Yesterday I was sick almost all day, nothing serious, just morning sickness but I couldn't shake it. I spent all day on my couch, I called off work, and slept and relaxed as much as I could. This gave me a good chance to think. A chance to take in all the advice, well wishes, and encouragement I received after my post Monday. One piece in particular really sat with me, it really helped and today I not only feel like I am on the mend physically but spiritually too.
What was said came from a brother in Christ who asked me to look at what felt true to me, not what is true but what felt true at the moment. And honestly what felt true was fear, doubt, and uncertainty about my future. What felt true, right and sensible was worry over tomorrow, worry over my circumstances. Then he asked to give that to Jesus, to look at God and let the real truth settle things in my heart by laying it all at the cross. As I did this and admitted out loud my feelings, fears, doubts, and worries, I started to get some of my peace back. I started to feel some relief.
Nothing at all in my circumstances has changed, we are still struggling with the same issues, we still don't know how we will make up for my lost income in October, but now I'm not looking that far ahead and worrying anymore. Instead I'm looking at today and asking what can I do right now, what should I be doing right now. Again I am reminded of Matthew 6, this time just the final verse, verse 34 "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."
When we look to far ahead it's very easy to get overwhelmed. It's easy to lose focus of who our God is, and it's easy to get swept away by fear and doubt. It's so easy in fact that we can even deceive ourselves into speaking faith while in our hearts we cling to fear and uncertainty. And I am not saying don't speak faith. because we need to. We need to do that, what I am saying is that when we are speaking faith but focused on the fear, its only lip service because our hearts are tied to another master in that instant. When we are in a state of fear we are giving up the joy of the Lord for the burdens of the world, I speak from experience.
Today I don't know what my future holds, but I do know that I have a few opportunities I am trying, I have my Jewelry in Candles (http://www.fragrantjewels.com/#_l_q1), my book,(http://www.jennthorn.blogspot.com/2016/03/novel-excerpt-healing-of-eric.html) and I am trying a new health and wellness store called Melaleuca for safer, cleaner and often cheaper products in my home so there aren't so many chemicals in the house when the baby comes. I don't know if anything will happen with any of this though, I don't know that past a chemical free home that anything will be successful, but I know one touch from God and it could be. I know one touch from God and everything could change in a moment, and it's in that assurance I find peace today. Be blessed brothers and sisters, today and everyday.
Psalm 27:4-5
One thing have I asked of the LORD, that will I seek after: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD and to inquire in his temple. For he will hide me in his shelter in the day of trouble; he will conceal me under the cover of his tent; he will lift me high upon a rock.
Proverbs 24:14
Know that wisdom is such to your soul; if you find it, there will be a future, and your hope will not be cut off.
Romans 12:12
Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.
Hebrews 11:1
Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.
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