My day started out pretty good today, I had my quiet time with God and a cup of coffee before I left for work, I read a devotional with the twins I care for at work, and I got to leave work early because their parents decided to take the rest of the week off. All in all a good day, and I was happy and grateful for it. My mood was high and my heart focused on joy and love, my mind fixed on enjoying the moment and intermittent prayer as I went through the morning. But then a song started playing on my cd player as I drove home and suddenly my mind spiraled into a dark and painful place. Typically I can hear this song now without any of those old thoughts or feelings, usually I can listen to this cd without any of the old memories bugging me, but today it gripped me in a way that it hadn't in a long time. Suddenly I was lost in a flood of old memories, fighting back tears as I drove, and choking down the anxiety that had been constant at that time in my life. Suddenly I couldn't breathe or think, I was completely consumed by how I had felt at that time in my life. Crying, I struggled to escape the painful memories, trying my hardest to redirect my thoughts well after I changed the song.
One song had completely shifted my mood and stolen my joy. One song set me off course and caused me to lose focus. It's amazing how that happens, how one little thing can set someone off like that, and that's exactly the way our enemy likes it. Satan doesn't want us to be focused on God's love or be in communication with Him, he doesn't want us serving or praising. He wants us distracted and will use anything he can to make that happen. For me today it was this song, and for about an hour it worked. I did my best to use my coping techniques I learned in therapy to push away these thoughts, I kept telling myself I was safe now, this was long ago, I was in a better place and in a happier life now, it helped some but not really a lot. Then the words of another song came to me, words that I know are true and reminded me of what I needed to do, the words were: "There is power in the name of Jesus." The light was back and I started to rebuke these thoughts in Jesus name, and declared freedom from them, immediately I felt a difference! So I started to say it louder and louder, until I felt better. Now I was thinking more clearly, no more tears, no more pain, and no more anxiety. I felt relief from it, but knew I needed to keep busy and keep my mind focused on God to keep those thoughts from coming back.
After this I started talking to a friend and my husband while I did some work around the house, I started praising God and writing this blog. I shared the experience first with my husband and now with you, and I did that because three years ago I didn't know how to break free from these kinds of thoughts, I didn't know how to redirect my thoughts. My thoughts and emotions ruled me tossing me about on a sea of chaos, anxiety attacks were common, and depression an almost constant aspect of my life. But Yeshua changed that. After I surrendered to Christ after I realized what He did for me on that cross, when I understood forgiveness, He set me free. Now in that freedom I know joy, peace, and abundant life, not as the world sees them on a superficial and materialistic way but in a rewarding way that comes from the depths of my soul and allows me to feel free and see beyond how I feel in the here and now. Because of Jesus I now know I can call on Him when the anxiety rises, when my thoughts pull me into despair, and He will always deliver me. He will always provide a way out for me, a way out of trouble of any kind. I shared this because I want this same kind of thing for all those who read this, and even those who don't. I want everyone to know what freedom in Jesus Christ feels like, what forgiveness and love can do in your heart to change you when you accept it.
This evening I feel much as I did this morning, good and at peace in my soul. I feel grateful and happy. I am pleased to have another day serving my Lord, and living this beautiful life He gave me. It may be far from perfect, and many would probably not see it as blessed, but I love this life, and I love what I do. I write my heart on these post, and God uses it help to people, I care for two beautiful little boys while their parents work, and I have an amazing husband who appreciates me like no one else and who is very patient with me. I no longer struggle daily with anxiety or depression, and I am no longer under the burdens of shame or guilt. I still sometimes struggle with doubt, but even then when I finally get sick of suffering and call on my Savior He releases me from it. One thing almost prevented me from this peace today, one thing almost wrecked my mood and my day, but there is power in the name of Jesus and Yeshua comes when He is called. Be blessed brothers and sisters.
Psalm 37:39
The salvation of the righteous is from the Lord; he is their stronghold in the time of trouble.
Psalm 91:14-15
14 “Because he holds fast to me in love, I will deliver him; I will protect him, because he knows my name. 15 When he calls to me, I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble; I will rescue him and honor him.
Psalm 107:28
Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble, and he delivered them from their distress
John 8:32
And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free."
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