Never Leave You or Forsake You

           I love how the Lord never leaves us alone in our pain; you may feel alone, but you never really are. Our Father is always listening, always watching and waiting for us to turn to Him. I love that God never leaves us in confusion either, He may not tell us everything all at once, sometimes its only the direction in which to walk that He gives us. But as we spend time with Him and busy ourselves with His work the course eventually becomes clear. As we seek the Lord, and serve the Lord He establishes our steps(Psalm 37:23, Proverbs 16:9). Sometimes that means we go through situations that are difficult or that don't make sense, but in hindsight it will all connect, one thing leading into the other to produce the fruit that the Lord is forming in you.
        There are times when I get really down, that I feel like what I do here doesn't matter, that I have no effect at all for the Kingdom of God, that I am a branch fit to be cut off the vine. But over the course of the last couple of weeks, and especially the last two days God has sent people to encourage me. Without them knowing what was in my heart or the doubts that sprang up in my mind recently regarding this blog, they have encouraged me to continue, one woman even telling me to take my doubts to God and rebuke them! I knew it had to be God. One man said that it was the influence of these post and the persistence of my ministering to him that caused him to turn to Christ, and I say it can only be God. I am amazed at how fast God is to respond to the pain and doubts in my heart, how He uses people around me and the people who read these post to let me know that I am not ineffectual for Him. I am amazed at how the woman knew I was struggling with these feelings despite me not mentioning them, I amazed that the testimony she gave me touched specifically on other issues in my life I am struggling with where doubt has begun to plague me as well. All I can say is it can only be God.
       Lately, I have doubted my calling, doubted my service, and doubted that I am hearing God correctly because at the moment nothing makes sense. I have struggled and overcome the doubt, but in a matter of a day or two I'd sink back into the doubt again, starting the process over but through it all I have never doubted Jesus. I know and have known it was all in His hands and that everything would be okay in the end(Romans 8:28), I believed it and repeated it pushing myself to do the work I have felt called to whether I felt fit for it or not. In my confusion I have praised Him and prayed to Him, sharing my heart and feelings, and He has responded by reassuring me of my direction even if I can't see the path at the moment. He has let me know through others that I am helping them, and that He has heard my prayers. God has shown me that in Him I am more than I may feel at times and today He has conquered the doubt in my heart because of His faithfulness.
        I amazed by our Father and how His word stands true, He does not leave us or forsake us(Deuteronomy 31:6&8, Psalm 37:28, Hebrews 13:5). He has been with me this whole time, the voice of inspiration, encouragement, reassurance, and guidance. He has been my push to continue when I wasn't sure. He has been speaking to me in my dreams and waking hours using His Word to remind me of the truth. Each step of the way Yeshua has been there; each doubt that has entered my mind Yeshua has conquered. His word is truth, and for those who have surrender to Him, entering into a relationship with Him, we know this because we experience it. We have the joy of the Lord in our hearts, His word and testimony, we have the peace of His presence even in times of confusion, and we have love and life abundantly in our spirits that keep us abiding in Him, seeking more of Him because the Lord is the treasure we seek and desire of our hearts. Be blessed today and always in Jesus name.

Deuteronomy 31:6-8
6 Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”

7 Then Moses summoned Joshua and said to him in the presence of all Israel, “Be strong and courageous, for you must go with this people into the land that the Lord swore to their ancestors to give them, and you must divide it among them as their inheritance. 8 The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.” 

Psalm 40:2
He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.

Psalm 111:7-9
7 The works of his hands are faithful and just; all his precepts are trustworthy; 8 they are established forever and ever, to be performed with faithfulness and uprightness. 9 He sent redemption to his people; he has commanded his covenant forever. Holy and awesome is his name!

2 Thessalonians 3:3   
But the Lord is faithful. He will establish you and guard you against the evil one.     

Doing What is Uncomfortable

       We all know as Christians who read our bibles that God will ask us to do things that we don't want to do, things that make us uncomfortable at times to help us grow. Now is one such time for me. Lately, about a week or two I'd say, I have been getting a lot of messages and sermons on connections. On the importance of God ordained connections in our life to help us fulfill our purpose in the kingdom. This honestly isn't the first time God has spoken to me about this, this isn't the first time that it seemed like all the messages I clicked on talked about this, but last time I didn't really obey. I tried to hid much like Jonah when he tried to go to Tarshish instead of Ninevah (Jonah 1:1-3), I tried to try to get out of it and looked for a way around it leaning on social media going "look see I'm connecting" when I knew He meant on a deeper level. I argued with God much like Moses (Exodus 3:11-4:18), saying this can't be for me, you can't expect that from me! It's not who I am! I knew then and I know now that I was wrong in my actions, I should have obeyed without trying to make excuses or trying to get out or around it.
       I realize that it probably seems strange to a lot of people that I would even want to make excuses to get out of being social. I mean, why would I not want to make connections? Why is that such a problem for me? Being social is easy right? Well, not for me. I am a very introverted person honestly. I value my privacy, my alone time, and find socializing to be an exhausting activity most of the time. Ever since I was a child I preferred to be by myself and work on my own, I hated group activities at school, or youth group, and I never liked being forced to participate in them. Groups in general are not my thing. Even in church I tend to sit by myself, away from everyone except my husband, and leave shortly after service with only saying hi and bye to as few of individuals as I can get away with. I'm not shy really, I can be very out going and bubbly if the situation calls for it, I can seem like an extrovert in these situations but really I just like being alone. I like quiet and solitude with God, I like having just a couple people close to me and keeping most people at a distance. Only socializing a little each day and mostly online or via text messages. So when God tells me that I need to make connections, that I need to branch out and socialize more on a person to person, face to face kind of way, I inwardly groan.
        I understand that while it's not something I want to do, that if God is asking me to do this it is for my own good, and very likely the good of whatever connections He brings into my path. I know that God will be with me as I go forward in this seeking His guidance for the connections, and that I can trust Him, but being very truthful there is still a big part of me, a part of my flesh inside me kicking and screaming and throwing a tantrum saying "I don't want to try to make more friends! I just want my time at home alone! I don't want to work on new relationships or go to bible study with other people I want to do it at home with just you God! I don't want any other people I just need you and the ones you already put in my life." But I realize not all of that is truth.
       People, as we know walk in and out of our lives, and yes some stay a part of lives for a lifetime, but other's have very short seasons in our lives. Each of these people in our lives adds something to the shaping of our a character, they each teach us something either good or bad about themselves and us. But if you are like me and constantly avoiding social situations you don't allow yourself that opportunity. This has been my big lesson lately, this is what God has been speaking to my spirit about. And why He has given me so many sermons on connections and their importance in our walk, one of which that specifically used being an introvert as an excuse, the one that finally broke me to admit that yes I've been hiding behind my computer screen, and yes I need to step out and let people meet me. I have a dream of getting ordained in time and speaking in churches and at small events of the glory of our Savior, but I'll never get that opportunity if I don't start meeting people and making connections. I will need support, I will need to know people who can help me to get there, and help me to stay focused on the Lord most of all. I need new connections for a new season. But most of all I need to obey.
       Part of me doesn't want too, but I know I will, I will obey my Father and not just kind of like last time. I will put effort forth and not only make connections but put effort into building the connections. I will seek the Lord to know the right ones and trust in His plans for me. He isn't asking what's easy for me, He isn't asking me to do something I even like, as I said I find it exhausting, I get burned out from socializing, but He is asking me to do what I need to do to be the woman He formed me to be. He has known me since before I was born, and loved me with an everlasting love, so in obedience I shall strive to serve, putting aside my selfishness. Be blessed.

Exodus 4:10-17

10 Moses said to the Lord, “Pardon your servant, Lord. I have never been eloquent, neither in the past nor since you have spoken to your servant. I am slow of speech and tongue.”

11 The Lord said to him, “Who gave human beings their mouths? Who makes them deaf or mute? Who gives them sight or makes them blind? Is it not I, the Lord? 12 Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say.”

13 But Moses said, “Pardon your servant, Lord. Please send someone else.”

14 Then the Lord’s anger burned against Moses and he said, “What about your brother, Aaron the Levite? I know he can speak well. He is already on his way to meet you, and he will be glad to see you. 15 You shall speak to him and put words in his mouth; I will help both of you speak and will teach you what to do. 16 He will speak to the people for you, and it will be as if he were your mouth and as if you were God to him. 17 But take this staff in your hand so you can perform the signs with it."

 

Jeremiah 1:5   

“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you; I appointed you a prophet to the nations.”

Romans 8:28   
And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.

 

2 Peter 1:3-11

3 His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. 4 Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature, having escaped the corruption in the world caused by evil desires.

5 For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; 6 and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; 7 and to godliness, mutual affection; and to mutual affection, love. 8 For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. 9 But whoever does not have them is nearsighted and blind, forgetting that they have been cleansed from their past sins.

10 Therefore, my brothers and sisters, make every effort to confirm your calling and election. For if you do these things, you will never stumble, 11 and you will receive a rich welcome into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ

      

Power in Prayer

       There is a song that Hillsong United sings, and in it is the line "I touch the sky when my knees hit the ground," and I think there is something beautiful in that line. I find encouragement and hope in it because I understand that feeling, I understand that it is those moments of prayer and vulnerability before the Lord that brings us the closest to the Father in heaven. I love the truth in that line and it resonates inside me, every time I hear that song. I find beauty in the fact that it is when we bare ourselves before the Lord being completely open with our hearts and hiding nothing from Him that we truly get to experience His presence. I love that God takes that vulnerability, that openness that we offer in genuine prayer and fills us with Himself, working and leading us from within to change our hearts and minds.
       I can not honestly tell you how many times I have gone to Him in prayer, weeping and begging Him to do something to change my circumstances, to change my husband, my mom, or whoever or whatever else I felt was causing grief in my life and He totally changed my heart towards things. The biggest example of this I can think of was when my husband was unsure if he was ready to start a family. He wanted to wait because he didn't feel ready and he was scared because he didn't have a dad growing up and didn't feel sure that he wouldn't crack under the pressure and leave too. I did not want to wait, I was ready and wanted to start trying right away, I felt like all his fears would work themselves out after the baby came and I tried everything I could to convince him to see things my way. I pushed and pushed the issue, at times telling him he was being selfish for not even trying, consequently pushing my husband away and causing a distance that I blamed Nick for also. But when I took this issue to God and begged Him to change my husbands mind, it was mine He changed in that moment.
       As I sat on my bathroom floor crying and begging to have my way, I suddenly knew I needed to stop pushing him. Suddenly I knew that without a doubt he would get there if only I were patient with him. I realized with certainty that I had been the cause of all our problems and not Nick, but until that moment my pride had blinded me from seeing it. I became repentant as the Lord opened my mind to see the truth of the situation and He convicted my heart to change. I stopped pushing after this and just praised God that each day we were one day closer to being ready to start our family, and not long after God changed my heart I started to see improvements in our relationship. It took time, and many more tearful prayers to the Father but things are better than before now and we are finally on the same page about starting a family.
       I wanted to share this with you today because I don't think we often realize what a miracle it is when God reaches into us like this and changes our whole way of thinking in a matter of seconds. I don't think we realize how much a moment in His presence can effect us. How in the simple act of genuine prayer we open ourselves up for Jesus to intercede on our behalf and set us right again. I touch the sky when my knees hit the ground because the power of prayer is His Holy Spirit taking us to new heights in the Lord, bringing us ever closer to Him as works to changes us. I touch the sky when my knees hit the ground because as I humble myself before my Father in heaven and He lifts me up from my despair, He makes me new, and is molds me in His image. Be blessed today and always.

Jeremiah 33:3   
Call to me and I will answer you, and will tell you great and hidden things that you have not known. 

Isaiah 65:24   
Before they call I will answer; while they are yet speaking I will hear.

Luke 11:9   
And I tell you, ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.

James 1:5   
If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.

Can't Blame Him

       This morning when I was reading my bible over a cup coffee as usual, I saw a verse that related back to a post I had recently shared, the post had said "People's own foolishness ruins their lives, but in their minds they blame the Lord." And the verse I read this morning said, "And He answered, 'I have not troubled Israel, but thou and thy fathers house, in that ye have forsaken the Commandments of the Lord and thou hast followed Baalim' (1 Kings 18:18) What I found really striking, really interesting about both is they really say the same, we are responsible for our own calamity because of disobedience to the Lord.  This wasn't a new idea to me, but to be honest I hadn't really meditated on that thought for a long time, I hadn't really given it much thought at all for quite some time. It was something that I first saw and noticed in the Old Testament when I first began reading again a couple years ago and it was part of my motivation to change my ways. I saw as I read the warnings the Lord had given, and the disobedience and trouble that followed for Israel as a result of their disobedience(List of blessings and curses begins in Deuteronomy 28). I realized that Israel was really no different than the six year old I cared for at the time who had been told not to hit his brother or he'd have to sit in time out and did it anyway, then got mad at me when he was faced with the consequences. I saw that in Israel first, then in myself.
      I was convicted upon that revelation and knew I needed to change and really follow in His ways, comparing Israel and myself to the disobedient child I finally understood what it must feel like in a small way when we do this to God. (I do want to say well I am writing here "disobedient child" he truly was not always disobedient, I'm mostly referring to the described incident.) I had given him warnings and he knew the rules and their consequences, but still he choose to disobey and blamed me when I enforced the rules. It was frustrating, and a little hurtful frankly when I had tried so hard to get him to do right, even promising treats at the end of the day if he was good and special activities, but still he choose to do wrong, so I had to enforce the rules. Now, recognizing the similarities in the situations between the boy's behavior, Israel's and my own I realized that most of the bad things in my life, I had caused, I was responsible for them by my bad choices, not God and not anyone else, it was my actions, my choices that had made me so unhappy.
         But our Father, in His benevolence didn't leave me in a place where I saw only what I had done wrong and it's consequence, through His word and later through practice of it, He showed me that Deuteronomy 4:40, is truth, which reads like this in the NIV "Keep his decrees and commands, which I am giving you today, so that it may go well with you and your children after you and that you may live long in the land the LORD your God gives you for all time." As I am learning to follow in His ways and continually seeking more of Him I am seeing my life get better and better. Not necessarily in a materialistic way, though that is also improving, but the life I live is getting better and happier. My life is more joyous now because I always have hope, and the stresses and worries that once dogged me daily are drifting away into nothing because I am trusting evermore on Him. I am receiving the blessing of abundant life and walking in it, when I obey His Commands because that is what He has told us from the start, it was the promise made long ago, that I and many ignored. In His Word He has given the rules to follow, and the consequences for when we don't, so we can't blame God when things go wrong, we are just as accountable for our actions as was the boy who hit his little brother.
       Today meditating on all of that, those verses and the past incident mentioned, I wish I would have remembered it a couple of nights ago when I was talking to someone who was angry about the way things were going in their life. They made some bad choices, did things that they knew they shouldn't, and now faced with fines and other legal issues they are blaming God. They are angry and feel like a loving God would never have allowed this to happen to their family, they do not see that God tried to stop it using those around them to warn of their careless, reckless ways. They do not see that it was disobedience that brought about their calamity, and now I'm hoping for a chance to share this with them, to maybe plant a seed of truth that will grow to revelation, and if not this post then at least the opportunity to share some versus and maybe some of the testimony I shared here with you. I am hoping to share truth with this person, and help them to see free will is a responsibility and we are accountable for the choices we make as a result of it, and I pray that whoever else needed this today receives it. Be blessed in Jesus name.
  
Deuteronomy 5:29
Oh, that their hearts would be inclined to fear me and keep all my commands always, so that it might go well with them and their children forever!

Deuteronomy 12:28
Be careful to obey all these regulations I am giving you, so that it may always go well with you and your children after you, because you will be doing what is good and right in the eyes of the LORD your God.  

Deuteronomy 30:19   
I call heaven and earth to witness against you today, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and curse. Therefore choose life, that you and your offspring may live  

2 Corinthians 5:10   
For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, so that each one may receive what is due for what he has done in the body, whether good or evil.

Galatians 6:8   
For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life.

2 Timothy 3:16-17   
All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be competent, equipped for every good work

Salvation is the Work of the Lord

       After I surrendered my life to Jesus Christ I really wanted to go out and save souls, I wanted to tell everybody about Jesus, what He did for me and that He could do it for them too, honestly I still do! I would often pray, 'Lord let me turn one of your lost sheep back to you, let me save one person and bring them into your kingdom and everything I must endure will be worth it.' My motivation and the general idea I had were great but what I didn't know then was my logic was flawed in this prayer, I was wrong. It took me a while to accept this, or even realize it in the first place but saving people isn't my job. Salvation is not something I am even capable of, while my heart was in the right place, the fact remains that I cannot save anyone. Salvation comes from a Savior, and that is not me, it is Yeshua who saves, He alone died and rose again for us and it is Him who saves the lost.
         The Great Commission found in Matthew 28:16-20; calls all of us to go out and make disciples of all nations, in other words we are to spread the Gospel of Jesus to all, to teach them about Him and to obey His commands, to show them the love of our Creator and encourage them as they grow in faith. But nowhere in this did Jesus tell us to save them. In John 13:34-35 we see His command to love, this command was a repeated throughout the ministry of Jesus and His disciples. But again we were not commanded to save because we can't, we can only throw the seeds out there. As humans we are unable to see into people's hearts, we cannot determine if they are good soil, or rocky, we can't determine if the seed fell in the path and would eaten by birds, or into the thorn bush and choked(Luke 8:1-15), but the Father in heaven knows all of this and asks only that we share His Word and the testimony He gave us.
        Now I know I may have deflated some of you by saying you didn't actually get anyone saved, that you can't save anyone, but really understanding that salvation comes from the Lord and is not a reflection on how good or bad we are doing in His service frees us up to focus on the call. When the seeds fall on the path and are trampled or eaten by birds, or in the rocks, or into a bush we can feel like we failed, but that isn't truth, that is just hurt pride talking. When we allow our pride to be taken out of this equation and simply accept that all we can do, all we are supposed to do is share then we are better able to shake the dust from our feet and walk away from those who won't hear. We are better able to accept that it was not us they rejected but the Lord(1 Samuel 8:7), and this keeps us from going down the paths of bitterness or rage in the hurt of rejection, which anyone who evangelizes will tell you, you will face plenty of.
       Yes, it can be extremely thrilling, exhilarating  and energizing when someone says that what we shared with them has changed their life, has caused them to turn back to the Lord or turns them to Yeshua for the first time, but we didn't do that, it wasn't really us, we simply obeyed, allowing God to use us and our Father did the rest. He worked on their heart and changed it, not us, we were just used in obedience to bring it about. Honestly, this is still something I struggle with at times because everyday I talk with so many people, and some of them are very broken and hurting. I know Christ can heal their pain because He healed mine and I long to make them see it, for them to turn to Him and be saved, be surrendered, but I cannot make it happen. Salvation of the lost isn't something that God holds me accountable for; salvation is something personal between us and God, but evangelizing, spreading the Gospel and loving people, those are our jobs, that is what each and everyone of us called into Him are called to do. My pride would love to say it's me effecting people, but my spirit knows the truth, it is all the Lord's work, I simply asked Him to use me and responded in obedience. He is bringing people to me and to you too who need to know Him, who He wants us to teach, but it is Him who saves and has saved us, and all the glory for it belongs to Him. Be blessed.

Psalm 37:39-40
39 But the salvation of the righteous is from the LORD; He is their strength in time of trouble. 40 The LORD helps them and delivers them; He delivers them from the wicked and saves them, Because they take refuge in Him

Jonah 2:8-9

8 “Those who cling to worthless idols turn away from God’s love for them. 9 But I, with shouts of grateful praise, will sacrifice to you. What I have vowed I will make good. I will say, ‘Salvation comes from the Lord.’ 

  
Isaiah 45:17
But Israel will be saved by the LORD with an everlasting salvation; you will never be put to shame or disgraced, to ages everlasting
      
Acts 4:8-12

8 Then Peter, filled with the Holy Spirit, said to them: “Rulers and elders of the people! 9 If we are being called to account today for an act of kindness shown to a man who was lame and are being asked how he was healed, 10 then know this, you and all the people of Israel: It is by the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, whom you crucified but whom God raised from the dead, that this man stands before you healed. 11 Jesus is

“ ‘the stone you builders rejected,

which has become the cornerstone.’

12 Salvation is found in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given to mankind by which we must be saved.”

 

2 Timothy 1:9-12

9 He has saved us and called us to a holy life—not because of anything we have done but because of his own purpose and grace. This grace was given us in Christ Jesus before the beginning of time, 10 but it has now been revealed through the appearing of our Savior, Christ Jesus, who has destroyed death and has brought life and immortality to light through the gospel. 11 And of this gospel I was appointed a herald and an apostle and a teacher. 12 That is why I am suffering as I am. Yet this is no cause for shame, because I know whom I have believed, and am convinced that he is able to guard what I have entrusted to him until that day.

  

Renewed Hope

       I have been hiding for days, resting, dealing with some emotions, and avoiding social media, avoiding everything but myself and God really. I went camping with my husband for about three days but that didn't seem like a long enough break, I didn't feel strong enough or rested enough to come back yet, so I turned off all my notifications and just spent time with myself and God, refocusing and centering myself once more. For awhile now I have had difficulty writing, difficulty focusing, difficulty doing just about everything. I was totally burnt out, frazzled, exhausted and dazed; I didn't realize how bad it really was though until I took the time to stop and couldn't find the strength to start up again.
       I had spent months pouring into someone, ministering to them, then visiting them in the hospital and taking care of their home as best I could with the work schedule I have and my other responsibilities. I spent 6 days a week caring for them or their home and pets, and 7 days a week talking to them on the phone 2-3 times a day, encouraging them and listening to them but it was never enough. I tried to be patient with them, loving as best I could, but right before our vacation I broke down. I could no longer take the verbal abuse or accusations against myself, and my parent's. I could no longer take agreeing with this person just to avoid having an argument with them because they are never wrong, even with proof to the contrary. I couldn't handle the weight of this person's misguided anger anymore, and I just simply broke. I walked out and I haven't heard from them since. Which has left me feeling absolutely guilty, disappointed in myself, and just plain lousy all around, all of which is part of why I've been away.
        I asked for advice and prayer about this situation from my husband and  friends, who all encouraged me that I did the right thing, that it was okay to walk away from someone treating me that way. But another side of my brain has been tormenting me about my actions. It tells me how wrong and unloving I was to walk away from someone in this position, someone so vulnerable, someone so alone, someone so clearly in need of love but was pushing everyone away. I have gone back and forth, and over this situation a 100 times it feels like, I have prayed about it repeatedly in the last 10 days, and I have come to a place now where I realized that my husband and friends were right I needed to walk away, but that doesn't mean that I have to stop showing this person I care.
       After days of praying and thinking about things in seclusion with no distractions, dealing with my own heart and rebuilding my broken spirit I have come to a place where I am at peace with my actions because they have brought me peace. I don't feel completely exhausted anymore and I can finally write and think again because I am not overwhelmed by stress and emotional hurt. This morning for the first time in a while I woke up with a clear course of action in mind and confidence in it. I decided that even though they are angry with me still for leaving and ending our visit abruptly I will send them card and let them know I am still thinking about, praying for, and loving them. I want them to see that some people are going to love them unconditionally, that some people will love them even when they push us away. I am hoping that this small show of caring touches their heart, that maybe somehow they can start to understand real love, and that maybe what seemed like a failure to me almost a fortnight ago, could really be used to bring this person one step closer to knowing Jesus.
       I don't know what verses to add today, I didn't pull any of this from scripture today, this is just my heart plain and simple and the things I have been dealing with these last couple of weeks and since February really, but I think I will put verses of hope here today because today I am again hopeful. This is just where spending time in prayer, spending time alone with God has gotten me. I am at a place right now where I see that I did what I had to do to protect myself emotionally, and now that I am feeling stronger again I can slowly start to show this person I still love them through acts of kindness. I shared this today, because it's what is on my heart, what has been on my heart for awhile, I don't know if it helps anyone, or encourages anyone else, but I felt like I should share what I've been dealing with anyway, and where the Lord has brought me with it. I pray for you brother's and sister's, be a light to those in darkness, be the hope and love we were meant to be, and lean into the Father as trouble arises. Be blessed, in Jesus name.

Psalm 43:5   
Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God

Psalm 71:14   
But I will hope continually and will praise you yet more and more

Romans 12:12   
Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer
    
1 John 4:18   
There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love.

Clearing Out The Doubt

       Often I doubt myself, recently more than I have in a while. I doubt if what I am doing matters, I doubt that I'm hearing Him right. I doubt that I am good enough for Jesus, and I doubt that I am on the right course. I doubt that I love Him enough, or that I am worthy of His love, and I doubt things that God has used to confirm His truth to me. All I have in my heart is love for Him, but still I doubt the things and ways He shows up wondering am I crazy? Sometimes I feel like Thomas (John 20:24-29), I love God and I have seen and experienced many miracles, but still there is that little voice that asks, is it really Jesus?
       In my spirit I know the truth, I know that I am doing what He asked, I know that Jesus loves me, that He died and rose for me. I know that He lives in me and it is His Holy Spirit who is continually confirming the works of God in my life. I know that what I do here and with the children I nanny for matters because I see the love in them that they have for me, and I have had many share with me how God has used these post in their lives. So why is there doubt? Why is that persistent voice still there chirping at me to stop, give up, and back down? Why is there that voice that says I need to let this go because I am not in God's will, that I have stepped out of it and failed the test, that I have lost my ability to write post that are truly anointed by God?  Because it's one of the enemies favorite tools to disable us.
       And today I have had enough doubt! I have had enough of that little voice tormenting me and making me doubt who I was called to be Christ. I am done giving it leeway in my mind! Today I rebuke doubt and stand on the Rock! Today I pick up my cross, dust off my feet and walk on in the Spirit with my Savior standing next to me. Today I let go of these feelings in Jesus name and accept my true life as a daughter to the King, ready and willing to serve in the capacity I was called too! Today I remember I have no doubt of who I was called to be and what I was called to do.
       Doubt is something that I believe we all battle at times, some of us more than others, but it is important to meet our doubts with a healthy dose of truth. It is truth, God's truth that dispels doubt. When we stand on the promises of God, when we stand on God's word declaring it over our lives we can overcome the doubt and cause it to flee from our minds. As we lean on Him He gives us strength and convicts us of our ways, in the Lord there is no reason to doubt and fear because we know God is just and faithful (Deuteronomy 7:9, Deuteronomy 32:4) we know God does not lie (Numbers 23:19), we know all His ways are perfect and righteous (Psalm 18:30, Psalm 145:17) and because of this we can depend on Him. Be blessed in Jesus name.

Proverbs 3:5   
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.

Proverbs 28:26
Those who trust in themselves are fools, but those who walk in wisdom are kept safe.

John 16:13   
When the Spirit of truth comes, he will guide you into all the truth, for he will not speak on his own authority, but whatever he hears he will speak, and he will declare to you the things that are to come.

James 1:6   
But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind

Learning to Accept Correction

      When I was young I hated being corrected, not in the sense that I got mad or prideful, and was like "how dare they' but that I would allow that rebuke to crush my spirit. Correction used to be devastating to me, I would cry or tear up over almost any mistake I made when it was pointed out. I rarely argued back that I was in the right though, (at least until I became a teen) and usually accepted that I had done wrongly. I just hated to disappoint, I hated to mess up, and really desired to please those I respected and loved. I was fragile in that sense, and really took things to heart, I saw correction like punishment or failure, even when done lovingly.
        This attitude, or behavior of being overly sensitive to correction lasted into adulthood. In my early twenties I still got upset and sometimes, tearing up occasionally, when I was corrected. I remember at one point a boss sat me down and told me in a private meeting that I had to learn not to take correction as a personal attack that I needed to see the good that could come out of it, and not be so sensitive. She said that I needed to look at correction differently, not as a failure, but as an area I needed to improve in. She said it was good that I became repentant and tried to do better after correction, but I that I had to stop letting it hurt me, it wasn't fair to myself or those who had corrected me.
       I didn't understand then what she meant and I had no idea how to change my reactions to correction. But as time has gone on and I started to get to know God more my reactions are slowly changing. I am starting to learn how to shift my focus when I am corrected from how I failed, to what I can do better. I am learning to appreciate genuine loving correction because I know that the people doing this want to see me succeed. I am learning through God's word how correction is blessing, not meant to hurt or offend but to keep us on the path of righteousness and lead us into a closer relationship with our Father. Now I don't cry or tear up when I am corrected, I may still feel my flesh rise up in the sting of it, but I am learning to quickly turn that sting over to the Lord and let Him use it to guide me into better practices. I am learning to trust Him even in correction and accept the truth in of His word in verses like Hebrews 12:11, which says 'For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.' Because I am seeing it happen in my life.
       As I accept correction with the right attitude and let it teach rather than wound I am discovering there is more peace in my soul, and I learn new things or ways of doing and being. I learn new strengths in myself that I never knew, and I find my way is made easier by obedience to the Lord. If you are like me and have struggled with correction I ask you to try to learn to look at the fruit of correction rather than the sting, give the hurt of it to the Father and let the correction change your course with the help of the Holy Spirit. Be blessed.

Proverbs 15:32   
Whoever ignores instruction despises himself, but he who listens to reproof gains intelligence.

Ezekiel 36:26-27   
26 And I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh. 27 And I will put my Spirit within you, and cause you to walk in my statutes and be careful to obey my rules

John 14:26    
But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, he will teach you all things and bring to your remembrance all that I have said to you.

2 Timothy 3:16-17   
16 All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, 17 that the man of God may be competent, equipped for every good work.

Enduring Through the Trials

       Have you ever imagined what it would be like to sit at the feet of Jesus and listen to Him speak? To have that opportunity to know Him deeper and learn His heart? What an overwhelmingly wonderful, beautiful feeling I think it would be to sit in His presence like that. I have been thinking about that a lot the last few days because all I really want is more time in Him. The more chaotic the world becomes with all hoops and things we have to jump through to get the house, and all the other extra responsibilities I have in my family right now, plus the usual work load, I find that I am longing for Him more than ever, longing to be closer to Him, longing for His peace, and I find myself seeking Him more to fill that need.
      Before I came to the Lord though, before I had a deep relationship with Him it wasn't like this. Three years ago these things would have crushed me under the weight of their burdens, I wouldn't have sought the Lord for comfort then, I would have begged Him for release and became angry when it didn't happen. I didn't understand then that sometimes we had to walk through the bad, to see the glory. I didn't spend time with Him then like I do now, I didn't really know God well at all, and despite saying "I love God," or "God is first" I didn't really live that way. I didn't seek the Lord then, not really... I prayed without listening then, and I demanded my way. I looked to preachers to tell me who God was instead of opening His book and finding out for myself. My relationship with Him then was in all reality all about me, and I had no idea what it felt like to really love God or know His love.
       Since then Lord's peace has entered my life and He is now my deepest desire, the more crazy the world around me gets the more of Him I know I need to face it. Instead of running to a preacher, or a therapist, or reading self-help books to deal with problems and find the answers I need, I run to Yeshua, my source of everything, my friend and constant provider. I am learning that there truly is no such things as too much God in your life, only too little. With Yeshua I am able to withstand the storms raging against me and find my way out of the darkness and lies that try to move me off course. I am learning there is only true peace in His presence, and I find myself wanting to reject the world more all the time for Him.
       I sit here with tears in my eyes typing this thinking of how wonderful and merciful our Father is. Today has been so hard, everything has worked me up and it has been so difficult to stay calm, it has been a day of distractions, and aggravation but each time I come back to His word I again find myself at peace once more. With everything that has been thrown at us lately I know and understand more than ever that I NEED God, that it is Him who gives us true peace, it is Him who provides, and it is only our Lord who can fill the empty spaces in us, only God who can change us. Be Blessed.

Psalm 23:4   
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me

Psalm 34:17-18   
When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears and delivers them out of all their troubles. The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit

John 16:33
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

Romans 5:1-5
1 Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, 2 through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we boast in the hope of the glory of God. 3 Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4 perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5 And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us

Hebrews 12:2   
Looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God

      
      

Fighting To Stay In Peace

       On Friday I couldn't write, I couldn't think straight, my flesh and the spirit were at war and the crossfire was exhausting. I tried multiple times to write something, starting many post only to delete them, nothing seemed to work. I tried working on my novel, and my testimonial book, but they couldn't get my attention either, there was  just so much chaos in my soul I couldn't do anything but beg for peace. I knew the Lord was working though, I could feel the spirit moving I just had to try and focus on Him, but it wasn't easy. I pushed through, ignoring the mounting and ever loudening negativity of my mind, battling back against the lies and doubts and fears that were surfacing by doing everything I could to stay in the spirit, prayer, devotionals, reading the Word, and listening to worship music. I came home from work and watched sermons, and Christian films, anything I could to focus my mind above, and on higher things. I praised God through the torment in my mind, and eventually the Lord's peace won out.
       By evening I was once more at peace, my soul had been settled in the Lord's comfort, and despite being tired from all the mental stress of the day, I was happy and grateful to be free of my earlier turmoil. As I looked back on the day's struggle I knew it was all about the lesson. What lesson did I learn? It is in the spirit that we have the strength to overcome the flesh. It is in God we have strength, and in Him alone is there peace.
        I knew that was true before this experience, but Friday nailed that in for me. As I struggled through the day the only time I had peace or felt good at all was the time I spent with Him, but each time I let my focus off of Him the flood returned causing me again to feel chaotic, and to even lose my temper more than once. But then I would return to the efforts of focusing on Him and the chaos would flee. My whole day was like that until 7pm, the time I was set to stop fasting, after that I had peace the rest of the night, and rejoiced in it praising my King!
       I wanted to share this short testimony to remind everyone of what I was reminded of, our Lord is the Prince of Peace, and through Him all things are possible. We don't have to stay frustrated or confused we can seek Him and by drawing near Him the devil will flee. In His presence we can find clarity, direction, and comfort. Be blessed in the name of Yeshua.

Psalm 4:8   
In peace I will both lie down and sleep; for you alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety.

Isaiah 9:6-7

6 For to us a child is born,to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. 7 Of the greatness of his government and peace there will be no end. He will reign on David’s throne and over his kingdom, establishing and upholding it with justice and righteousness from that time on and forever. The zeal of the Lord Almighty will accomplish this

Isaiah 26:3   
You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you.

Romans 8:6    
For to set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace.

Honor Thy Father and Thy Mother

       When I was a teenager I was a mouthy little brat. I was disrespectful to my parents, I took them for granted and abused their love by not appreciating what I had in them.  Everything they said or did was wrong and unfair, and I was more than willing to voice my opinion about that, usually in a vulgar way. Before this though I had a really good relationship with my parents, I was daddy's princess and I told everyone he was the king, my mom was my best friend and I did all that I could to help her and make her happy. Before I became a teenager I adored my dad, and my mom was a superhero with all she did for us. But somehow, we went from that to almost every morning starting with a screaming match at 6am between me and my dad. Somehow I had gone from loving and adoring them to suddenly seeing them as oppressors, stifling my freedom and ruining my life.  Somehow I had started to resent my parents and I am not sure why, but I blame it on a few things hormones, bad influences in my choice of friends, pride, resentment, and not having yet discovered my morning attitude adjuster, coffee.
       During high school I had a lot of responsibility at home compared to most of the other kids I knew and went to school with, some of my friends joked about me being Cinderella because I was endlessly doing chores or attending to my sister. For this reason I was angry at my parents. I resented the responsibility they had given me, not realizing it was actually a sign of the trust they had in me or that it was a teaching tool for when I would someday have my own home. I wanted the freedom that most of the kids I knew had, freedom to go and do whatever, whenever, but my parents knew that wouldn't be good for me. They knew and understood from their past mistakes that in the long run that kind of life led to major problems, so out of their love for me, they gave me rules, boundaries, responsibilities, and corrected me when I rebelled. As an adult I now see that my parents raised me the way God instructed in Proverbs 22:6 "Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it." I understand now that they did what they did because it was best for me, and out of love. I understand now that each time I was corrected, and grounded that it was for my benefit, because correction comes from love not hate. Proverbs 13:24, says it this way "Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him." And I know this is love because Love Himself said in Revelation 3:19 "Those whom I love I rebuke and discipline. So be earnest and repent."
       Being blind and arrogant at 18 though I didn't see any of this then, and I moved out, still angry and blaming them for my misery. I moved out supporting myself with two, sometimes three jobs, a couple thousand dollars stashed away in a savings account and in with friends who encouraged my pity party and resentment towards my parent's. I thought that living with them, I would finally have the freedom I craved. But at 20 I moved back home broke, in debt, and humbled. Living with these friends didn't turn out to be the freedom I had hoped for. Instead, it was worse than living with my parents. They took no responsibility for the home or bills, never having been taught they didn't know how nor did they really want too, but I did know how so it fell on me. In less than two years times I had gone through my entire savings and my jobs still weren't enough to keep up with the bills, food, gas and debt I had incurred while trying to juggle all the responsibility in the home and keep up at college. My roommates were supposed to pay me back for the bills I paid and the gas I used in taking them everywhere, but rarely did they, often saying they already had paid me, when I knew they hadn't.
       Eventually, God stepped in and put Nick in my path. As I shared with him my struggles, my unhappiness in my roommates, my debt, why I was working three jobs while going to school fulltime, and my fears of returning home he helped me to see things differently, more clearly than I had in a while. He got me to realize that my parents had never been the problem, just my perception of my circumstances. He told me, as someone who grew up without a dad and with a mom who had a chronic illness most of his life, how lucky I was to have two parents. He made me see that while yes I had had a lot of responsibility when I was growing up, it had also prepared me for life and having my own home and family. As Nick helped point out the error of my ways my heart started to feel remorse. I started praying after that about what I should do next, I knew I needed to tell them how wrong I had been, and thank them for allowing me to move back home after all the grief I had given them but I was afraid and didn't know that I could say it to their faces. Eventually, I wrote them letter and left it on the coffee table for them to read.
         My parents showed me God's unconditional love at a time in my life when I didn't deserve it and welcomed me home without bitterness, or reminding me of how I had sinned against them and God. I won't lie and say that the letter fixed things, because it didn't, but it did help. My parents knew after that that I had seen the light, but it was the honor, respect, and love that I have shown since then that has healed the relationship and won back their trust and respect. As I started to apply God's commands to love others (John 15:17) and to honor our parents (Exodus 20:12) to my life; we healed together, and have all been moving closer to God as a family. The forgiveness my parents have shown me still blows me away, and I can really only credit God with that, I know that His hand was over us every step of the way. Repentance, forgiveness, faith and loving like God and through God has healed this wound and I hope that anyone reading this learns from what I've shared.
          I chose to write about this today because yesterday I ran into my mom and little sister at the mall. As we chatted my shameful behavior from the past came up somehow. I remembered my actions towards them well and what I did to earn back my parents respect, and show them how truly sorry and repentant I was. As we spoke and joked about my bad behavior as a teen I thought about my sister who is now 14, and my younger cousins, I thought about the young teens who read my post online and I wanted to share my story with them as a warning and a reminder. I wanted them see how God and my husband taught me once more to appreciate my parent's love, and how learning to love, respect and appreciate my parents again has healed the relationship I broke. I cannot go back and change the ways I wronged my parents by the disrespect I showed them, but if I could I would. I caused them and myself more misery than I will probably ever realize, but it doesn't have to be the same for someone else. You can start the process now of showing them the respect and honor they deserve. Remember, no one has perfect parent's, they are just people too, and they really aren't trying to ruin your life, they just want to keep you safe and on the right path. Be blessed today and everyday.

Exodus 20:12
“Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you"

Proverbs 20:20   
If one curses his father or his mother, his lamp will be put out in utter darkness.

 Proverbs 29:15   
The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother.   

Ephesians 6:1-3
1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 “Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise— 3 “so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.”

Colossians 3:20   
Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.          

Direction For the Journey

       This morning I sat down to type but only got frustrated. I couldn't focus, I felt like I was in chaos, but I tried my best to resist the flesh and not get upset about it. Instead I tried listening to worship music, reading a devotional with the twins I care for, and a lot of praying. I prayed most of the morning, but it didn't feel like enough. So, then I got out my prayer journal and began writing to God. I don't know why it is, but sometimes that's the easiest way for me to communicate, even with God. As I wrote out my problems and my praise, as I took my heart to the Lord peace started to settle on me, and I realized some of what had been causing me that chaotic feeling.
       This morning I re-shared a post that I had written a while back about how to know if you were in God's will or not. I didn't know it then but this post was something I needed reminded of. When Nick and I first saw the house we are buying in life and not just in pictures, we knew it was ours. I was confident of that, it felt right. But we had asked several people we trusted to pray with us for confirmation anyway, we didn't want to step out of God's will and felt the counsel of many would either re-affirm us or re-direct us. Almost everybody came back with the same words "it's a gift from the Lord" which was something that our agent had randomly said to me too at one point. One person contradicted that word, and I told them since I had had confirmation opposing what they said I would continue to seek the Lord on that, but precede as was until I knew for sure, not wanting to back out of deal without being certain, they seemed angry, but I felt sure that was the right thing to do.
           I continued to seek the Lord, and over and over again was given the same messages I had been receiving "It's a gift from the Lord" "You're walking into your inheritance," but this other person's words have been plaguing my mind and causing me to doubt. Everyday I have been seeking the Lord asking Him to settle things for me, as if He hadn't already been doing that. This morning the chaos felt like more than I could bare. I wanted to cry, I felt peace and chaos struggling inside and I just wanted to hear His voice so I knew with certainty and could let go of whatever was wrong. Suddenly I realized I had been focusing on the contradicting word instead of the confirmation I was receiving, and I allowed that doubt to steal my joy and praise, I allowed it to take my focus off what God was doing and began looking for signs that everything was going to fall apart. When I re-read my earlier post from today about discerning His voice, and peace in His purpose, I realized I had known the truth all along, I felt it from the start, but had let one voice cause me to doubt myself, the people I trusted, and the words I was receiving from God. I had allowed doubt to take root in my heart and it had led me into chaos. Now, I am again feeling confident, certain of our course and buying this house. I again feel settled and joyous as we move closer everyday to our closing date and I give God all the glory for that.
       I decided to share this struggle with you today because I think most of us have experienced this at some point. We receive a word, or a promised blessing, and as we wait, doubt sets in; much like Sarah and Abraham with their promise. Sometimes we let that doubt become bigger than the promise like I did and it causes inner chaos. All I can really say about that is, when it happens, seek the Lord but make sure you're listening too, make sure you are discerning, and make sure there is peace and confidence in your soul about what you are doing. The Lord will take you places you are uncomfortable with, He will ask you to do hard things, and it's natural to doubt, but He will also strengthen you as you go and He will give you confidence in your course and not let you journey alone. He is the lamp unto our feet, a light on our path, gently leading us towards an eternity in His awesome presence. Be blessed and confident brothers and sisters.

Psalm 27:3   
Though an army encamp against me, my heart shall not fear; though war arise against me, yet I will be confident.

Proverbs 14:26   
In the fear of the Lord one has strong confidence, and his children will have a refuge.

Romans 15:13   
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.

 Hebrews 10:35-36   
Therefore do not throw away your confidence, which has a great reward. For you have need of endurance, so that when you have done the will of God you may receive what is promised.

Share When you Fail

       Someone brought to attention yesterday something that I had noticed before too, this something has actually had a huge effect on why I write the way I do. What they mentioned was that many Christians writers don't talk about the struggle of choosing faith over flesh. Many will only write about what we be should doing, the laws and their success in it's fulfilment. Where in contrast I share with you my flesh response to the situations, and how with God's help the flesh can be overcome. I have shared with you my past and current failures. And honestly, I do this intentionally because of these other writers because of how I have felt reading those kinds of devotionals and post.
       Before I began writing this blog I spent a lot of time reading blogs and devotionals online, I still do read quite a bit but not as much as this takes up a good bit of my time to do. Sometimes when I would read these devotionals or blog post by others the way they were written would leave me feeling like less, that these people were so righteous and good that I would never please God because I couldn't compare. Instead of reading their post and being encouraged in the Lord, I was beaten down because my walk could never measure up to the standards of these people or what these others were doing. I'll be honest that I did often learn much about scriptures from these post, but I never felt like I could relate to the writer because they were too perfect. These post built my knowledge, but kept me afraid of the throne because I felt undeserving of approaching or serving Him.
       Then I started writing again, and at first I meant for this blog to be an outlet for introducing people to my books, but the Lord had other plans for my writing and took over without me being really aware. When I realized that after just a month or two my posts had moved away from me and my books, onto the Lord I began praying. I told God if this was what He wanted me to do, I would, but I wasn't going to hide my failings. I knew how that type of post had made me feel, and I really didn't see how I could point people to God or encourage their faith when I was un-relatable and not being honest about my thoughts and feelings.  Not long after that I started hearing lots of sermons on sharing our brokenness, on how by hiding our hurts and struggles we were actually doing damage to the church body and causing people to feel alienated, like something was wrong with them or their faith because they struggled, how it was this false ideal that has been portrayed of Christians having a blessed and perfect life that has caused many to turn and run when things get hard. This seemed like confirmation to me and so I have from that point tried to be as honest as I can while still protecting the privacy of my relatives and friends.
       I shared all of that to say, it is important to not be afraid to share when you fail. Don't be afraid to share your struggles. Don't hide the testimony God has given you through that struggle, because someone else needs to hear it or God wouldn't have given you that testimony. The Bible tells us to share in the burdens of our brothers ( Ecclesiastes 4:9-12, Galatians 6:2, Romans 15:1), to lift them up (1 Thessalonians 5:11, Hebrews 10:24-25, 1 Corinthians 14:26), but we can't do that when we are hiding behind a mask of false perfection. To help each other heal we must be willing to share the brokenness and how God sees us through, we must be willing to share our struggles against the flesh and how to resist in Jesus' name, and we need to pray for and with each other as we grow and persevere to produce the fruits of the spirit. We need to be willing to be seen for what we all are, a work in process, a lump of clay being formed in the Master Potter's hands. Be Blessed dear brothers and sisters.

Psalm 66:16    
Come and hear, all you who fear God, and I will tell what he has done for my soul

Psalm 71:15-18

15 My mouth will tell of your righteous deeds, of your saving acts all day long—though I know not how to relate them all. 16 I will come and proclaim your mighty acts, Sovereign Lord; I will proclaim your righteous deeds, yours alone. 17 Since my youth, God, you have taught me, and to this day I declare your marvelous deeds. 18 Even when I am old and gray, do not forsake me, my God, till I declare your power to the next generation, your mighty acts to all who are to come.

2 Corinthians 12:9    
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
 
2 Timothy 1:8-12
8 So do not be ashamed of the testimony about our Lord or of me his prisoner. Rather, join with me in suffering for the gospel, by the power of God. 9 He has saved us and called us to a holy life—not because of anything we have done but because of his own purpose and grace. This grace was given us in Christ Jesus before the beginning of time, 10 but it has now been revealed through the appearing of our Savior, Christ Jesus, who has destroyed death and has brought life and immortality to light through the gospel. 11 And of this gospel I was appointed a herald and an apostle and a teacher. 12 That is why I am suffering as I am. Yet this is no cause for shame, because I know whom I have believed, and am convinced that he is able to guard what I have entrusted to him until that day.

Choosing Faith Over Flesh

       One of the hardest things to do is to trust God when the circumstances aren't good, when what's happening doesn't make sense, when it is upsetting, or hurtful. When its seems like what is happening is unfair and at the worst possible time. It's hard in those moments to look at your circumstances and say "I know you wouldn't allow this to happen Lord if you didn't have a plan of how it would bring about glory in your name. This sucks and I'm upset, but I am going to trust you and press in even deeper." It's hard to say that, and harder to act on in those moments, but this is something I had to do yesterday.
      Before I go into what happened yesterday, let me give you some back story, as some of you may know my husband and I are in the process of buying a house, one that we are really blessed to be getting. The incident that occurred yesterday did not directly relate to the house, but it could have caused us to not be able to afford to purchase it had I not caught this situation right away and decided to take action. This same thing has been happening 1-3 times a year for the last 6 or 7 years, each time setting me back anywhere from $20-$300, once its all said and done between the money that was lost and the bank fees from bounced checks.  What I saw happening prior to theses fees was some strange transitions would start showing up on my bank account when I checked my monthly statements or on the mobile app, often on the app the transactions disappeared the next day, only to reappear after my account was overdrawn. Each time this has happened I have gone to the bank with my transaction book, I would be angry and upset, as anyone would, and I would try to talk to someone at the bank to get help and figure out what happened. By the end of my conversation with them I would usually end up just chalking the whole thing up to, "oh I must have forgotten to write that down," and move on. Then I would accept the bank's penalties fees for being overdrawn, believing it must have been my own mistake.
        Probably about two months ago I noticed it happening again. I reported it to the bank, switched debit cards, and thought everything would be fine after that. I thought since I changed my card it would finally stop, I knew with certainty it wasn't a matter of me needing to pay attention, because I am now extremely careful. Then yesterday, when I signed into my account to balance my checkbook, it had happened again. This time, the charges added up to over $120 in purchases in one weekend that I knew for certain I had not made. This obviously left me very upset, I had written out two very large checks just that day, one for my rent and one for a ride-on lawn mower that my friend was picking up for us from an auction. Either one of these going through after the charges appeared yesterday would have set us back in a huge way. Not only because of the $120 that went missing but the fees from these other checks that would have then bounced causing more fees, all of this could have had devastating effect to our buying this home.
       I won't lie when I saw this I  was angry, I was furious! I wanted to scream and shout "Why? Why do you keep allowing this to happen every time I get a little ahead? I'm so careful now Lord!" but as I sat staring at my account, grieved by what I saw and its possible ramifications, as I began to question the Lord as to why He keeps allowing this to happen I realized what I needed to do. Instead of sitting there feeling sorry for myself, instead of calling Him into question, I needed to trust Him, and His plans. I needed to trust that somehow this could be used for His glory. I needed to realize that there is nothing the enemy can take, that God can't or wouldn't restore. I needed to realize my provision is not in those bank account balances but in the Lord, and also I needed to realize now that I knew without doubt that something fishy was happening with my account I needed to take the right action to stop this from happening again. As I prayed on this revelation of how I should respond the Lord settled my heart and squelched my anger. As I began trusting that God somehow could use this situation, that despite what things looked like at the moment that we would prevail through the circumstances because of the Lord with us, I was able to calmly decide with my husband how we should handle things, and precede from there.
       I wanted to share with you what happened yesterday, not because everything is all better now, because honestly, I don't quite know financially how things really stand at the moment, but because even in the bad stuff God is good. Yesterday in my moment of need, in my moment where I was giving into the flesh, God showed up and said to trust Him. Yesterday when rage tried to win and steal my joy, God reminded me that His plans always prevail. Yesterday when I wanted to curse and be vulgar in my wrath, God quieted my soul and told me to be still, that He would make everything right again if only I choose faith over the flesh. I don't know what is going to happen now to be honest, I know we will still be okay to buy the house with help from my folks, but I don't know if this will happen again after I switch banks, but today I am choosing faith over fear and trusting God. Be blessed.

Joshua 21:45
Not one of the good promises which the LORD had made to the house of Israel failed; all came to pass.

Isaiah 41:10    
Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Matthew 6:25-27
25 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?

1 Corinthians 10:13    
No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.