One of the hardest things to do is to trust God when the circumstances aren't good, when what's happening doesn't make sense, when it is upsetting, or hurtful. When its seems like what is happening is unfair and at the worst possible time. It's hard in those moments to look at your circumstances and say "I know you wouldn't allow this to happen Lord if you didn't have a plan of how it would bring about glory in your name. This sucks and I'm upset, but I am going to trust you and press in even deeper." It's hard to say that, and harder to act on in those moments, but this is something I had to do yesterday.
Before I go into what happened yesterday, let me give you some back story, as some of you may know my husband and I are in the process of buying a house, one that we are really blessed to be getting. The incident that occurred yesterday did not directly relate to the house, but it could have caused us to not be able to afford to purchase it had I not caught this situation right away and decided to take action. This same thing has been happening 1-3 times a year for the last 6 or 7 years, each time setting me back anywhere from $20-$300, once its all said and done between the money that was lost and the bank fees from bounced checks. What I saw happening prior to theses fees was some strange transitions would start showing up on my bank account when I checked my monthly statements or on the mobile app, often on the app the transactions disappeared the next day, only to reappear after my account was overdrawn. Each time this has happened I have gone to the bank with my transaction book, I would be angry and upset, as anyone would, and I would try to talk to someone at the bank to get help and figure out what happened. By the end of my conversation with them I would usually end up just chalking the whole thing up to, "oh I must have forgotten to write that down," and move on. Then I would accept the bank's penalties fees for being overdrawn, believing it must have been my own mistake.
Probably about two months ago I noticed it happening again. I reported it to the bank, switched debit cards, and thought everything would be fine after that. I thought since I changed my card it would finally stop, I knew with certainty it wasn't a matter of me needing to pay attention, because I am now extremely careful. Then yesterday, when I signed into my account to balance my checkbook, it had happened again. This time, the charges added up to over $120 in purchases in one weekend that I knew for certain I had not made. This obviously left me very upset, I had written out two very large checks just that day, one for my rent and one for a ride-on lawn mower that my friend was picking up for us from an auction. Either one of these going through after the charges appeared yesterday would have set us back in a huge way. Not only because of the $120 that went missing but the fees from these other checks that would have then bounced causing more fees, all of this could have had devastating effect to our buying this home.
I won't lie when I saw this I was angry, I was furious! I wanted to scream and shout "Why? Why do you keep allowing this to happen every time I get a little ahead? I'm so careful now Lord!" but as I sat staring at my account, grieved by what I saw and its possible ramifications, as I began to question the Lord as to why He keeps allowing this to happen I realized what I needed to do. Instead of sitting there feeling sorry for myself, instead of calling Him into question, I needed to trust Him, and His plans. I needed to trust that somehow this could be used for His glory. I needed to realize that there is nothing the enemy can take, that God can't or wouldn't restore. I needed to realize my provision is not in those bank account balances but in the Lord, and also I needed to realize now that I knew without doubt that something fishy was happening with my account I needed to take the right action to stop this from happening again. As I prayed on this revelation of how I should respond the Lord settled my heart and squelched my anger. As I began trusting that God somehow could use this situation, that despite what things looked like at the moment that we would prevail through the circumstances because of the Lord with us, I was able to calmly decide with my husband how we should handle things, and precede from there.
I wanted to share with you what happened yesterday, not because everything is all better now, because honestly, I don't quite know financially how things really stand at the moment, but because even in the bad stuff God is good. Yesterday in my moment of need, in my moment where I was giving into the flesh, God showed up and said to trust Him. Yesterday when rage tried to win and steal my joy, God reminded me that His plans always prevail. Yesterday when I wanted to curse and be vulgar in my wrath, God quieted my soul and told me to be still, that He would make everything right again if only I choose faith over the flesh. I don't know what is going to happen now to be honest, I know we will still be okay to buy the house with help from my folks, but I don't know if this will happen again after I switch banks, but today I am choosing faith over fear and trusting God. Be blessed.
Joshua 21:45
Not one of the good promises which the LORD had made to the house of Israel failed; all came to pass.
Isaiah 41:10
Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
Matthew 6:25-27
25 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?
1 Corinthians 10:13
No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.
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