 2:6) and we also know that Jesus is God in flesh (John 10:30), and we know that God is love, (1 John 4:8). So if God is love, and Jesus is God, and we are to walk in His ways that means we are to walk in love which makes love a lifestyle, not just a feeling.
Love certainly is an emotion as well though and definitely something we do feel, but it is really so much more too. Often, when we first meet someone we get swept away in the rush of this new experience and the excitement of it, we believe we are in love but as time goes on and the excitement fades, so does the feelings. Sometimes this happens because it wasn't meant to be, but other times it's because without the 'newness' of the relationship one or both individuals in the couple stop walking in love, they stop thinking about and putting the other person first, instead it becomes 'I want them to do this,' or 'I wish they were more of this'. I say this all as someone who for a time did just that.
There was a time in my marriage where I started to get selfish, I started demanding things from my husband that I knew in my heart he just wasn't ready for yet, but because it's what I wanted, what would make me feel fulfilled I kept pushing him. Not only did I keep pushing him, but the more he asked me to be patient with him, the more bitter I became towards him. I did the bare minimum as a wife after that and cared little for how much I hurt him because he was hurting me. I cried a lot over the distance I felt between us and in selfish pride placed all the blame on him entirely. When I would talk to other women about what was going on they agreed I was right, and he was wrong, and not only that but that I should take matters into my own hands to get what I want. That was a step I wasn't prepared to take though, because it involved deceiving my husband and that's something I am totally against in all circumstances, I can't even keep birthday presents secret from him without feeling guilty, like I am lying to him. So, instead we persisted in the cycle of me pushing, and him pulling away.
One day, frustrated beyond reason by the growing distance I felt, and just purely fed up with my husband and his unwillingness to give me what I wanted and what I felt like I deserved I prayed to God. Crying I told Him everything I felt, everything I wanted, and everything He needed to change about my husband for us to be happy. As I prayed to God and told Him why I was upset about my husband, how he was being so cruel, selfish, unloving, not understanding of my feelings, and uncaring with them in general I was suddenly swamped by feelings of shame. A little voice in my mind said to me "Isn't that how you've been treating him too?" I tried to argue, tried to defend myself with 'but he started it because he won't do this one thing for me, won't even try! And we already agreed to it, now he won't, it's his fault God!' This didn't work. I walked around all day hearing the words repeated, "Isn't that how you've been treating him?" And the more I heard them, the more I knew God was right, and I became sorry for the way I was acting. I asked God that night for forgiveness and His help to change me into the wife I should be.
The next morning I watched a movie many of you may have heard of, 'Fireproof' in it the leading man is given a book by his father that is a 40 day challenge called the love dare. Basically, it took him through 40 days of learning to love God, love his spouse, and what love was all about. I sat there watching the movie and seeing so much of my self in the characters. By the end of the movie I was reminded of what I already knew, love isn't about me and getting what I want. Sometimes I have to sacrifice my feelings, and be loving to my spouse anyway. When I finally realized this and started to act on it, things changed. I hadn't realized it before, but my behavior had become my own stumbling block. As I was patient with him things progressed much faster, and we quickly got to where I wanted to be anyway.
My point? Love is sacrifice, love is putting someone else first even when it hurts. This is the example of Christ. This is what love does, it lays down everything for others, just as Jesus laid down His life for us. Willingly He endured pain for us, willingly He died for us on cross. Love is all about giving and it always has been. Love is a lifestyle of living and treating people as Christ would, because He is love.
Joshua 22:5
Only be very careful to observe the commandment and the law that Moses the servant of the Lord commanded you, to love the Lord your God, and to walk in all his ways and to keep his commandments and to cling to him and to serve him with all your heart and with all your soul.”
John 13:34-35
A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”
John 15:9-17
“As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commands and remain in his love. I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you.Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. You are my friends if you do what I command. I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit—fruit that will last—and so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you. This is my command: Love each other.
Romans 12:10
Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.
Romans 13:10
Love does no harm to a neighbor. Therefore love is the fulfillment of the law.
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