Recently I shared with you all how over the last month or two the stressful situations we are encountering over took me and I backslide a bit. I shared how God brought this to my attention with a passage in the bible He led my husband to read a loud, and yesterday I shared how some good advice from a friend helped me to lay the burdens at the cross. These situations made me think back to other times in my life when I was far from God and how even then He reached out to me calling me to Him.
As I thought on this it pressed on me how God never lets His children go, He is always shepherding us, bringing us to Him even when we stray. How Jesus will always reach out to us, maybe in a bible verse, a song, or the words of friends or family. How He's in those quiet moments where our hearts tell us that it's time for a change. How He's in the friend urging us to go to church or comforting us with words of encouragement. Never forceful, but always loving and kind He gently corrects us and reminds of the simple truth, in Him there is peace and rest for our souls(Exodus 33:14; Matthew 11:28-30;Psalm 127:2; and more).
I thought of all this and was brought back to a place of humble gratefulness for my Savior, for the one who bore my sins, and yet still loves me enough to pursue me when I stray. He knows the worst of me, He knows when and how I have failed, how recently I have held onto my burdens more than Him and let fear cause doubts and worry to rise up in my heart. But still He reminded me of His love and pursued me, getting my attention once more and pulling me up from the waves of the storm that crashed about me before I was completely over taken.
The love of our Savior, of our God is so very different, so very strong and unchanging, and it's open to all of us. Even if you have fallen away, backslide, or never made the commitment, God still loves you and sent His son to die in your place, but He didn't stop there. He loves you enough that as the good shepherd He pursues you. He searches for you and reaches out to you, desiring to bring you back into His flock(Luke 15:3-7). Brothers and sisters, today I encourage you to look to our Shepherd and rejoice in His love, let it humble you and if you haven't already I encourage you to give you life to Him, not only in words but in your heart. Give everything to Him who laid down His life for you. In Yeshua's name, be blessed my dear family.
Isaiah 40:28-31
Have you not known? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength. Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.
Isaiah 41:13
For I, the Lord your God, hold your right hand; it is I who say to you, “Fear not, I am the one who helps you.”
Luke 15:3-7
Then Jesus told them this parable: “Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Doesn’t he leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it? And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders and goes home. Then he calls his friends and neighbors together and says, ‘Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep.’ I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent
1 John 4:10
In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins.
Thursday, March 31, 2016
Wednesday, March 30, 2016
Good Advice Helps
Yesterday I was sick almost all day, nothing serious, just morning sickness but I couldn't shake it. I spent all day on my couch, I called off work, and slept and relaxed as much as I could. This gave me a good chance to think. A chance to take in all the advice, well wishes, and encouragement I received after my post Monday. One piece in particular really sat with me, it really helped and today I not only feel like I am on the mend physically but spiritually too.
What was said came from a brother in Christ who asked me to look at what felt true to me, not what is true but what felt true at the moment. And honestly what felt true was fear, doubt, and uncertainty about my future. What felt true, right and sensible was worry over tomorrow, worry over my circumstances. Then he asked to give that to Jesus, to look at God and let the real truth settle things in my heart by laying it all at the cross. As I did this and admitted out loud my feelings, fears, doubts, and worries, I started to get some of my peace back. I started to feel some relief.
Nothing at all in my circumstances has changed, we are still struggling with the same issues, we still don't know how we will make up for my lost income in October, but now I'm not looking that far ahead and worrying anymore. Instead I'm looking at today and asking what can I do right now, what should I be doing right now. Again I am reminded of Matthew 6, this time just the final verse, verse 34 "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."
When we look to far ahead it's very easy to get overwhelmed. It's easy to lose focus of who our God is, and it's easy to get swept away by fear and doubt. It's so easy in fact that we can even deceive ourselves into speaking faith while in our hearts we cling to fear and uncertainty. And I am not saying don't speak faith. because we need to. We need to do that, what I am saying is that when we are speaking faith but focused on the fear, its only lip service because our hearts are tied to another master in that instant. When we are in a state of fear we are giving up the joy of the Lord for the burdens of the world, I speak from experience.
Today I don't know what my future holds, but I do know that I have a few opportunities I am trying, I have my Jewelry in Candles (http://www.fragrantjewels.com/#_l_q1), my book,(http://www.jennthorn.blogspot.com/2016/03/novel-excerpt-healing-of-eric.html) and I am trying a new health and wellness store called Melaleuca for safer, cleaner and often cheaper products in my home so there aren't so many chemicals in the house when the baby comes. I don't know if anything will happen with any of this though, I don't know that past a chemical free home that anything will be successful, but I know one touch from God and it could be. I know one touch from God and everything could change in a moment, and it's in that assurance I find peace today. Be blessed brothers and sisters, today and everyday.
Psalm 27:4-5
One thing have I asked of the LORD, that will I seek after: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD and to inquire in his temple. For he will hide me in his shelter in the day of trouble; he will conceal me under the cover of his tent; he will lift me high upon a rock.
Proverbs 24:14
Know that wisdom is such to your soul; if you find it, there will be a future, and your hope will not be cut off.
Romans 12:12
Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.
Hebrews 11:1
Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.
What was said came from a brother in Christ who asked me to look at what felt true to me, not what is true but what felt true at the moment. And honestly what felt true was fear, doubt, and uncertainty about my future. What felt true, right and sensible was worry over tomorrow, worry over my circumstances. Then he asked to give that to Jesus, to look at God and let the real truth settle things in my heart by laying it all at the cross. As I did this and admitted out loud my feelings, fears, doubts, and worries, I started to get some of my peace back. I started to feel some relief.
Nothing at all in my circumstances has changed, we are still struggling with the same issues, we still don't know how we will make up for my lost income in October, but now I'm not looking that far ahead and worrying anymore. Instead I'm looking at today and asking what can I do right now, what should I be doing right now. Again I am reminded of Matthew 6, this time just the final verse, verse 34 "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."
When we look to far ahead it's very easy to get overwhelmed. It's easy to lose focus of who our God is, and it's easy to get swept away by fear and doubt. It's so easy in fact that we can even deceive ourselves into speaking faith while in our hearts we cling to fear and uncertainty. And I am not saying don't speak faith. because we need to. We need to do that, what I am saying is that when we are speaking faith but focused on the fear, its only lip service because our hearts are tied to another master in that instant. When we are in a state of fear we are giving up the joy of the Lord for the burdens of the world, I speak from experience.
Today I don't know what my future holds, but I do know that I have a few opportunities I am trying, I have my Jewelry in Candles (http://www.fragrantjewels.com/#_l_q1), my book,(http://www.jennthorn.blogspot.com/2016/03/novel-excerpt-healing-of-eric.html) and I am trying a new health and wellness store called Melaleuca for safer, cleaner and often cheaper products in my home so there aren't so many chemicals in the house when the baby comes. I don't know if anything will happen with any of this though, I don't know that past a chemical free home that anything will be successful, but I know one touch from God and it could be. I know one touch from God and everything could change in a moment, and it's in that assurance I find peace today. Be blessed brothers and sisters, today and everyday.
Psalm 27:4-5
One thing have I asked of the LORD, that will I seek after: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD and to inquire in his temple. For he will hide me in his shelter in the day of trouble; he will conceal me under the cover of his tent; he will lift me high upon a rock.
Proverbs 24:14
Know that wisdom is such to your soul; if you find it, there will be a future, and your hope will not be cut off.
Romans 12:12
Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.
Hebrews 11:1
Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.
Monday, March 28, 2016
Turning My Focus to Truth
Lately I have had so much on my mind that it has been hard to focus on writing, especially in this blog. The worry over not knowing when I would have an income to replace the one I'll be losing, the stress of seeing every penny we had in savings slowly being drained as we pay government fines for not having health insurance, deal with home repairs and car repairs, difficulties with a stressful friendship and worry over affording prenatal health care. In all of this I have said and tried to believe that God will handle it all, that it will all be for good and I do believe that, but if I'm honest with you and myself I had let this worry come between me and God, unknowingly I had started to drift.
This isn't something I saw right away, I heard my own words of faith and trusted that they kept me firmly planted in God, while I slowly started to read and pray less over the last two weeks. Little by little and day by day the worry has become more present in mind and distracted me from doing what God had asked me to do from the start two years ago, encourage and uplift others by sharing my testimonies and others to give hope and turn eyes and lives back to Jesus. In the stress and the hurt and frustration over a friendship not working out as hoped, I have lost sight of my purpose and worried about tomorrow. I have argued with myself about what I was doing in each of these circumstances and left myself in a confused and uncertain state because I wouldn't just lay it down at the cross.
All of this became abundantly clear to me to over the weekend as I saw for the first time in a few years, my husband reaching for his bible more than me. As I sat on the floor next to Nick as he read the word the last few nights I was reminded first of how far he had come in rebuilding his relationship with God, and then I saw my own recent backsliding and my heart was convicted change. I tried to tell myself that I was okay with God and everything was fine, that I was just worried and that was perfectly natural for anyone in my circumstances. But God's word is clear and last night Nick read the word to me that I knew weeks ago God had given me for this season of life. Unknowingly, Nick was used by God to turn my eyes back from my worry to my Lord, Savior, and Provider.
Opening the bible at random, Nick opened to Matthew 6:25-34, the very same word I read to you in my vlog when all this started (http://www.jennthorn.blogspot.com/2016/02/words-of-comfort-st-matthew-and-st-luke.html). As I listened to his voice go over the passage I knew well, I felt sadness in my heart, sadness that I had been carrying this burden myself and starting to pull away. Sadness that in all my disappointment, worry, and stress I had begun to leave room for fear to enter my heart, and that its was beginning to take root. Sadness that lately I had been lax in my calling because I have been focused on making money for the future, not trusting that God would provide when I got there. I felt sadness looking clearly at myself and my actions without the justifications I had tried to hide behind.
Today I have seen the truth and let it convict my heart. Today I am prepared to walk as a daughter should, in confidence of my Father and His Word. Today I am humbled by my God and ready to walk forward in faith, taking care of first my responsibilities to the kingdom, and allowing my focus to remain on the work at hand, not the fears of tomorrow. I hope this blessed you my brothers and sisters, and I hope if you saw yourself in it that you allow God to turn you attention back to Him, be blessed today and always in the name of Yeshua.
Matthew 6:25-34
This isn't something I saw right away, I heard my own words of faith and trusted that they kept me firmly planted in God, while I slowly started to read and pray less over the last two weeks. Little by little and day by day the worry has become more present in mind and distracted me from doing what God had asked me to do from the start two years ago, encourage and uplift others by sharing my testimonies and others to give hope and turn eyes and lives back to Jesus. In the stress and the hurt and frustration over a friendship not working out as hoped, I have lost sight of my purpose and worried about tomorrow. I have argued with myself about what I was doing in each of these circumstances and left myself in a confused and uncertain state because I wouldn't just lay it down at the cross.
All of this became abundantly clear to me to over the weekend as I saw for the first time in a few years, my husband reaching for his bible more than me. As I sat on the floor next to Nick as he read the word the last few nights I was reminded first of how far he had come in rebuilding his relationship with God, and then I saw my own recent backsliding and my heart was convicted change. I tried to tell myself that I was okay with God and everything was fine, that I was just worried and that was perfectly natural for anyone in my circumstances. But God's word is clear and last night Nick read the word to me that I knew weeks ago God had given me for this season of life. Unknowingly, Nick was used by God to turn my eyes back from my worry to my Lord, Savior, and Provider.
Opening the bible at random, Nick opened to Matthew 6:25-34, the very same word I read to you in my vlog when all this started (http://www.jennthorn.blogspot.com/2016/02/words-of-comfort-st-matthew-and-st-luke.html). As I listened to his voice go over the passage I knew well, I felt sadness in my heart, sadness that I had been carrying this burden myself and starting to pull away. Sadness that in all my disappointment, worry, and stress I had begun to leave room for fear to enter my heart, and that its was beginning to take root. Sadness that lately I had been lax in my calling because I have been focused on making money for the future, not trusting that God would provide when I got there. I felt sadness looking clearly at myself and my actions without the justifications I had tried to hide behind.
Today I have seen the truth and let it convict my heart. Today I am prepared to walk as a daughter should, in confidence of my Father and His Word. Today I am humbled by my God and ready to walk forward in faith, taking care of first my responsibilities to the kingdom, and allowing my focus to remain on the work at hand, not the fears of tomorrow. I hope this blessed you my brothers and sisters, and I hope if you saw yourself in it that you allow God to turn you attention back to Him, be blessed today and always in the name of Yeshua.
Matthew 6:25-34
25 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?
28 “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? 31 So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own
Wednesday, March 23, 2016
Novel Excerpt-----The Healing of Eric Richardson book one Discovery
Please Note this is a small excerpt from the 12th Chapter of the novel I have been working on, I wanted to share this just so you guys can see what I have been up to lately. The title is tentative, but I think I like it much better than the two previous working titles I had (The Job, or A work in Progress). I hope you enjoy this. God bless you! If you are interested in reading earlier excerpts from this novel I'll place the links at the bottom of this page. Thank you!
Previous excerpts:
First Chapter : http://www.jennthorn.blogspot.com/2015/01/excerpt-from-work-in-progress-novel.html
Eighth Chapter : http://www.jennthorn.blogspot.com/2016/01/novel-excerpt-healing-of-eric-richardson.html
Tenth Chapter: http://www.jennthorn.blogspot.com/2016/02/novel-excerpt-healing-of-eric-richardson.html
Previous excerpts:
First Chapter : http://www.jennthorn.blogspot.com/2015/01/excerpt-from-work-in-progress-novel.html
Eighth Chapter : http://www.jennthorn.blogspot.com/2016/01/novel-excerpt-healing-of-eric-richardson.html
Tenth Chapter: http://www.jennthorn.blogspot.com/2016/02/novel-excerpt-healing-of-eric-richardson.html
It had taken most of the
afternoon to fix the mess Victoria had made of things with Charlotte, but
eventually they were talking as though nothing had happened at all. After the
drama of the first full day of her visit the next day and half with Charlotte
went smoothly and Victoria ended up being grateful for her friend’s advice with
how to handle the current situation in a Godly way that honored both herself,
her convictions and feelings, as well as her parent’s wishes for her. Not all
of Charlotte’s advice or points were easy to hear, but she knew in the end that
Charlotte was right, even if she wanted to have a romantic relationship with
Eric it would be wrong, he was too old and not really a Christian.
Before the forehead kiss Victoria had always talked
herself out of any feelings that bubbled to the surface for Eric, but now she
couldn’t do that. The simple kiss had made it clear to her that she did in fact
have feelings for her employer, and that Garret had been right to suspect the
same feelings existed on Eric’s part. But talking to Charlotte had settled
things for her, she couldn’t act on those feelings and if it became too much of
a temptation she’d have to return home. Her parents would never approve of her
seeing her boss, it had been their fear in the first place. And while Eric had
attended church with Evelynn and once with her, she knew he wasn’t really a
Christian and the warning that was found in the bible about being unequally
yoked. Charlotte was without a doubt right, seeing Eric would be a mistake and
she would do best to guard her heart before she fell for him any harder.
“Call or text me as soon as you get home Char, okay?”
Victoria asked giving her friend a tight squeeze before releasing her and
stepping away to let Charlotte leave.
“I will, and don’t forget to send me some pictures from
the beach! I am so jealous that you’ll be staying in a private beach house for
two weeks!” Charlotte squealed in genuine delight that her friend was getting
to have such an exciting experience, before opening the door to her little
silver Ford Focus that was at least ten years old, and getting inside ready for
the almost hour and a half drive she had ahead of herself.
Stepping back as her friend started the engine
and began pulling out of the drive way, Victoria’s heart sank a little. It had
been easy to follow her friend’s advice while she was there to watch her and distract
her when she started to go off into a daydream, or got upset again but now as she watched as Charlotte head out
on to road, her confidence wavered. Charlotte had been her rock over the last
couple days, but now it was all up to her, and Victoria prayed for the strength
to stay strong and hold onto her convictions when temptation came.
Life at the Richardson household had anxiously been
waiting for her attention as she tried to take a break from it and gather her
own thoughts and feelings after a very emotional week. Now that Charlotte had
left though her break was over and it was time to deal with everything she’d
been avoiding on her own, beginning with packing herself and the boys for the
trip. With these thoughts in mind
Victoria took her time walking back into the house, where she was greeted by a
crying Alex, a hiding Drake, and Braden who looked as though he was ready to
explode from the frustration of dealing with the two very active little boys.
“Oh Alex what happened baby?” Victoria cooed as she
leaned down to pick up the crying child so she could comfort him with kisses
and cuddles.
“Drake
pushed him over and took his stuffed elephant. I tried to go get him but I
couldn’t leave Alex, and he wouldn’t let me pick him up. They haven’t napped
today, I couldn’t get Drake to lay down and he kept waking up Alex. And every
time I tried to talk to Drake calmly about it he’d either start shouting ‘no’
or run way again!” Braden reported, more than happy to give Victoria her job
back and get back to his much more comfortable routine of running the house. These
last couple of days had been a good reminder to Braden that Victoria’s job
wasn’t as easy as she made it look. “How do you do this every day?”
“I
guess they just need a woman’s touch Braden. I wouldn’t take it personal, you
know Alex and Drake love you. They just aren’t used to you taking care of them
anymore.” She said smiling at her older friend as she continued to hold Alex,
rocking him gently and shushing him as his crying faded to whimpering and his
fatigue started to take over causing him to relax into the familiar comfort of
Victoria’s hold. “I’ll get Alex to sleep first, then I’ll go deal with Mr.
Drake. Thank you so much for taking over while my friend was here. I owe you
big time.”
“I’d
say no problem Vicki, but we both know this last week has been crazy. So, what
I’ll say instead is, next time you take time off or have a friend over, please
pick a better time!” Braden teased, some of his usual good nature returning as
he saw that Victoria was already getting things under control and he could now
let go of the extra burden.
“Hey,
I’m sorry about everything with Jessica, Braden. I never expected Eric to react
like that.” Victoria whispered, trying to keep her voice down so that Alex
would fall asleep.
“Honestly
Vicki, it’s for the best.” Braden replied reassuring the young woman with a
pleasant smile. Now that Jessica was gone Victoria and Braden would share the
kitchen responsibilities until someone new was hired. It was yet another extra
burden on Braden, but one he took on cheerfully, knowing that the atmosphere in
the house would now be different and that for Eric to have fired her that he
must finally be getting back to his old self.
“I
know you’re right, but I still feel bad.”
“Don’t,
like Eric told you it should have happened a long time ago, and you know why.
I’m glad to see this finally happened. I’m glad that Eric is finally making the
right choice and letting go of that mistake, hopefully for good.” Braden said
in a hushed but somewhat stern voice. To him this day had been a long time
coming, something he had prayed for as he watched his friend struggle with his
drinking and guilt. Despite the extra work load Braden saw the loss of Jessica
as answered prayer.
Victoria
nodded her understanding but still didn’t feel any better. Someone had lost
their job because she tattled on them like a child, whether they deserved to be
there or not was beside the point to her, she still felt responsible. Giving
Braden a warm smile Victoria pointed to the stairs and started to creep away to
the nursery, gently rocking the baby and humming ‘Amazing Grace’.
Watching
Victoria walk up the stairs holding a sleeping Alex, Braden thanked God for her
and prayed for Eric. He knew what was on Eric’s mind and the hopes that his
friend had recently developed where she was concerned. When
Evelynn had died after Eric’s mistake with Jessica, Braden worried that the
guilt and despair would crush his friend to the point that Eric would never
recover, but Victoria’s presence had changed that, her loving nature and
typical good humor had brought light back to all of them, but most especially
Eric. Now Braden hoped with everything in him that God
would once again answer his prayers and make Victoria a permanent part of the Richardson
household.
Over the last several months Braden had quietly
watched the growing attachment between them, how they often watched the other
when they thought no one else was looking, or how Eric was always quick to
think of her comfort or the things Victoria might enjoy. In the evenings they
spent much time talking and laughing together over the children, sometimes while
playing a game together and other times while they were watching television. Even while she was dating Garret, Victoria
had been quick to change her plans if Eric asked her to join him and the boys
for something. And then there was their intimate moment together by the pool
the other day, a moment that confirmed every suspicion he had had up until
then. Now Braden was more certain than ever of his employer’s heart and nothing
would bring him more joy than seeing the two of them together.
Monday, March 21, 2016
Keeping Joy in The Lord
Since finding out we are pregnant a month ago it has seemed that every week since has brought more and more distressing, upsetting, or disappointing news. This kind of thing is a pattern that I recognized early on as a child, good news or good events being quickly followed by the opposite. When I was a child this recognition of good followed by bad led me into blaming God for the bad and forgetting the good, because of this I became ungrateful for the good and eventually afraid of being happy at all. I expected bad at every turn, and sometimes even felt relieved when it did happen. I started to see God as hateful and unloving over time, I thought He got some kind of sick twisted pleasure from hurting us and stealing our joy, but maturity in life and spiritual growth has taught me otherwise.
Now, despite all the negative news we have gotten lately (no job after the baby comes, trouble finding a way to afford prenatal healthcare, car repairs, owing the government money, my husband's bosses trying to jip him out of pay and worry over the poor choices my brother is making) I'm still holding onto my joy, and am still grateful for the life growing inside of me and the easy pregnancy that I have had so far. I know now that God isn't in our lives to steal, kill or destroy, that God doesn't want my focus or gratitude to leave Him, but the devil does.
Several years ago, a month like we've had after such good news would have destroyed me. I would have been left in a panic, angry and bitter at God, but knowledge of His word and character have changed that for me. Because I know all good things come from God (James 1:17; & Matthew 7:11) and that the devil comes to steal, kill, and destroy (John 10:10) I am able to look at this situation and know that while it isn't comfortable, if I trust God it'll all be okay. Because of a much stronger faith in Yeshua and a better understanding of God, I know that I will walk through all of this and be okay. I know that all this negativity can be used for the greater good and God's glory in the end if submitted to Him.
Today despite what you may be facing I ask you to remember God's character and what the word teaches us about Him, remember that God does not seek our harm but the fulfillment of the potential He gave us. Remember the enemy's goal, and realize that those things that feel like they are stealing your joy can only do that if you allow it. Satan has no power over us that we don't hand him, and when we turn our focus even more to the Lord and joy, we keep that power away from him. You are children of the Most High God my brothers, and sisters, and He loves us, that should continually be our focus, continually be our joy, and when it is, there is always a reason to rejoice and have hope. Be blessed.
Proverbs 3:5-6
5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; 6 in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.
Isaiah 26:4
Trust in the LORD forever, for the LORD, the LORD himself, is the Rock eternal
Romans 15:13
Now the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that ye may abound in hope, through the power of the Holy Ghost
James 4:7
Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you
Now, despite all the negative news we have gotten lately (no job after the baby comes, trouble finding a way to afford prenatal healthcare, car repairs, owing the government money, my husband's bosses trying to jip him out of pay and worry over the poor choices my brother is making) I'm still holding onto my joy, and am still grateful for the life growing inside of me and the easy pregnancy that I have had so far. I know now that God isn't in our lives to steal, kill or destroy, that God doesn't want my focus or gratitude to leave Him, but the devil does.
Several years ago, a month like we've had after such good news would have destroyed me. I would have been left in a panic, angry and bitter at God, but knowledge of His word and character have changed that for me. Because I know all good things come from God (James 1:17; & Matthew 7:11) and that the devil comes to steal, kill, and destroy (John 10:10) I am able to look at this situation and know that while it isn't comfortable, if I trust God it'll all be okay. Because of a much stronger faith in Yeshua and a better understanding of God, I know that I will walk through all of this and be okay. I know that all this negativity can be used for the greater good and God's glory in the end if submitted to Him.
Today despite what you may be facing I ask you to remember God's character and what the word teaches us about Him, remember that God does not seek our harm but the fulfillment of the potential He gave us. Remember the enemy's goal, and realize that those things that feel like they are stealing your joy can only do that if you allow it. Satan has no power over us that we don't hand him, and when we turn our focus even more to the Lord and joy, we keep that power away from him. You are children of the Most High God my brothers, and sisters, and He loves us, that should continually be our focus, continually be our joy, and when it is, there is always a reason to rejoice and have hope. Be blessed.
Proverbs 3:5-6
5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; 6 in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.
Isaiah 26:4
Trust in the LORD forever, for the LORD, the LORD himself, is the Rock eternal
Romans 15:13
Now the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that ye may abound in hope, through the power of the Holy Ghost
James 4:7
Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you
Monday, March 7, 2016
My Truest Friend
A friend put up a post on Facebook this morning that had a quote on it I've probably seen and heard a hundred times without ever really thinking about it, but today it really sat in my heart. Partly because when I read it I knew I had let her down in the past when I should have been by her side, and partly because twice in that situation, I was alone. The quote said that 'when trouble comes and you're at your worst you find out who your real friends are by the ones who stick around.' Her response to this quote is she was left with one true friend, and it stung because when we were teens it was me, but that isn't so true anymore. I wanted to respond to this post but chose not to, I wanted to tell her she's lucky to have that one friend because going through it all alone is so much harder, but I didn't because I didn't want to make her think I was angry with her.
8-9 years ago I took advantage of her friendship and picked the wrong friend when I was really confused about everything. Near the end of that friendship with the wrong choice I was completely broke, in debt up to my eyeballs, nearly homeless, averaging 2-3 panic attacks a day, severely depressed, and living on coffee, toast, and the kindness of others. I had no one to turn to, and my life just kept getting worse. I was making bad decision after bad decision, and I could no longer stand the person I saw in the mirror. My parents and my whole family were angry with me for the choices I was making, I couldn't go home without feeling like they were coming down on me. I had no friends I could trust, and my boyfriend at the time cheated on me and flaunted the relationships in my face. I was left with no one but God to turn to.
Day after day I called out to my heavenly Father in desperation, begging Him to take me out of my circumstances. I begged Him to change my life. Then one evening I met my husband in a Hollywood rom-com circumstance and my life began to change. Nick not only picked me up off the sidewalk after I blacked out from a sugar crash, he helped picked me up out of desperation and set my feet back onto the narrow path. He was the tool that God used to literally lift me up again.
4 years later though, as a new bride living with my husband in a house we rented together and planned to start a life in, I would find myself alone again, battling anxiety and suicidal depression worse than I had experienced ever before, needless to say it wasn't the happy fairy tale I had imagined. Shortly after moving in my husband's world crashed around him and he pulled away from me, he shut down and withdrew inside himself. I no longer knew the man I was living with, he was someone totally different from the man I had fallen for and I was crushed. I had mistakenly centered my life on Nick and not God, so when he pulled away because of the emotional trauma he was going through I was left completely alone and unable to get by, I had unwittingly made him my savior instead of Jesus and losing him quite literally almost killed me.
For about a year we lived together battling our own demons separately, quietly, and had a more superficial relationship in comparison to the deep bond we had before. I felt completely isolated. I cried myself to sleep most nights waiting until I heard him snoring and then burying my face in a pillow to muffle the sound so I wouldn't wake him. Everyday I battled thoughts of suicide, divorce, and hopelessness. My depression worsened and I started to lose all control of myself, lashing out at random, and crying every time it got quiet, I had no control. Finally I hit bottom and I started to call out to God again. I begged Him to fix my life and promised I would give Him the rest of my life if He just got me out of this mess I was in. Again He answered my heart's plea and slowly things got better for me. I started to go to counseling, I got a new job, two really, and I started making God the center of my life.
As I learned scripture and applied it to life, as I talked to Him daily and read His word my life changed and I discovered my identity was in Him. I discovered my truest friend died for my sins and the sins of this world. I discovered that while people are certainly important, and necessary to our walk, life, and happiness we can't put our faith in man. I found that as I served God, I began to feel free not only from my past, the depression, and the anxiety but the pressure to fit in and please man. I found that in those troubled times, man had abandoned me and cut me down, but God had walked beside me. My friend's quote today was about people, but when I read it I was reminded that people had disappointed me, that people had left me alone when I needed them most, and that God was my truest friend, He is the one who will never forsake me, or you. Be blessed brothers and sisters and know that wherever you go, Yeshua is with you.
Psalm 107:28
Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble, and he delivered them from their distress
Psalm 116:3-6
3 The cords of death entangled me, the anguish of the grave came over me; I was overcome by distress and sorrow. 4 Then I called on the name of the Lord: “Lord, save me!” 5 The Lord is gracious and righteous; our God is full of compassion. 6 The Lord protects the unwary; when I was brought low, he saved me
Galatians 1:4
Who gave himself for our sins to deliver us from the present evil age, according to the will of our God and Father
Colossians 1:13
He has delivered us from the domain of darkness and transferred us to the kingdom of his beloved Son
8-9 years ago I took advantage of her friendship and picked the wrong friend when I was really confused about everything. Near the end of that friendship with the wrong choice I was completely broke, in debt up to my eyeballs, nearly homeless, averaging 2-3 panic attacks a day, severely depressed, and living on coffee, toast, and the kindness of others. I had no one to turn to, and my life just kept getting worse. I was making bad decision after bad decision, and I could no longer stand the person I saw in the mirror. My parents and my whole family were angry with me for the choices I was making, I couldn't go home without feeling like they were coming down on me. I had no friends I could trust, and my boyfriend at the time cheated on me and flaunted the relationships in my face. I was left with no one but God to turn to.
Day after day I called out to my heavenly Father in desperation, begging Him to take me out of my circumstances. I begged Him to change my life. Then one evening I met my husband in a Hollywood rom-com circumstance and my life began to change. Nick not only picked me up off the sidewalk after I blacked out from a sugar crash, he helped picked me up out of desperation and set my feet back onto the narrow path. He was the tool that God used to literally lift me up again.
4 years later though, as a new bride living with my husband in a house we rented together and planned to start a life in, I would find myself alone again, battling anxiety and suicidal depression worse than I had experienced ever before, needless to say it wasn't the happy fairy tale I had imagined. Shortly after moving in my husband's world crashed around him and he pulled away from me, he shut down and withdrew inside himself. I no longer knew the man I was living with, he was someone totally different from the man I had fallen for and I was crushed. I had mistakenly centered my life on Nick and not God, so when he pulled away because of the emotional trauma he was going through I was left completely alone and unable to get by, I had unwittingly made him my savior instead of Jesus and losing him quite literally almost killed me.
For about a year we lived together battling our own demons separately, quietly, and had a more superficial relationship in comparison to the deep bond we had before. I felt completely isolated. I cried myself to sleep most nights waiting until I heard him snoring and then burying my face in a pillow to muffle the sound so I wouldn't wake him. Everyday I battled thoughts of suicide, divorce, and hopelessness. My depression worsened and I started to lose all control of myself, lashing out at random, and crying every time it got quiet, I had no control. Finally I hit bottom and I started to call out to God again. I begged Him to fix my life and promised I would give Him the rest of my life if He just got me out of this mess I was in. Again He answered my heart's plea and slowly things got better for me. I started to go to counseling, I got a new job, two really, and I started making God the center of my life.
As I learned scripture and applied it to life, as I talked to Him daily and read His word my life changed and I discovered my identity was in Him. I discovered my truest friend died for my sins and the sins of this world. I discovered that while people are certainly important, and necessary to our walk, life, and happiness we can't put our faith in man. I found that as I served God, I began to feel free not only from my past, the depression, and the anxiety but the pressure to fit in and please man. I found that in those troubled times, man had abandoned me and cut me down, but God had walked beside me. My friend's quote today was about people, but when I read it I was reminded that people had disappointed me, that people had left me alone when I needed them most, and that God was my truest friend, He is the one who will never forsake me, or you. Be blessed brothers and sisters and know that wherever you go, Yeshua is with you.
Psalm 107:28
Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble, and he delivered them from their distress
Psalm 116:3-6
3 The cords of death entangled me, the anguish of the grave came over me; I was overcome by distress and sorrow. 4 Then I called on the name of the Lord: “Lord, save me!” 5 The Lord is gracious and righteous; our God is full of compassion. 6 The Lord protects the unwary; when I was brought low, he saved me
Galatians 1:4
Who gave himself for our sins to deliver us from the present evil age, according to the will of our God and Father
Colossians 1:13
He has delivered us from the domain of darkness and transferred us to the kingdom of his beloved Son
Thursday, March 3, 2016
Faith in an Uncertain Future
Maybe I'm silly and naïve or maybe it's just faith, but after having my fears confirmed yesterday, I'm still at peace. Despite finding out that my employment will end after I have my baby, I'm still not worried, I just have faith that God will provide for us one way or another. It's my dream to be a stay at home mom, but I know that isn't possible at the moment with our finances, we need both incomes, and yet I still am not worried. I know it's going to be difficult to find another family to work for where I can bring my baby too, but I'm still not worried. Maybe I should be worried but all I can think of are the words a good friend told me repeatedly over the last couple of years, 'Your Father is the King, and you are His precious daughter, He will never leave you or forsake you.'
I think of those words, I think of my past, and I think of how far I have come since giving my life to God, and again I feel reassured. When I met my husband in 2008, I was nearly homeless working three jobs, in debt up to my eyeballs, going to school full-time and only eating toast with coffee unless someone else offered me a free meal. I had no money, everything that came in went right back out again, I was drowning in debt, anxiety, and hopelessness. Today my life is very much the opposite, we just bought our first home in the country, we have a newer car, money in savings, a baby on the way, and hope for a future, despite our current bump in the road. This to me is all a testament to the fact that God provides, and it allows me to rest in Him now.
I believe to my very core that God didn't bring me out of desperation to take me back there again. I believe with all that I have in me that God didn't lead us to our home and car so we would lose them. I know the Lord giveth and taketh away, but I really don't think He has brought us this far forward to set us back again. I could always be wrong though, and even if I am, God is still God, and God is still good, I have nothing to fear. God is my provider, and not my employers. God is my refuge and strong tower, I know in Him I will always be taken care of, I know in Him I am always safe. My future is uncertain right now, but I do not fear because I know in whose hands it rest. Be blessed and encouraged brothers and sisters, Yahweh goes before us.
Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths
Isaiah 41:10
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
Philippians 4:19
And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.
James 1:2-4
Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.
I think of those words, I think of my past, and I think of how far I have come since giving my life to God, and again I feel reassured. When I met my husband in 2008, I was nearly homeless working three jobs, in debt up to my eyeballs, going to school full-time and only eating toast with coffee unless someone else offered me a free meal. I had no money, everything that came in went right back out again, I was drowning in debt, anxiety, and hopelessness. Today my life is very much the opposite, we just bought our first home in the country, we have a newer car, money in savings, a baby on the way, and hope for a future, despite our current bump in the road. This to me is all a testament to the fact that God provides, and it allows me to rest in Him now.
I believe to my very core that God didn't bring me out of desperation to take me back there again. I believe with all that I have in me that God didn't lead us to our home and car so we would lose them. I know the Lord giveth and taketh away, but I really don't think He has brought us this far forward to set us back again. I could always be wrong though, and even if I am, God is still God, and God is still good, I have nothing to fear. God is my provider, and not my employers. God is my refuge and strong tower, I know in Him I will always be taken care of, I know in Him I am always safe. My future is uncertain right now, but I do not fear because I know in whose hands it rest. Be blessed and encouraged brothers and sisters, Yahweh goes before us.
Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths
Isaiah 41:10
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
Philippians 4:19
And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.
James 1:2-4
Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.
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