The more time I am on the web, the more convinced I am that some people create their own persecution. What do I mean by this? Well, some people are completely convinced that whoever has a disagreeing opinion is wrong without being willing to hear out the other person, then they become argumentative and combative in their responses to that person. This angry disrespectful response will very often lead to them being banned or removed from communities, sometimes this will happen repeatedly, and they will begin to believe themselves persecuted because of their beliefs, entrenching them deeper into that thought pattern. This kind of behavior leaves little room to find the common ground or any possibility of agreeing to disagree, let alone opening either up to truly learn and grow from the discussion. Lately I have been seeing this a lot more of this kind of thing.
I knew before I got online that not everyone was going to like what I have to say, I expected it. I expected that some of the people who disagreed with me would be right and I would be wrong. I know I have a lot to learn still, and that I need to be open to correction in order to learn and grow spiritually. I knew that some of the things I believed would be challenged and would be shown to be wrong as I continued to seek God, these are things I still expect. That being said, I have talked to some people who felt very different from me. They have claimed persecution on the net for their beliefs and at first I was willing to believe that may be true. But as time went on and I got to know them, I realized it wasn't persecution they were experiencing at all, it was backlash for their disrespectful attitudes towards others.
I am not trying to judge anyone here, mostly I am just trying to give illustration to the fact that sometimes we see what we want to see. Sometimes our pride keeps us blinded and instead of receiving correction as a chance for growth we perceive it as an attack. Instead of realizing that our behavior may have something to do with why people are turning away from us, we see it as them not being able to handle the truth...or at least our brand of it. Instead of going to God with the point of disagreement and waiting on Him to give clarification, we react on our own ideas about scripture and their meaning, often harshly due to wounded pride.
I am not saying that the people who react this way are wrong all the time either. Sometimes they are very right. Sometimes they truly are speaking truth, but the attitude with which the message is delivered and the pride they carry, often makes their words ineffective. You can be wrong in an argument and still be right in your beliefs. What do I mean? The wrong heart, attitude, or tone in addressing someone can make you wrong because of how you act, no one listens to someone who is always shouting, or always right, someone who is puffed up with pride in their own knowledge and won't hear anyone out, this only leads to more fighting, and more arguing.
The bible states these things about anger and harshness, Proverbs 15:1 'A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.' Psalm 37:8 'Refrain from anger, and forsake wrath! Fret not yourself; it tends only to evil.' and James 1:20 'For the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.' there are many others verses I could add too and I will share a few more below, but I also want to show you what it says about kindness, love and respect for others. Proverbs 11:17 'A man who is kind benefits himself, but a cruel man hurts himself.' Proverbs 31:26 'She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.' and 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 'Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.' I hope you meditate on this today, look at yourself and your heart, where do you fall in this? Pray to our Father and ask His wisdom and to change your heart if need be. My brothers and sisters, be blessed today and always.
Proverbs 15:18
A hot-tempered man stirs up strife, but he who is slow to anger quiets contention.
Galatians 6:10
So then, as we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone, and especially to those who are of the household of faith
Ephesians 4:26-27
Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil
Hebrews 12:14
Strive for peace with everyone, and for the holiness without which no one will see the Lord.
Wednesday, October 28, 2015
Monday, October 26, 2015
Something Stuck on my Mind
This morning as usual I was listening to the Christian music station Klove as I drove into work. One of my favorite things about this station is that each morning they share the encouraging story of the day, where someone calls in and gives testimony of how God has impacted their life. Today's story was really different from anything I'm used to hearing on there and has really stuck with me through the day. Typically the testimonies given are by people who are or always have been believers, or people in jail who meet God in their desperation. Today's story though, came from a former atheist, and I keep going back to something he said in the course of the interview.
During the interview they asked him some questions that I think most of us would, were you always an atheist or did this happen later in life? What made you decide there wasn't a God? And what made you turn back to God. This guy stated that he didn't grow up in a home where they were really taught about God, but that up until the death of his brother and shortly there after his father, he had felt that there was a God, these tragic events however changed that and to him became proof that there wasn't a God. He said that when these things happened he believed that there could absolutely be no God because a good or loving God would not have allowed such tragedy into his life. His pain became his proof and he admitted he went out of his way to tear down and disprove Christians, it became a mission for him to deny God and prove to others he was right to do so.
Then he said the thing that I can't quit thinking about. He said looking back he realizes that the only person he was really trying to convince was himself. He said every atheist who sets out to prove there isn't a God is really only trying to prove it to themselves, because people who don't believe in something don't waste time trying to disprove it. The radio Dj then said that he could see this man's point because he didn't believe in aliens but didn't go out of his way to disprove it to those who did. To him it was a settled thing, and he was fully convinced of it so he had no reason to waste time discussing it, or targeting people who did believe. The Dj said if you don't believe there really isn't a reason to hunt out someone to argue your point with them that it was their choice so unless asked to state his opinion on that he kept it to himself. It's only when you need to convince yourself that this kind of targeted and persistent behavior is exhibited because you need the reassurance of being proven right.
I really can't say if this is all true or just one man's opinion based on his observations from his experiences, but I can kind of see his point too. I have often wondered why so much time and energy was spent cutting down and mocking Christians if these people truly didn't believe, because as the Dj who interviewed him had said if you don't believe there really isn't a reason to hunt out someone to argue your point with them. That kind of behavior to me represents two things insecurity and a need to fuel a false pride to hide it, a false sense of superiority.
After hearing this man's testimony this morning and thinking about it all day I'm left with a desire to ask all of you to pray for those who don't believe in Jesus as the way, for the atheist that mock and target us as fodder for their pages. They need our prayers desperately, whether they know it or not. Be blessed brothers and sisters, and walk in love even to those who make it difficult.
Psalm 14:1
Proverbs 28:26
Romans 1:20
For his invisible attributes, namely, his eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly perceived, ever since the creation of the world, in the things that have been made. So they are without excuse
2 Peter 3:3-7
3 Above all, you must understand that in the last days scoffers will come, scoffing and following their own evil desires. 4 They will say, “Where is this ‘coming’ he promised? Ever since our ancestors died, everything goes on as it has since the beginning of creation.” 5 But they deliberately forget that long ago by God’s word the heavens came into being and the earth was formed out of water and by water. 6 By these waters also the world of that time was deluged and destroyed. 7 By the same word the present heavens and earth are reserved for fire, being kept for the day of judgment and destruction of the ungodly.
During the interview they asked him some questions that I think most of us would, were you always an atheist or did this happen later in life? What made you decide there wasn't a God? And what made you turn back to God. This guy stated that he didn't grow up in a home where they were really taught about God, but that up until the death of his brother and shortly there after his father, he had felt that there was a God, these tragic events however changed that and to him became proof that there wasn't a God. He said that when these things happened he believed that there could absolutely be no God because a good or loving God would not have allowed such tragedy into his life. His pain became his proof and he admitted he went out of his way to tear down and disprove Christians, it became a mission for him to deny God and prove to others he was right to do so.
Then he said the thing that I can't quit thinking about. He said looking back he realizes that the only person he was really trying to convince was himself. He said every atheist who sets out to prove there isn't a God is really only trying to prove it to themselves, because people who don't believe in something don't waste time trying to disprove it. The radio Dj then said that he could see this man's point because he didn't believe in aliens but didn't go out of his way to disprove it to those who did. To him it was a settled thing, and he was fully convinced of it so he had no reason to waste time discussing it, or targeting people who did believe. The Dj said if you don't believe there really isn't a reason to hunt out someone to argue your point with them that it was their choice so unless asked to state his opinion on that he kept it to himself. It's only when you need to convince yourself that this kind of targeted and persistent behavior is exhibited because you need the reassurance of being proven right.
I really can't say if this is all true or just one man's opinion based on his observations from his experiences, but I can kind of see his point too. I have often wondered why so much time and energy was spent cutting down and mocking Christians if these people truly didn't believe, because as the Dj who interviewed him had said if you don't believe there really isn't a reason to hunt out someone to argue your point with them. That kind of behavior to me represents two things insecurity and a need to fuel a false pride to hide it, a false sense of superiority.
After hearing this man's testimony this morning and thinking about it all day I'm left with a desire to ask all of you to pray for those who don't believe in Jesus as the way, for the atheist that mock and target us as fodder for their pages. They need our prayers desperately, whether they know it or not. Be blessed brothers and sisters, and walk in love even to those who make it difficult.
Psalm 14:1
The fool says in his heart, “There is no God.” They are corrupt, their deeds are vile; there is no one who does good.
Proverbs 28:26
Those who trust in themselves are fools, but those who walk in wisdom are kept safe.
Romans 1:20
For his invisible attributes, namely, his eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly perceived, ever since the creation of the world, in the things that have been made. So they are without excuse
2 Peter 3:3-7
3 Above all, you must understand that in the last days scoffers will come, scoffing and following their own evil desires. 4 They will say, “Where is this ‘coming’ he promised? Ever since our ancestors died, everything goes on as it has since the beginning of creation.” 5 But they deliberately forget that long ago by God’s word the heavens came into being and the earth was formed out of water and by water. 6 By these waters also the world of that time was deluged and destroyed. 7 By the same word the present heavens and earth are reserved for fire, being kept for the day of judgment and destruction of the ungodly.
Friday, October 23, 2015
The Hardest Night of my Life
In this past year I think the biggest lesson God has taught me is that the pain and suffering I feel in certain circumstances can be used to comfort someone else. That by staying in faith when the hurt and stress are overwhelming, that you can comfort and inspire others through that. This lesson didn't come the easy way, I didn't understand just from reading verses like Romans 5:3-5; or Philippians 4:12, I've learned it from walking through difficult, stressful, and emotionally trying times this year, and praising God anyway. I've shared only a little of what has gone on with you, wanting to keep some things private for my family's sake, or because I honestly wasn't strong enough to talk about it in detail yet, but I've been amazed by how many have told me they found hope or inspiration because of what's been shared. To me, that is God at work, and I give Him all the glory for it. Today I am strong enough to handle talking about one of the hardest things that happened this year. It's something I really feel lead to share today and I'm not sure why, but I'm guessing someone else needs this testimony.
Back in November of 2014 my aunt started to show signs that she was again deeply depressed. This has been an off and on thing with her for many years, sometimes we have been able to pull her out of before it got bad, this time we weren't. We tried our best to convince her to go see a doctor, to get help for the way she felt, but she's stubborn and wouldn't listen to reason. So with our hands tied my mom and I started taking turns checking on my aunt because the last time it got bad like this, she attempted suicide. Everyday after we got off work one of us would drive a half hour to spend time with her, make sure she ate, clean up a little around her place, and I would share the Word with her.
In February 2015, during one of my visits my aunt said the prayer of salvation for the first time, I was ecstatic, but I knew the battle wasn't over, I had said the same prayer twice inviting God into my heart before I truly surrendered my heart and life to Him. The enemy had tried many things between saying that prayer and actual surrender to deceive and try to keep me from truly coming to the Lord, I doubted it would be any different for her. A week later to the day I got in my car after work and didn't feel like going to my aunt's house. I had had a long day at work and thought I might skip a night and just call her instead, as I had done on some nights where the roads were too bad to drive. But as I drove home I felt a need to go, whether I wanted to or not.
When I got there the door was unlocked and my aunt was in the bathroom. After waiting a few minutes and not having her come out, I called down the hall to her. She didn't reply but I heard a lot of noises from the bathroom and a few minutes later she came out. I noticed she had something heavy under her sweatshirt around her neck but didn't think too much about it because she had been complaining a lot around that time of being cold. I started sharing the Word with her and telling her how Jesus could heal the pain in her heart if she started to form a relationship with Him and gave Him her pain. Part way through she stopped me and said 'it's too late for that Jenn.' I asked what she meant but she didn't answer me, then after a pause, she went to the bathroom again, this time I went back there too. As I opened the door and walked into the bathroom I saw why my aunt had said it was too late. She had slit her throat and had been hiding it from me under her sweatshirt with a band aid an ace bandage and a scarf. I was horrified to say the least.
Immediately I went into action mode praying silently for strength and clarity as I took the necessary steps. I knew practically that it would take longer for an ambulance to reach us and get her to the hospital than if I just took her myself because of how far out in the country my aunt lived, so I forced my aunt to get ready and get in my car, while I called my parent's and had my mom meet me at the hospital. I argued most of the way there with my aunt as she begged me not to take her, to just let her go home. At one point I became extremely agitated at her pleas to return to the house and rebuked her in the name of Jesus. She didn't speak again for a full 15 minutes and then it was only to say that she was afraid she wouldn't see anyone again. I reassured her that I would come to the hospital everyday that I could, that I wouldn't leave her there alone.
I stayed strong that night at the hospital for my mom, grandmother, and aunt, attending to them whenever they needed something, praying in every free minute, and calling a couple friends to pray too. Eventually they got her stitched up and moved her to the mental health ward, they told us then that the cut was much deeper than we had initially thought and she could have died had I not made her come in. I thanked God that I had gone despite not wanting to, I really don't know how I could have handled the guilt had I not.
When I went home, Nick held me as I wept into chest. The events of the night, the sight of the bloody knife and my aunt's neck played over and over in my mind like a terrible unending nightmare. I felt like I couldn't escape the images. I eventually tried to sleep, but it was restless, still the images haunted me. The next morning I began praying for God to fade the images, to take away my torment and make it a distant dream, within a couple days that's exactly what happened.
My aunt was hospitalized from February until September, and I kept my word to her until July when I could no longer handle the verbal abuse spewed at me at each of my visits. I didn't speak to her for several months after that, until probably shortly after she got out, I needed time to heal and forgive her before I could again talk to her. I had been very hurt by some of the things she said to me, and the false accusations she made about my parents. I realize that she said all those things from a place of hurt, frustration, and anger, but there was only so much of it I could take before having to step back. Now I am happy report, my aunt and I are talking and we hope to start Bible study again after I finish moving and get settled at my new place. She is doing quite well now that she has adjusted to her medication and is taking care of my grandmother giving her life some purpose and direction.
I'm still not sure why I shared all this today, but I hope if you took the time to read you come away with a couple of things. First, that God speaks to our heart in those tiny urges that tell us we need to do something, even if it seems strange or we really don't want to we need to listen to these urges. Second, God can remove or distance painful thoughts from our mind if we give them to Him and third, there is hope in situations that seem trying, endless, and stressful when you trust Him. If you lean into God, it becomes possible to overcome tough situations and even find reasons to rejoice despite the circumstances. Be blessed my friends...
Update, I'm heartbroken to report that as of Saturday January 30, 2016 we had to move my aunt into a long term treatment facility after another attempt on her life. I don't know what will come from this, but I know God waste nothing, as bad and sad as this seems now, I trust God to use even this for His glory. Be blessed brothers and sisters in the name of Yeshua.
Deuteronomy 31:6
Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.”
Psalm 71:14
But I will hope continually and will praise you yet more and more.
Romans 5:2-5
Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.
Romans 12:12
Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.
Back in November of 2014 my aunt started to show signs that she was again deeply depressed. This has been an off and on thing with her for many years, sometimes we have been able to pull her out of before it got bad, this time we weren't. We tried our best to convince her to go see a doctor, to get help for the way she felt, but she's stubborn and wouldn't listen to reason. So with our hands tied my mom and I started taking turns checking on my aunt because the last time it got bad like this, she attempted suicide. Everyday after we got off work one of us would drive a half hour to spend time with her, make sure she ate, clean up a little around her place, and I would share the Word with her.
In February 2015, during one of my visits my aunt said the prayer of salvation for the first time, I was ecstatic, but I knew the battle wasn't over, I had said the same prayer twice inviting God into my heart before I truly surrendered my heart and life to Him. The enemy had tried many things between saying that prayer and actual surrender to deceive and try to keep me from truly coming to the Lord, I doubted it would be any different for her. A week later to the day I got in my car after work and didn't feel like going to my aunt's house. I had had a long day at work and thought I might skip a night and just call her instead, as I had done on some nights where the roads were too bad to drive. But as I drove home I felt a need to go, whether I wanted to or not.
When I got there the door was unlocked and my aunt was in the bathroom. After waiting a few minutes and not having her come out, I called down the hall to her. She didn't reply but I heard a lot of noises from the bathroom and a few minutes later she came out. I noticed she had something heavy under her sweatshirt around her neck but didn't think too much about it because she had been complaining a lot around that time of being cold. I started sharing the Word with her and telling her how Jesus could heal the pain in her heart if she started to form a relationship with Him and gave Him her pain. Part way through she stopped me and said 'it's too late for that Jenn.' I asked what she meant but she didn't answer me, then after a pause, she went to the bathroom again, this time I went back there too. As I opened the door and walked into the bathroom I saw why my aunt had said it was too late. She had slit her throat and had been hiding it from me under her sweatshirt with a band aid an ace bandage and a scarf. I was horrified to say the least.
Immediately I went into action mode praying silently for strength and clarity as I took the necessary steps. I knew practically that it would take longer for an ambulance to reach us and get her to the hospital than if I just took her myself because of how far out in the country my aunt lived, so I forced my aunt to get ready and get in my car, while I called my parent's and had my mom meet me at the hospital. I argued most of the way there with my aunt as she begged me not to take her, to just let her go home. At one point I became extremely agitated at her pleas to return to the house and rebuked her in the name of Jesus. She didn't speak again for a full 15 minutes and then it was only to say that she was afraid she wouldn't see anyone again. I reassured her that I would come to the hospital everyday that I could, that I wouldn't leave her there alone.
I stayed strong that night at the hospital for my mom, grandmother, and aunt, attending to them whenever they needed something, praying in every free minute, and calling a couple friends to pray too. Eventually they got her stitched up and moved her to the mental health ward, they told us then that the cut was much deeper than we had initially thought and she could have died had I not made her come in. I thanked God that I had gone despite not wanting to, I really don't know how I could have handled the guilt had I not.
When I went home, Nick held me as I wept into chest. The events of the night, the sight of the bloody knife and my aunt's neck played over and over in my mind like a terrible unending nightmare. I felt like I couldn't escape the images. I eventually tried to sleep, but it was restless, still the images haunted me. The next morning I began praying for God to fade the images, to take away my torment and make it a distant dream, within a couple days that's exactly what happened.
My aunt was hospitalized from February until September, and I kept my word to her until July when I could no longer handle the verbal abuse spewed at me at each of my visits. I didn't speak to her for several months after that, until probably shortly after she got out, I needed time to heal and forgive her before I could again talk to her. I had been very hurt by some of the things she said to me, and the false accusations she made about my parents. I realize that she said all those things from a place of hurt, frustration, and anger, but there was only so much of it I could take before having to step back. Now I am happy report, my aunt and I are talking and we hope to start Bible study again after I finish moving and get settled at my new place. She is doing quite well now that she has adjusted to her medication and is taking care of my grandmother giving her life some purpose and direction.
I'm still not sure why I shared all this today, but I hope if you took the time to read you come away with a couple of things. First, that God speaks to our heart in those tiny urges that tell us we need to do something, even if it seems strange or we really don't want to we need to listen to these urges. Second, God can remove or distance painful thoughts from our mind if we give them to Him and third, there is hope in situations that seem trying, endless, and stressful when you trust Him. If you lean into God, it becomes possible to overcome tough situations and even find reasons to rejoice despite the circumstances. Be blessed my friends...
Update, I'm heartbroken to report that as of Saturday January 30, 2016 we had to move my aunt into a long term treatment facility after another attempt on her life. I don't know what will come from this, but I know God waste nothing, as bad and sad as this seems now, I trust God to use even this for His glory. Be blessed brothers and sisters in the name of Yeshua.
Deuteronomy 31:6
Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.”
Psalm 71:14
But I will hope continually and will praise you yet more and more.
Romans 5:2-5
Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.
Romans 12:12
Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.
Monday, October 19, 2015
Just Be Held
For the first time in a while, I feel refreshed and motivated. It has been a long busy year and if I am honest most weeks I have met with a feeling of exhaustion before I ever got to work on Monday. Just the sense of everything I needed to accomplish during the week hung over my head and made me drag my feet, but I feel excited to start the week today. There isn't less to do this week than any other, in fact there's probably more. There wasn't some family party or special event over the weekend that helped to lift my spirits and make me feel more relaxed. There wasn't an inspirational sermon that helped me to refocus and feel excited again. But something did happen that has totally lifted the burden of the week from me and helped me to feel refreshed and ready to handle anything life has for me today.
Since about the middle of last week, and even off and on before that, I have been seeing verses that either say to wait on the Lord, or be still and know He is God. I even woke up several mornings with a line from a song in my head that said "just be held." I didn't understand why I kept seeing this message so much except that God was trying to get my attention but I wasn't sure what this was pertaining too. I thought I was resting in Him, I prayed every morning for His help, guidance, and that He would help me to stay on track throughout the day. It happened too much to ignore though, and so finally I started to pay attention.
This morning I as I prepared for work I talked to God as usual and during prayer began to worry that I had missed an appointment last week, then I got upset at myself for being so thoughtless. As I racked my brains trying to remember for certain if we had rescheduled or not I started to feel a little nudge to let go, a reminder that I was once again working myself up over something that could be easily discovered or fixed if need be. It was after this that I finally I got it, finally I understood. I was tired and grumpy not because of what I had going on, but because I was trying to do it in my own strength. I realized as I worked through the stress this morning and the root cause of it became clear that I wasn't working with God towards these goals, I was rushing myself to get to the finish line, I was pushing myself as hard as I could and not letting go of the situation. I realized I had once again fallen into the trap of hyper focusing on the situations and what I could do, instead of being held in His comfort. Sure, I was talking to God about what was going on, but I wasn't giving it to Him, pretty much I was just dictating my schedule to God.
I'm not saying it isn't good to go over your plans with God, scripture tells us that man plans his way but it is God who establishes his steps (Proverbs 16:9). So I think this is a really good practice to get into because God will lead you in which way to go when you go to Him with your plans. The problem arises when you start doing what I did, where you aren't seeking Him to lead, guide and establish your way and plans, but are pretty much just telling God "ok I gotta get this done then, then this at such and such a time." God is not our personal assistant, He is God, He is our Creator, and to be blunt, He could wipe any of us from existence if He so chose. So my point today is, just be held. Don't get carried away in the hustle and bustle like I did, don't start treating God like a day planner, go to Him with your plans and ask Him to lead you in His will. Be blessed.
Exodus 33:14
And he said, “My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.”
Proverbs 16:3
Commit your work to the Lord, and your plans will be established.
Proverbs 19:21
Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand.
Jeremiah 31:25
For I will satisfy the weary soul, and every languishing soul I will replenish.”
Since about the middle of last week, and even off and on before that, I have been seeing verses that either say to wait on the Lord, or be still and know He is God. I even woke up several mornings with a line from a song in my head that said "just be held." I didn't understand why I kept seeing this message so much except that God was trying to get my attention but I wasn't sure what this was pertaining too. I thought I was resting in Him, I prayed every morning for His help, guidance, and that He would help me to stay on track throughout the day. It happened too much to ignore though, and so finally I started to pay attention.
This morning I as I prepared for work I talked to God as usual and during prayer began to worry that I had missed an appointment last week, then I got upset at myself for being so thoughtless. As I racked my brains trying to remember for certain if we had rescheduled or not I started to feel a little nudge to let go, a reminder that I was once again working myself up over something that could be easily discovered or fixed if need be. It was after this that I finally I got it, finally I understood. I was tired and grumpy not because of what I had going on, but because I was trying to do it in my own strength. I realized as I worked through the stress this morning and the root cause of it became clear that I wasn't working with God towards these goals, I was rushing myself to get to the finish line, I was pushing myself as hard as I could and not letting go of the situation. I realized I had once again fallen into the trap of hyper focusing on the situations and what I could do, instead of being held in His comfort. Sure, I was talking to God about what was going on, but I wasn't giving it to Him, pretty much I was just dictating my schedule to God.
I'm not saying it isn't good to go over your plans with God, scripture tells us that man plans his way but it is God who establishes his steps (Proverbs 16:9). So I think this is a really good practice to get into because God will lead you in which way to go when you go to Him with your plans. The problem arises when you start doing what I did, where you aren't seeking Him to lead, guide and establish your way and plans, but are pretty much just telling God "ok I gotta get this done then, then this at such and such a time." God is not our personal assistant, He is God, He is our Creator, and to be blunt, He could wipe any of us from existence if He so chose. So my point today is, just be held. Don't get carried away in the hustle and bustle like I did, don't start treating God like a day planner, go to Him with your plans and ask Him to lead you in His will. Be blessed.
Exodus 33:14
And he said, “My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.”
Proverbs 16:3
Commit your work to the Lord, and your plans will be established.
Proverbs 19:21
Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand.
Jeremiah 31:25
For I will satisfy the weary soul, and every languishing soul I will replenish.”
Wednesday, October 14, 2015
Thank You
There was a time in my life where I thought I had to go through all my struggles alone. That I couldn't depend on anyone and that no one was on my side except sometimes God. I didn't ask for prayer then, I thought everyone, including God at times, had bigger, better, or more important things to deal with than what was going on in my life. But in this past year I have learned how much we need each other in God's kingdom. I have learned that God places people in our life for lessons, comfort, teaching, prayer and even sometimes rebuke. Right now I could not be more grateful for the people in my life who pray with and for me. You will never know how much it touches me, how much it means to this person who used to call herself a loner, that you care.
A little over a year ago, asking for prayer was a scary thing for me, whether it was for myself or someone else, usually I would end up keeping it to myself and praying alone. Now a year later I know and accept that I need to ask others for their support, not just because the Bible says when we have others pray in agreement it will be done(Matthew 18:19), but because when I put up a request or share one I have realized that the body is there to support and encourage also. Sometimes it's just by saying you're praying, and other times it's sharing a comforting word from scripture, or a word that you feel God is placing on your heart, this all helps.
Today isn't a long post, or even really a devotional post as I usually write, today I simply wanted to take the time to say thank you. Thank you to all the people who follow these post, to everyone who is praying, and most importantly thank you to the Father for the beautiful way He has knit us together as a family loving Him and each other as we are working towards the same goal, spreading the gospel of Yeshua. Again, thank you my family. Be blessed today and always for the glory of our Savior!
Psalm 100:2
Serve the Lord with gladness! Come into his presence with singing!
Psalm 107:1
Oh give thanks to the Lord, for he is good, for his steadfast love endures forever!
Ephesians 1:16
I do not cease to give thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers
Hebrew 12:28-29
28 Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us be thankful, and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe, 29 for our “God is a consuming fire.”
A little over a year ago, asking for prayer was a scary thing for me, whether it was for myself or someone else, usually I would end up keeping it to myself and praying alone. Now a year later I know and accept that I need to ask others for their support, not just because the Bible says when we have others pray in agreement it will be done(Matthew 18:19), but because when I put up a request or share one I have realized that the body is there to support and encourage also. Sometimes it's just by saying you're praying, and other times it's sharing a comforting word from scripture, or a word that you feel God is placing on your heart, this all helps.
Today isn't a long post, or even really a devotional post as I usually write, today I simply wanted to take the time to say thank you. Thank you to all the people who follow these post, to everyone who is praying, and most importantly thank you to the Father for the beautiful way He has knit us together as a family loving Him and each other as we are working towards the same goal, spreading the gospel of Yeshua. Again, thank you my family. Be blessed today and always for the glory of our Savior!
Psalm 100:2
Serve the Lord with gladness! Come into his presence with singing!
Psalm 107:1
Oh give thanks to the Lord, for he is good, for his steadfast love endures forever!
Ephesians 1:16
I do not cease to give thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers
Hebrew 12:28-29
28 Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us be thankful, and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe, 29 for our “God is a consuming fire.”
Monday, October 12, 2015
Be Joyful in Obedience, Not Acceptance
Sometimes doing the right thing is hard. Sometimes God asks us to do things that make us want to run and hide like Jonah, but we know from his story how that doesn't really work out. That's how I feel this morning. I feel Jonah being asked to go to Nineveh, I know what I have to do it, I know it's the right thing to do, but I'm sick with fear over having to do it. I'm afraid because I know what I have to say won't be received well, but I also know that can't let that stop me. I know I must do what the Lord has asked and I must be obedient regardless of my fears. I know that I must just rest in Him and trust Him to be my strength, I must settle myself into the peace I have in my heart over this and stay there disregarding the fear. Still though, part of me (the flesh part) wants to run and hide.
This shouldn't really surprise me though, it seems like fear always comes whenever God asks us to do something outside our comfort zone, something that may be be hard for us. This is probably a big reason why God reminds us so often not to be afraid, but to rest in Him instead. Why He tells us thru the Word, that He is our strength. When we know these things, believe these things, and rest in the comfort of knowing God works all things out for the good of those who love Him, we can overcome the fear to do what we were asked.
That is where I had to get to before I could act, I had to accept the reassurance and truth I found in the words I shared above and in the scriptures they came from. I am picking this back up, after I have accomplished the task I so dreaded, and I can say happily that the reassurance worked making me bold to say what I had too. Confrontation is hard for me, it is honestly something I avoid, but unfortunately I knew in this case there was no way to avoid it. No matter how tactful, kind or loving I would try to be with my words, I knew the person I had to talk too wouldn't take them that way and they didn't. Unlike the people of Nineveh who accepted the word's of Jonah, mine were rejected, but I'm not upset, because I know I have done what I should and I am experiencing God's blessings over my life in that I have peace, joy, and love in abundance, despite their harsh words and reaction.
I decided to write this today for a couple reasons, first I was upset and needed to reassure myself to do what I needed too. Second to encourage anyone else who is struggling with something that they feel God has asked them to do outside their comfort zone. And the third reason came to me after my conversation that didn't go well, because often people get it in their heads that obedience means its all going to go well but that isn't always true and for those who are very spiritually young this can be disheartening. Sometimes when you obey you won't be met with the acceptance that Jonah's words to Nineveh produced, instead you'll be met with scorn and accusations. Then when this happens you have to dig digger into the spirit to keep from reacting in the flesh. You must continue to walk and talk in truth and love, shake the dust off your feet and move on, trusting that God has the whole situation in His very capable hands. The Bible tells us that not everyone will accept what we have to say, we know this, and we can't let bad reactions stop us from doing what we should, we must stay God focused, kingdom focused, and fight the good fight until we finally hear, "well done good and faithful servant." Be blessed brothers and sisters, trust in Yeshua!
Psalm 119:30
I have chosen the way of faithfulness; I set your rules before me
Jeremiah 7:23
But this command I gave them: ‘Obey my voice, and I will be your God, and you shall be my people. And walk in all the way that I command you, that it may be well with you.’
Matthew 10:14
And if anyone will not receive you or listen to your words, shake off the dust from your feet when you leave that house or town.
Luke 10:16
“The one who hears you hears me, and the one who rejects you rejects me, and the one who rejects me rejects him who sent me
Acts 5:29
But Peter and the apostles answered, “We must obey God rather than men.
1 Corinthians 2:14
The natural person does not accept the things of the Spirit of God, for they are folly to him, and he is not able to understand them because they are spiritually discerned
This shouldn't really surprise me though, it seems like fear always comes whenever God asks us to do something outside our comfort zone, something that may be be hard for us. This is probably a big reason why God reminds us so often not to be afraid, but to rest in Him instead. Why He tells us thru the Word, that He is our strength. When we know these things, believe these things, and rest in the comfort of knowing God works all things out for the good of those who love Him, we can overcome the fear to do what we were asked.
That is where I had to get to before I could act, I had to accept the reassurance and truth I found in the words I shared above and in the scriptures they came from. I am picking this back up, after I have accomplished the task I so dreaded, and I can say happily that the reassurance worked making me bold to say what I had too. Confrontation is hard for me, it is honestly something I avoid, but unfortunately I knew in this case there was no way to avoid it. No matter how tactful, kind or loving I would try to be with my words, I knew the person I had to talk too wouldn't take them that way and they didn't. Unlike the people of Nineveh who accepted the word's of Jonah, mine were rejected, but I'm not upset, because I know I have done what I should and I am experiencing God's blessings over my life in that I have peace, joy, and love in abundance, despite their harsh words and reaction.
I decided to write this today for a couple reasons, first I was upset and needed to reassure myself to do what I needed too. Second to encourage anyone else who is struggling with something that they feel God has asked them to do outside their comfort zone. And the third reason came to me after my conversation that didn't go well, because often people get it in their heads that obedience means its all going to go well but that isn't always true and for those who are very spiritually young this can be disheartening. Sometimes when you obey you won't be met with the acceptance that Jonah's words to Nineveh produced, instead you'll be met with scorn and accusations. Then when this happens you have to dig digger into the spirit to keep from reacting in the flesh. You must continue to walk and talk in truth and love, shake the dust off your feet and move on, trusting that God has the whole situation in His very capable hands. The Bible tells us that not everyone will accept what we have to say, we know this, and we can't let bad reactions stop us from doing what we should, we must stay God focused, kingdom focused, and fight the good fight until we finally hear, "well done good and faithful servant." Be blessed brothers and sisters, trust in Yeshua!
Psalm 119:30
I have chosen the way of faithfulness; I set your rules before me
Jeremiah 7:23
But this command I gave them: ‘Obey my voice, and I will be your God, and you shall be my people. And walk in all the way that I command you, that it may be well with you.’
Matthew 10:14
And if anyone will not receive you or listen to your words, shake off the dust from your feet when you leave that house or town.
Luke 10:16
“The one who hears you hears me, and the one who rejects you rejects me, and the one who rejects me rejects him who sent me
Acts 5:29
But Peter and the apostles answered, “We must obey God rather than men.
1 Corinthians 2:14
The natural person does not accept the things of the Spirit of God, for they are folly to him, and he is not able to understand them because they are spiritually discerned
Friday, October 9, 2015
Temptation in a White T-shirt
I admitted to you in the past that I had an addiction to erotic books, and while I will admit that I had lust filled fantasies of these made up, perfect, charming men, real boys didn't tempt me. I had crushes as all girls do, but there was no one that I fantasied about, no one that I lusted over or tempted me sexually. I had offers and opportunity but nothing that I struggled with, it was easy to say no and I had two very great excuses to give. But eventually I would struggle in this area, and the temptation was one that I was uncertain if I could withstand.
When I was twelve or thirteen years old, myself and a group of about four other girls made a pack to save ourselves, to save our virginity, for our husbands. Even before we made this pack, it had been in my heart to do so, and they said the same. At that time it wasn't a decision that had anything to do with faith, or even wanting to please my parent's. If I am honest with myself and you, I chose that course at that age because sex scared me. I had already been sexually abused, and it had been going on for years at that time, touch was uncomfortable for me, so not having sex until I was married seemed like a safe and good idea. This was my first excuse, whenever anyone had anything to say about sex, I was saving myself for marriage because I had made a pack with my friends.
My second excuse, if someone pressed was when I would claim it was a religious thing, that I
didn't think God would approve. While I do actually believe that, then and now, it wasn't really why, as I mentioned above, I was afraid of actually having sex because of what I had experienced. At this time though I had told no one about the abuse, so God became my second excuse not wanting to tell anyone the truth of my circumstances. Which now, I feel really crummy writing because God should never be second or an excuse, and God's love should have been reason enough.
It went on like that for me for a long while, I read my erotic novels, fantasied about fake men, and someday a husband that I wouldn't be afraid to have touch me, while I pushed away boyfriends and guys who couldn't respect my boundaries. Then at 18 I started my first long-term relationship, which lasted almost two years. It was during this time that I would have my first real struggle with the temptation of wanting to have sex, but it wasn't with my boyfriend.
When I first met my boyfriend at that time we both said we were waiting for marriage, but after about 6 months he started to cheat on me, and I stupidly stayed with him. I thought I was going to marry him, and that he was just "sowing wild oats" while we were young, before we settled down, so I allowed it and took the pain stuffing it inside each time he spoke to me about the "others." This is when temptation walked into the workplace we shared. Our new co-worker was handsome, funny, from a similar background and economic status as me, and fun to be around. We started hanging out, mostly at work but occasionally he would join us after for the mid-night breakfast buffet at another local restaurant, or the parties we had at our assistant manager's house.
As we worked together more and spent more time together feelings and desires started to emerge. For the first time in my life I started to wonder what having sex with this person might be like, and once that thought started it didn't stop. To make matters worse it soon became apparent that he had the same feelings, and thoughts. Often I would find him following me into the store room or other dark private places at work, even when my boyfriend was there, and then he would say things about wanting to be physical, or try to caress or kiss me. Once he came up behind me and put his arms around me, I thought it was my boyfriend and turned around to steal a quick kiss at work, but it was him. It made me uncomfortable because I was loyal, even if my boyfriend wasn't. Besides that he was a bit of a player and often had girlfriends when he made these advances, but still I never asked him to stop because I didn't want him to, I liked the attention I was getting from him, and part of me hoped if he kept pressing I might give in.
Eventually the guy I was seeing then broke up with me, and almost immediately this guy made a move. I wanted so badly to say yes, but I knew he was trouble. He was a temptation that if I were to be in a relationship with I could not say no too, I knew I would give in, and knew that as much as I liked him, he wasn't the one for me. By this time I had started the slow process of coming to God, and at this point did really mean it when I said I was waiting on the right man because it was what God wanted. With that in mind and the freedom to choose, I knew I couldn't date him. Thankfully,God didn't leave me in limbo between relationships for long, which is probably good because he wasn't taking no for an answer until I started dating someone else, who eventually became my husband, and now I am so happy I waited!!
I shared all this because giving into temptation is a choice, the devil didn't make you do it. He may send some cronies to try and influence you to give in, he may do that through your friends, because the Lord knows I had friends encouraging me to cheat, encouraging me to date him, and encouraging me to break my promise because all the other girls had whether it was with this temptation, or just anyone else. But ultimately, in my heart I knew right from wrong and I was deeply convicted that I hold to the vows I made, whether the other girls had honored them or not. And when I met my husband it became abundantly clear why.
In my spouse I have a man who chose also to stay sexually pure, and because of that I never have to wonder if he's comparing me to an old girlfriend, or if he has any diseases that he may be unaware of or lying to me about. With Him I have a partner for life, not just at the moment, and because we were each other's first we have special bond that I don't know if I can ever fully understand or describe beyond the fact that it's just something beautiful that keeps me desiring him. I believe this was my reward, my blessing for staying pure despite the obstacles. I hope today this encouraged you to chose to stand against temptation, whether it be sexual or otherwise, because when we do God does reward His children for their faithfulness. Be blessed.
1 Corinthians 6:18-20
18 Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body. 19 Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; 20 you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.
1 Corinthians 10:13
No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.
Hebrews 2:17-18
17 For this reason he had to be made like them, fully human in every way, in order that he might become a merciful and faithful high priest in service to God, and that he might make atonement for the sins of the people. 18 Because he himself suffered when he was tempted, he is able to help those who are being tempted
James 1:13-15
13 When tempted, no one should say, “God is tempting me.” For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; 14 but each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed. 15 Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death
When I was twelve or thirteen years old, myself and a group of about four other girls made a pack to save ourselves, to save our virginity, for our husbands. Even before we made this pack, it had been in my heart to do so, and they said the same. At that time it wasn't a decision that had anything to do with faith, or even wanting to please my parent's. If I am honest with myself and you, I chose that course at that age because sex scared me. I had already been sexually abused, and it had been going on for years at that time, touch was uncomfortable for me, so not having sex until I was married seemed like a safe and good idea. This was my first excuse, whenever anyone had anything to say about sex, I was saving myself for marriage because I had made a pack with my friends.
My second excuse, if someone pressed was when I would claim it was a religious thing, that I
didn't think God would approve. While I do actually believe that, then and now, it wasn't really why, as I mentioned above, I was afraid of actually having sex because of what I had experienced. At this time though I had told no one about the abuse, so God became my second excuse not wanting to tell anyone the truth of my circumstances. Which now, I feel really crummy writing because God should never be second or an excuse, and God's love should have been reason enough.
It went on like that for me for a long while, I read my erotic novels, fantasied about fake men, and someday a husband that I wouldn't be afraid to have touch me, while I pushed away boyfriends and guys who couldn't respect my boundaries. Then at 18 I started my first long-term relationship, which lasted almost two years. It was during this time that I would have my first real struggle with the temptation of wanting to have sex, but it wasn't with my boyfriend.
When I first met my boyfriend at that time we both said we were waiting for marriage, but after about 6 months he started to cheat on me, and I stupidly stayed with him. I thought I was going to marry him, and that he was just "sowing wild oats" while we were young, before we settled down, so I allowed it and took the pain stuffing it inside each time he spoke to me about the "others." This is when temptation walked into the workplace we shared. Our new co-worker was handsome, funny, from a similar background and economic status as me, and fun to be around. We started hanging out, mostly at work but occasionally he would join us after for the mid-night breakfast buffet at another local restaurant, or the parties we had at our assistant manager's house.
As we worked together more and spent more time together feelings and desires started to emerge. For the first time in my life I started to wonder what having sex with this person might be like, and once that thought started it didn't stop. To make matters worse it soon became apparent that he had the same feelings, and thoughts. Often I would find him following me into the store room or other dark private places at work, even when my boyfriend was there, and then he would say things about wanting to be physical, or try to caress or kiss me. Once he came up behind me and put his arms around me, I thought it was my boyfriend and turned around to steal a quick kiss at work, but it was him. It made me uncomfortable because I was loyal, even if my boyfriend wasn't. Besides that he was a bit of a player and often had girlfriends when he made these advances, but still I never asked him to stop because I didn't want him to, I liked the attention I was getting from him, and part of me hoped if he kept pressing I might give in.
Eventually the guy I was seeing then broke up with me, and almost immediately this guy made a move. I wanted so badly to say yes, but I knew he was trouble. He was a temptation that if I were to be in a relationship with I could not say no too, I knew I would give in, and knew that as much as I liked him, he wasn't the one for me. By this time I had started the slow process of coming to God, and at this point did really mean it when I said I was waiting on the right man because it was what God wanted. With that in mind and the freedom to choose, I knew I couldn't date him. Thankfully,God didn't leave me in limbo between relationships for long, which is probably good because he wasn't taking no for an answer until I started dating someone else, who eventually became my husband, and now I am so happy I waited!!
I shared all this because giving into temptation is a choice, the devil didn't make you do it. He may send some cronies to try and influence you to give in, he may do that through your friends, because the Lord knows I had friends encouraging me to cheat, encouraging me to date him, and encouraging me to break my promise because all the other girls had whether it was with this temptation, or just anyone else. But ultimately, in my heart I knew right from wrong and I was deeply convicted that I hold to the vows I made, whether the other girls had honored them or not. And when I met my husband it became abundantly clear why.
In my spouse I have a man who chose also to stay sexually pure, and because of that I never have to wonder if he's comparing me to an old girlfriend, or if he has any diseases that he may be unaware of or lying to me about. With Him I have a partner for life, not just at the moment, and because we were each other's first we have special bond that I don't know if I can ever fully understand or describe beyond the fact that it's just something beautiful that keeps me desiring him. I believe this was my reward, my blessing for staying pure despite the obstacles. I hope today this encouraged you to chose to stand against temptation, whether it be sexual or otherwise, because when we do God does reward His children for their faithfulness. Be blessed.
1 Corinthians 6:18-20
18 Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body. 19 Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; 20 you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.
1 Corinthians 10:13
No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.
Hebrews 2:17-18
17 For this reason he had to be made like them, fully human in every way, in order that he might become a merciful and faithful high priest in service to God, and that he might make atonement for the sins of the people. 18 Because he himself suffered when he was tempted, he is able to help those who are being tempted
James 1:13-15
13 When tempted, no one should say, “God is tempting me.” For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; 14 but each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed. 15 Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death
Thursday, October 8, 2015
Overcoming Hurt, Past and Present
Sometimes it's hard to let go of hurt, especially when the person who hurt you isn't sorry. This is something that I have been dealing with. For weeks now I have been replaying some hurtful words said to me by someone I considered my friend. I'm not angry at this person for what they said to me, I understand they were hurt and angry too, I don't have any ill will or anything else against them. In fact despite them saying some hurtful things to me, I'm still praying for them. I wish them all the best, and am genuinely sorry that sharing my concerns over something upset them as much as it did. I understand and forgive their words, but still I am carrying around the burden of hurt and I can't seem to totally let it go yet. This is something I'm praying about, it's something I want to let go of, because I know it isn't good to hold onto or carry around pain.
As I typed the top paragraph to this I was reminded this isn't the only time I have had this same accusation thrown at me by someone who was a friend. Many years ago my roommate also accused me of being unloving and selfish towards her. It broke me nearly in two. I didn't know how she could say that to me. I did all that I could to help her, to show her I cared, and anytime I would decide to go out with other friends or see my boyfriend instead of coming straight home from work to hang out with her, again she would call me selfish and unloving. Looking back I realize that she was using those words to purposely hurt and manipulate me, and that I never dealt with this hurt in the first place, instead I buried it and usually gave in to what she wanted. As I continue to write this, I am seeing that it isn't necessarily who said it, or even the circumstances that it was said in, it's the words themselves.
These women weren't the first to say it to me, this was something I heard a lot growing up too and I think really it's the original source of the hurt I am carrying. No matter what I tried to do, I was wrong, I was selfish, and it was never enough. Each time I am accused of this again it cuts a little deeper, I am flood again by feelings of hurt and inadequacy, again I become that little girl inside hurting and not knowing what I can do to make it better. But right now, at 27, I am no longer that little girl. I no longer have to wonder what to do, I know what I have to do, I have to ask Jesus to take this pain and heal me from it. I have to ask Him to help me to forgive the person who first made me feel low with those words, and finally let go of this once and for all.
Even if no one else does, I know I try to love everyone, I try to be fair and just to all. I know that it is in my heart to be good to people, and that I really do have love and compassion in my heart. I know I am not always good at showing it, that sometimes I can truly be selfish, and I pray the Lord helps me to overcome this. But I also know that in these circumstances the words were untrue, my heart was really to be good and loving to these people and it hurts that they could not see it. But I'm not going to let it hurt me anymore. I know the truth and so does God, and as of right now I'm releasing this to Him. I am done beating myself up over past hurts and circumstances, today I am free in Jesus! Be blessed my friends!
Matthew 11:28-30
28 "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
Colossians 3:13
Bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.
Hebrews 12:15
See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many
Philippians 4:6-7
6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
As I typed the top paragraph to this I was reminded this isn't the only time I have had this same accusation thrown at me by someone who was a friend. Many years ago my roommate also accused me of being unloving and selfish towards her. It broke me nearly in two. I didn't know how she could say that to me. I did all that I could to help her, to show her I cared, and anytime I would decide to go out with other friends or see my boyfriend instead of coming straight home from work to hang out with her, again she would call me selfish and unloving. Looking back I realize that she was using those words to purposely hurt and manipulate me, and that I never dealt with this hurt in the first place, instead I buried it and usually gave in to what she wanted. As I continue to write this, I am seeing that it isn't necessarily who said it, or even the circumstances that it was said in, it's the words themselves.
These women weren't the first to say it to me, this was something I heard a lot growing up too and I think really it's the original source of the hurt I am carrying. No matter what I tried to do, I was wrong, I was selfish, and it was never enough. Each time I am accused of this again it cuts a little deeper, I am flood again by feelings of hurt and inadequacy, again I become that little girl inside hurting and not knowing what I can do to make it better. But right now, at 27, I am no longer that little girl. I no longer have to wonder what to do, I know what I have to do, I have to ask Jesus to take this pain and heal me from it. I have to ask Him to help me to forgive the person who first made me feel low with those words, and finally let go of this once and for all.
Even if no one else does, I know I try to love everyone, I try to be fair and just to all. I know that it is in my heart to be good to people, and that I really do have love and compassion in my heart. I know I am not always good at showing it, that sometimes I can truly be selfish, and I pray the Lord helps me to overcome this. But I also know that in these circumstances the words were untrue, my heart was really to be good and loving to these people and it hurts that they could not see it. But I'm not going to let it hurt me anymore. I know the truth and so does God, and as of right now I'm releasing this to Him. I am done beating myself up over past hurts and circumstances, today I am free in Jesus! Be blessed my friends!
Matthew 11:28-30
28 "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
Colossians 3:13
Bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.
Hebrews 12:15
See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many
Philippians 4:6-7
6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Wednesday, October 7, 2015
Mary had a Little Lamb
Five days a week, for 6 hours of my 9 hour shift I have a two and a half foot tall shadow that follows me around and freaks out every time he can't see me. This is both a very sweet sign of affection; because I know he loves me and wants to be around me, and it is also at times very frustrating and annoying. I don't say this to be mean, but rather to be honest. I know that any stay at home mom/dad, or babysitter can relate. It's great to know that the child loves and needs you, its great that they care about you this much and that they need to see you to feel safe because you are their protector and caretaker. But it's also extremely challenging when they need you so much that you can't walk away from them without them crying, you can't leave the room or go to the bathroom without them having a total melt down, I admit I handle this some days better than others.
Sometimes I find myself begging him from the bathroom, "please calm down, please stop crying, Jenn will be right back, baby. I still love you, I didn't leave." Other days I ignore his tears and pray, knowing that nothing I say will comfort or calm him until he can once again see me. Other days, I don't say a word to him, and I don't pray about it either. I just do what I have to and get back to him as soon as I can. This morning was honestly one of the days where I am easily frustrated by this because for the last few days I have been unwell, but something happened today that quickly shifted my frustration into laughter and turned my whole attitude around.
Before coming out of the bathroom this morning while I listened to him stand outside the door and cry for me the whole time I was in there, I questioned if I was in the right state of mind to be at work. I was frustrated, tired, and a bit overwhelmed by his need for me. I knew as soon as I came out he'd be all over me, and once again glued to my side, which wasn't bad until I had to make them something to eat or use the facilities again, which would again send him into tears. This knowledge left me dreading the day, and anytime that I may have to step away even for a minute. Silently I made a plea to God, 'Lord help me through this I can't take it on my own.'
God's answer was swift. I walked out to be greeted by my teary eyed little gent who immediately threw his tiny arms around my legs and gave me a big dimpled grin. From his reaction you would have thought I left for a month, not two minutes. I sighed and smiled back down at him, then I began to laugh. I suddenly had remembered the nursery rhyme "Mary had a Little Lamb" and the comparison between us and that rhyme made me giggle. He was my little lamb who followed me where ever I went! This thought was then quickly followed by another, I am Yeshua's lamb, and He is my shepherd, and I follow Him wherever He leads me.
At that thought I sat down and pulled my dear little lamb onto my lap, I had realized I am no different than this child. I feel safe and secure when I am in God's presence, when I can feel the Holy Spirit leading me, but there are times when for one reason or another I don't feel Him and I will sometimes stand outside the door crying for Him. Just like with my dear little one, this crying doesn't change anything, it just makes things more difficult. When I stand outside the door crying all I really accomplish is wearing myself out, and sometimes drowning out the message God is actually trying to teach me. This realization changed my attitude and approach today. I still don't know what to do about his crying, but I've decided that I'm not going to let it frustrate me anymore, seeing myself in him I suddenly have a lot more compassion and understanding for him. But more importantly, I've also decided that maybe instead of crying outside the door so much, I need to sit, wait patiently, and listen. Be blessed brothers and sisters!
Psalm 23:1-4
Psalm 46:10
“Be still, and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!”
John 10:14-16
14 “I am the good shepherd; I know my sheep and my sheep know me— 15 just as the Father knows me and I know the Father—and I lay down my life for the sheep. 16 I have other sheep that are not of this sheep pen. I must bring them also. They too will listen to my voice, and there shall be one flock and one shepherd.
James 5:7-8
7 Be patient, therefore, brothers, until the coming of the Lord. See how the farmer waits for the precious fruit of the earth, being patient about it, until it receives the early and the late rains. 8 You also, be patient. Establish your hearts, for the coming of the Lord is at hand.
Sometimes I find myself begging him from the bathroom, "please calm down, please stop crying, Jenn will be right back, baby. I still love you, I didn't leave." Other days I ignore his tears and pray, knowing that nothing I say will comfort or calm him until he can once again see me. Other days, I don't say a word to him, and I don't pray about it either. I just do what I have to and get back to him as soon as I can. This morning was honestly one of the days where I am easily frustrated by this because for the last few days I have been unwell, but something happened today that quickly shifted my frustration into laughter and turned my whole attitude around.
Before coming out of the bathroom this morning while I listened to him stand outside the door and cry for me the whole time I was in there, I questioned if I was in the right state of mind to be at work. I was frustrated, tired, and a bit overwhelmed by his need for me. I knew as soon as I came out he'd be all over me, and once again glued to my side, which wasn't bad until I had to make them something to eat or use the facilities again, which would again send him into tears. This knowledge left me dreading the day, and anytime that I may have to step away even for a minute. Silently I made a plea to God, 'Lord help me through this I can't take it on my own.'
God's answer was swift. I walked out to be greeted by my teary eyed little gent who immediately threw his tiny arms around my legs and gave me a big dimpled grin. From his reaction you would have thought I left for a month, not two minutes. I sighed and smiled back down at him, then I began to laugh. I suddenly had remembered the nursery rhyme "Mary had a Little Lamb" and the comparison between us and that rhyme made me giggle. He was my little lamb who followed me where ever I went! This thought was then quickly followed by another, I am Yeshua's lamb, and He is my shepherd, and I follow Him wherever He leads me.
At that thought I sat down and pulled my dear little lamb onto my lap, I had realized I am no different than this child. I feel safe and secure when I am in God's presence, when I can feel the Holy Spirit leading me, but there are times when for one reason or another I don't feel Him and I will sometimes stand outside the door crying for Him. Just like with my dear little one, this crying doesn't change anything, it just makes things more difficult. When I stand outside the door crying all I really accomplish is wearing myself out, and sometimes drowning out the message God is actually trying to teach me. This realization changed my attitude and approach today. I still don't know what to do about his crying, but I've decided that I'm not going to let it frustrate me anymore, seeing myself in him I suddenly have a lot more compassion and understanding for him. But more importantly, I've also decided that maybe instead of crying outside the door so much, I need to sit, wait patiently, and listen. Be blessed brothers and sisters!
Psalm 23:1-4
1 The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing. 2 He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, 3 he refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake. 4 Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me
Psalm 46:10
“Be still, and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!”
John 10:14-16
14 “I am the good shepherd; I know my sheep and my sheep know me— 15 just as the Father knows me and I know the Father—and I lay down my life for the sheep. 16 I have other sheep that are not of this sheep pen. I must bring them also. They too will listen to my voice, and there shall be one flock and one shepherd.
James 5:7-8
7 Be patient, therefore, brothers, until the coming of the Lord. See how the farmer waits for the precious fruit of the earth, being patient about it, until it receives the early and the late rains. 8 You also, be patient. Establish your hearts, for the coming of the Lord is at hand.
Monday, October 5, 2015
A Dying Woman's Diary
This morning I read a post by someone talking about their mother's battle with breast cancer, it was a beautiful testimony of faith and hope that brought me to tears and reminded me of my beloved aunt who died from cancer four years ago this upcoming March. She was prodigal, a woman who got carried away in the world and bound in the chains of sins, but cancer changed that for her. Faced with death she ran home to the Father that loved her and broke free from her past, casting off the lies of Satan. And thru the Lord and her reborn faith she won her first battle with cancer, the doctors couldn't make sense of it, they had said she had months, but she went into remission praising Jesus the whole way.
My aunt would battle against the disease two more times, and the third time she was called home to glory, her battle was over and God loving welcomed her to Him. Her younger sister was with her that night, she told us that my aunt talked about seeing heaven just before she finally let go of life and took her last breath. This didn't surprise anyone, in the years since my aunt had been first diagnosed with cancer God changed her, and we knew she was truly committed to the Lord. Her life and the changes in it spoke of God's power to heal and restore.
After her death her faith would continue to touch the lives of her sons, sisters, brother, parents, and nieces and nephews when we found her diaries. In it we found that no matter how bad her days were and no matter how much pain she was in, she never blamed God. She never got mad at God. Each page was praises, some venting and frustration, but mostly thankfulness for what was right in her life, like her precious grandchildren. This astounded us. We never heard her blame God, but we had expected to open her diaries and see days where she did, and no one would have thought any less of her, the pain she endured was awful. But that just wasn't how she chose to walk through this, instead she chose faith.
Since her passing she has not only been missed, but the inspiration she left behind in her diaries has more than once caused her boys and the rest of us to pause and question things. A changed life is hard to miss in a person and is proof of God working in them, but a dying woman praising God thru her pain is something that will make you examine your own heart and faith. No matter what was thrown at her, her faith was unshaken, she trusted in Jesus completely, right up until the end. I saw her just days before she passed away, too weak to stand, nothing but skin and bones, to sick to eat, yet still she tried to smile thru the pain, still she prayed and thanked God for little mercies, it's a memory that will never leave me.
Today if your day is tough I ask you to remember my aunt and what I shared here. I ask you to think about a dying woman who praised God the whole way home again, and ask yourself, if she could trust Him from her death bed why can't I trust Him now? If she could look past her suffering and know that God had it all under control why can't I? Be blessed.
Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.
Romans 5:1-5
Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.
2 Corinthians 5:7
For we walk by faith, not by sight.
Hebrews 11:1
Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.
Hebrews 11:6
And without faith it is impossible to please him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him.
My aunt would battle against the disease two more times, and the third time she was called home to glory, her battle was over and God loving welcomed her to Him. Her younger sister was with her that night, she told us that my aunt talked about seeing heaven just before she finally let go of life and took her last breath. This didn't surprise anyone, in the years since my aunt had been first diagnosed with cancer God changed her, and we knew she was truly committed to the Lord. Her life and the changes in it spoke of God's power to heal and restore.
After her death her faith would continue to touch the lives of her sons, sisters, brother, parents, and nieces and nephews when we found her diaries. In it we found that no matter how bad her days were and no matter how much pain she was in, she never blamed God. She never got mad at God. Each page was praises, some venting and frustration, but mostly thankfulness for what was right in her life, like her precious grandchildren. This astounded us. We never heard her blame God, but we had expected to open her diaries and see days where she did, and no one would have thought any less of her, the pain she endured was awful. But that just wasn't how she chose to walk through this, instead she chose faith.
Since her passing she has not only been missed, but the inspiration she left behind in her diaries has more than once caused her boys and the rest of us to pause and question things. A changed life is hard to miss in a person and is proof of God working in them, but a dying woman praising God thru her pain is something that will make you examine your own heart and faith. No matter what was thrown at her, her faith was unshaken, she trusted in Jesus completely, right up until the end. I saw her just days before she passed away, too weak to stand, nothing but skin and bones, to sick to eat, yet still she tried to smile thru the pain, still she prayed and thanked God for little mercies, it's a memory that will never leave me.
Today if your day is tough I ask you to remember my aunt and what I shared here. I ask you to think about a dying woman who praised God the whole way home again, and ask yourself, if she could trust Him from her death bed why can't I trust Him now? If she could look past her suffering and know that God had it all under control why can't I? Be blessed.
Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.
Romans 5:1-5
Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.
2 Corinthians 5:7
For we walk by faith, not by sight.
Hebrews 11:1
Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.
Hebrews 11:6
And without faith it is impossible to please him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him.
Thursday, October 1, 2015
Pray First
I have worked as a nanny for about five years now, and before that I worked in daycare with various roles from simply being an aide or extra person to keep us ratio, to head teacher and daylight supervisor. Working with children is all I have ever really wanted to do besides writing. From the time I was 8 I knew I wanted to teach, lead, and encourage children to learn as my early elementary teachers had done for me. I feel very blessed in having had the opportunity to do this, to have gone to school for this, and to get to take part in forming the young minds of children. Teaching, and seeing them understand is one of my greatest joys in life, it's a victory that never gets old, and today I had one of those moments, nearly bringing me to tears with joy and pride when it happened.
The children I care for are not quite two, but we have daily lessons with flashcards, read books together, sing songs, and I teach them through play and coloring their basic fine and gross motor skills. Each day I really try to help them learn and grow a little more, but not only in the things they will need for school. Proverbs 22:6 tells us "Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it," so each day I also tell them about Jesus and have recently started to teach them to pray with their parent's backing and permission. Being so young though I'm not really sure that they understand, and they aren't really able to say much of the prayer except 'Amen' which they are always very enthused about! But I do it anyway because I know with repetition they will learn and eventually understand it.
Then this morning during the chaos of trying to finish cooking their breakfast, pouring their milk, and trying to wrangle them into their high chairs to eat, one of them surprised me. I was getting flustered and forgetting where I was in the process of the morning, as I often do, and I started to hand the boys their milk cups without having had said prayer. I had completely forgotten that we hadn't said grace and was in a rush to get them settled down so I could make their plates without the fussing, but the older twin had not forgotten. Handing his cup back to me he said "No Jenn, pray first."
I couldn't believe my ears! Pray first! This dear sweet little boy stopped me in my tracks when he said this. I was proud of him for one remembering that we had to pray before breakfast, and two because he reminded me what I needed to do before I allowed myself to get lost and overwhelmed by the day, Jenn pray first. Usually I'm the one teaching them, but today God used this little boy to remind me of a lesson I have had to learn many times over, pray first. Before you get overwhelmed, before you get worked up, pray first. When you know something will be difficult or hectic, pray first. His simple words reached deep into my heart and I couldn't have been any happier with this child, and how God had used him to minister to me right in the moment I needed it. Be blessed.
Isaiah 65:24
Before they call I will answer; while they are yet speaking I will hear.
Matthew 26:41
Watch and pray that you may not enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.”
Philippians 4:6-7
6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
1 John 3:22
And whatever we ask we receive from him, because we keep his commandments and do what pleases him
The children I care for are not quite two, but we have daily lessons with flashcards, read books together, sing songs, and I teach them through play and coloring their basic fine and gross motor skills. Each day I really try to help them learn and grow a little more, but not only in the things they will need for school. Proverbs 22:6 tells us "Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it," so each day I also tell them about Jesus and have recently started to teach them to pray with their parent's backing and permission. Being so young though I'm not really sure that they understand, and they aren't really able to say much of the prayer except 'Amen' which they are always very enthused about! But I do it anyway because I know with repetition they will learn and eventually understand it.
Then this morning during the chaos of trying to finish cooking their breakfast, pouring their milk, and trying to wrangle them into their high chairs to eat, one of them surprised me. I was getting flustered and forgetting where I was in the process of the morning, as I often do, and I started to hand the boys their milk cups without having had said prayer. I had completely forgotten that we hadn't said grace and was in a rush to get them settled down so I could make their plates without the fussing, but the older twin had not forgotten. Handing his cup back to me he said "No Jenn, pray first."
I couldn't believe my ears! Pray first! This dear sweet little boy stopped me in my tracks when he said this. I was proud of him for one remembering that we had to pray before breakfast, and two because he reminded me what I needed to do before I allowed myself to get lost and overwhelmed by the day, Jenn pray first. Usually I'm the one teaching them, but today God used this little boy to remind me of a lesson I have had to learn many times over, pray first. Before you get overwhelmed, before you get worked up, pray first. When you know something will be difficult or hectic, pray first. His simple words reached deep into my heart and I couldn't have been any happier with this child, and how God had used him to minister to me right in the moment I needed it. Be blessed.
Isaiah 65:24
Before they call I will answer; while they are yet speaking I will hear.
Matthew 26:41
Watch and pray that you may not enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.”
Philippians 4:6-7
6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
1 John 3:22
And whatever we ask we receive from him, because we keep his commandments and do what pleases him
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