Mary had a Little Lamb

      Five days a week, for 6 hours of my 9 hour shift I have a two and a half foot tall shadow that follows me around and freaks out every time he can't see me. This is both a very sweet sign of affection; because I know he loves me and wants to be around me, and it is also at times very frustrating and annoying. I don't say this to be mean, but rather to be honest. I know that any stay at home mom/dad, or babysitter can relate. It's great to know that the child loves and needs you, its great that they care about you this much and that they need to see you to feel safe because you are their protector and caretaker. But it's also extremely challenging when they need you so much that you can't walk away from them without them crying, you can't leave the room or go to the bathroom without them having a total melt down, I admit I handle this some days better than others.
       Sometimes I find myself begging him from the bathroom, "please calm down, please stop crying, Jenn will be right back, baby. I still love you, I didn't leave." Other days I ignore his tears and pray, knowing that nothing I say will comfort or calm him until he can once again see me. Other days, I don't say a word to him, and I don't pray about it either. I just do what I have to and get back to him as soon as I can. This morning was honestly one of the days where I am easily frustrated by this because for the last few days I have been unwell, but something happened today that quickly shifted my frustration into laughter and turned my whole attitude around.
       Before coming out of the bathroom this morning while I listened to him stand outside the door and cry for me the whole time I was in there, I questioned if I was in the right state of mind to be at work. I was frustrated, tired, and a bit overwhelmed by his need for me. I knew as soon as I came out he'd be all over me, and once again glued to my side, which wasn't bad until I had to make them something to eat or use the facilities again, which would again send him into tears. This knowledge left me dreading the day, and anytime that I may have to step away even for a minute. Silently I made a plea to God, 'Lord help me through this I can't take it on my own.'
        God's answer was swift. I walked out to be greeted by my teary eyed little gent who immediately threw his tiny arms around my legs and gave me a big dimpled grin. From his reaction you would have thought I left for a month, not two minutes. I sighed and smiled back down at him, then I began to laugh. I suddenly had remembered the nursery rhyme "Mary had a Little Lamb" and the comparison between us and that rhyme made me giggle. He was my little lamb who followed me where ever I went! This thought was then quickly followed by another, I am Yeshua's lamb, and He is my shepherd, and I follow Him wherever He leads me.
       At that thought I sat down and pulled my dear little lamb onto my lap, I had realized I am no different than this child. I feel safe and secure when I am in God's presence, when I can feel the Holy Spirit leading me, but there are times when for one reason or another I don't feel Him and I will sometimes stand outside the door crying for Him. Just like with my dear little one, this crying doesn't change anything, it just makes things more difficult. When I stand outside the door crying all I really accomplish is wearing myself out, and sometimes drowning out the message God is actually trying to teach me. This realization changed my attitude and approach today. I still don't know what to do about his crying, but I've decided that I'm not going to let it frustrate me anymore, seeing myself in him I suddenly have a lot more compassion and understanding for him. But more importantly, I've also decided that maybe instead of crying outside the door so much, I need to sit, wait patiently, and listen. Be blessed brothers and sisters!

Psalm 23:1-4

1 The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing. 2 He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, 3 he refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake. 4 Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me

Psalm 46:10   
“Be still, and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!”

John 10:14-16
14 “I am the good shepherd; I know my sheep and my sheep know me— 15 just as the Father knows me and I know the Father—and I lay down my life for the sheep. 16 I have other sheep that are not of this sheep pen. I must bring them also. They too will listen to my voice, and there shall be one flock and one shepherd.

James 5:7-8   
7 Be patient, therefore, brothers, until the coming of the Lord. See how the farmer waits for the precious fruit of the earth, being patient about it, until it receives the early and the late rains. 8 You also, be patient. Establish your hearts, for the coming of the Lord is at hand.