Turning My Focus to Truth

       Lately I have had so much on my mind that it has been hard to focus on writing, especially in this blog. The worry over not knowing when I would have an income to replace the one I'll be losing, the stress of seeing every penny we had in savings slowly being drained as we pay government fines for not having health insurance, deal with home repairs and car repairs, difficulties with a stressful friendship and worry over affording prenatal health care. In all of this I have said and tried to believe that God will handle it all, that it will all be for good and I do believe that, but if I'm honest with you and myself I had let this worry come between me and God, unknowingly I had started to drift.
       This isn't something I saw right away, I heard my own words of faith and trusted that they kept me firmly planted in God, while I slowly started to read and pray less over the last two weeks. Little by little and day by day the worry has become more present in mind and distracted me from doing what God had asked me to do from the start two years ago, encourage and uplift others by sharing my testimonies and others to give hope and turn eyes and lives back to Jesus. In the stress and the hurt and frustration over a friendship not working out as hoped, I have lost sight of my purpose and worried about tomorrow. I have argued with myself about what I was doing in each of these circumstances and left myself in a confused and uncertain state because I wouldn't just lay it down at the cross.
       All of this became abundantly clear to me to over the weekend as I saw for the first time in a few years, my husband reaching for his bible more than me. As I sat on the floor next to Nick as he read the word the last few nights I was reminded first of how far he had come in rebuilding his relationship with God, and then I saw my own recent backsliding and my heart was convicted  change. I  tried to tell myself that I was okay with God and everything was fine, that I was just worried and that was perfectly natural for anyone in my circumstances. But God's word is clear and last night Nick read the word to me that I knew weeks ago God had given me for this season of life. Unknowingly, Nick was used by God to turn my eyes back from my worry to my Lord, Savior, and Provider.
       Opening the bible at random, Nick opened to Matthew 6:25-34, the very same word I read to you in my vlog when all this started (http://www.jennthorn.blogspot.com/2016/02/words-of-comfort-st-matthew-and-st-luke.html). As I listened to his voice go over the passage I knew well, I felt sadness in my heart, sadness that I had been carrying this burden myself and starting to pull away. Sadness that in all my disappointment, worry, and stress I had begun to leave room for fear to enter my heart, and that its was beginning to take root. Sadness that lately I had been lax in my calling because I have been focused on making money for the future, not trusting that God would provide when I got there. I felt sadness looking clearly at myself and my actions without the justifications I had tried to hide behind.
       Today I have seen the truth and let it convict my heart. Today I am prepared to walk as a daughter should, in confidence of my Father and His Word. Today I am humbled by my God and ready to walk forward in faith, taking care of first my responsibilities to the kingdom, and allowing my focus to remain on the work at hand, not the fears of tomorrow. I hope this blessed you my brothers and sisters, and I hope if you saw yourself in it that you allow God to turn you attention back to Him, be blessed today and always in the name of Yeshua.

 Matthew 6:25-34

25 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?

28 “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? 31 So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own