Anyone who has ever cared for a child, or more than one knows that there are good days and there are bad days. Sometimes it's bad because of you and your attitude, and sometimes it's the children and their attitudes. Today, it was combination of both, leading to a very long stressful morning with more than a few tears. At first I was honestly pretty patient but after a while I started to get sharp and blamed the children for my being that way in my heart when I would raise my voice. They were fighting non-stop over every little thing, throwing tantrums when told no, getting into mischief, hitting, and biting each other as well as me. I care for toddlers so some of this is expected everyday and typically I can easily redirect their attention and keep the peace, but that was not the case this morning, and after two and half hours of struggling with the behaviors I started to lose my cool.
My patients wore thin and soon I wanted to cry with them. I was raising my voice more often now and even growling and grumbling to myself under my breathe after removing them from a bad situation to a new one. I started to count down the minutes until lunch and naptime, a time where I knew I would find peace, a time where I could listen to the word on an audio bible while cleaning or to a sermon. I started focusing on that moment pressing to it, checking the time often between battles, and seeing that it barely changed, and my mood sank lower.
Then a thought came into my mind, "is this how I love you?" I stopped and thought about this more. Was God's goodness and patience toward us dependent on our moods or His? Does He appreciate us only when we listen? He may be happier when we obey, but His love is unconditional, something that my love today was not. Not that I really withheld love or affection from them, but that my response to their misdeeds today had become unloving. Instead of gently redirecting one or both if they started fighting, I was frustrated and raising my voice when I separated them. Instead of just ignoring their tantrums and focusing on the other until they calmed down, I found myself thinking 'I can't wait until nap so I don't have to deal with them anymore.' At every opportunity this morning my flesh rose up and I blindly followed it down the wrong road with my tone of voice and thoughts.
But that simple question turned me around, I looked at myself and my actions this morning and I started to feel repentant. I made a greater effort after this to be aware of my responses and think them through before reacting and did much better. Then as soon as I finished putting them to bed I prayed. I asked for forgiveness, and thanked God for it. I asked Him to help me be someone to influence these children for Him, and always show them His love in all that I do in caring for them. I asked Him that they too would be in better moods after nap and that the rest of the day would be better. But even if it isn't better, even if they aren't better I know I will handle things better, and that will make the afternoon go smoother in itself. I know I am not perfect, and today was a good example of how imperfect I am, but it was also a reminder that our Lord does not leave us alone to battle the flesh, that the Holy Spirit is there to correct us and led us on the path of righteousness, and that our God is good in the small and the large. Be blessed.
John 3:5-8
5 Jesus answered, “Very truly I tell you, no one can enter the kingdom of God unless they are born of water and the Spirit. 6 Flesh gives birth to flesh, but the Spirit gives birth to spirit. 7 You should not be surprised at my saying, ‘You must be born again.’ 8 The wind blows wherever it pleases. You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going. So it is with everyone born of the Spirit.”
John 16:13
When the Spirit of truth comes, he will guide you into all the truth, for he will not speak on his own authority, but whatever he hears he will speak, and he will declare to you the things that are to come.
2 Corinthians 3:18
And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit.
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