When I was a teenager I was a mouthy little brat. I was disrespectful to my parents, I took them for granted and abused their love by not appreciating what I had in them. Everything they said or did was wrong and unfair, and I was more than willing to voice my opinion about that, usually in a vulgar way. Before this though I had a really good relationship with my parents, I was daddy's princess and I told everyone he was the king, my mom was my best friend and I did all that I could to help her and make her happy. Before I became a teenager I adored my dad, and my mom was a superhero with all she did for us. But somehow, we went from that to almost every morning starting with a screaming match at 6am between me and my dad. Somehow I had gone from loving and adoring them to suddenly seeing them as oppressors, stifling my freedom and ruining my life. Somehow I had started to resent my parents and I am not sure why, but I blame it on a few things hormones, bad influences in my choice of friends, pride, resentment, and not having yet discovered my morning attitude adjuster, coffee.
During high school I had a lot of responsibility at home compared to most of the other kids I knew and went to school with, some of my friends joked about me being Cinderella because I was endlessly doing chores or attending to my sister. For this reason I was angry at my parents. I resented the responsibility they had given me, not realizing it was actually a sign of the trust they had in me or that it was a teaching tool for when I would someday have my own home. I wanted the freedom that most of the kids I knew had, freedom to go and do whatever, whenever, but my parents knew that wouldn't be good for me. They knew and understood from their past mistakes that in the long run that kind of life led to major problems, so out of their love for me, they gave me rules, boundaries, responsibilities, and corrected me when I rebelled. As an adult I now see that my parents raised me the way God instructed in Proverbs 22:6 "Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it." I understand now that they did what they did because it was best for me, and out of love. I understand now that each time I was corrected, and grounded that it was for my benefit, because correction comes from love not hate. Proverbs 13:24, says it this way "Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him." And I know this is love because Love Himself said in Revelation 3:19 "Those whom I love I rebuke and discipline. So be earnest and repent."
Being blind and arrogant at 18 though I didn't see any of this then, and I moved out, still angry and blaming them for my misery. I moved out supporting myself with two, sometimes three jobs, a couple thousand dollars stashed away in a savings account and in with friends who encouraged my pity party and resentment towards my parent's. I thought that living with them, I would finally have the freedom I craved. But at 20 I moved back home broke, in debt, and humbled. Living with these friends didn't turn out to be the freedom I had hoped for. Instead, it was worse than living with my parents. They took no responsibility for the home or bills, never having been taught they didn't know how nor did they really want too, but I did know how so it fell on me. In less than two years times I had gone through my entire savings and my jobs still weren't enough to keep up with the bills, food, gas and debt I had incurred while trying to juggle all the responsibility in the home and keep up at college. My roommates were supposed to pay me back for the bills I paid and the gas I used in taking them everywhere, but rarely did they, often saying they already had paid me, when I knew they hadn't.
Eventually, God stepped in and put Nick in my path. As I shared with him my struggles, my unhappiness in my roommates, my debt, why I was working three jobs while going to school fulltime, and my fears of returning home he helped me to see things differently, more clearly than I had in a while. He got me to realize that my parents had never been the problem, just my perception of my circumstances. He told me, as someone who grew up without a dad and with a mom who had a chronic illness most of his life, how lucky I was to have two parents. He made me see that while yes I had had a lot of responsibility when I was growing up, it had also prepared me for life and having my own home and family. As Nick helped point out the error of my ways my heart started to feel remorse. I started praying after that about what I should do next, I knew I needed to tell them how wrong I had been, and thank them for allowing me to move back home after all the grief I had given them but I was afraid and didn't know that I could say it to their faces. Eventually, I wrote them letter and left it on the coffee table for them to read.
My parents showed me God's unconditional love at a time in my life when I didn't deserve it and welcomed me home without bitterness, or reminding me of how I had sinned against them and God. I won't lie and say that the letter fixed things, because it didn't, but it did help. My parents knew after that that I had seen the light, but it was the honor, respect, and love that I have shown since then that has healed the relationship and won back their trust and respect. As I started to apply God's commands to love others (John 15:17) and to honor our parents (Exodus 20:12) to my life; we healed together, and have all been moving closer to God as a family. The forgiveness my parents have shown me still blows me away, and I can really only credit God with that, I know that His hand was over us every step of the way. Repentance, forgiveness, faith and loving like God and through God has healed this wound and I hope that anyone reading this learns from what I've shared.
I chose to write about this today because yesterday I ran into my mom and little sister at the mall. As we chatted my shameful behavior from the past came up somehow. I remembered my actions towards them well and what I did to earn back my parents respect, and show them how truly sorry and repentant I was. As we spoke and joked about my bad behavior as a teen I thought about my sister who is now 14, and my younger cousins, I thought about the young teens who read my post online and I wanted to share my story with them as a warning and a reminder. I wanted them see how God and my husband taught me once more to appreciate my parent's love, and how learning to love, respect and appreciate my parents again has healed the relationship I broke. I cannot go back and change the ways I wronged my parents by the disrespect I showed them, but if I could I would. I caused them and myself more misery than I will probably ever realize, but it doesn't have to be the same for someone else. You can start the process now of showing them the respect and honor they deserve. Remember, no one has perfect parent's, they are just people too, and they really aren't trying to ruin your life, they just want to keep you safe and on the right path. Be blessed today and everyday.
Exodus 20:12
“Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you"
Proverbs 20:20
If one curses his father or his mother, his lamp will be put out in utter darkness.
Proverbs 29:15
The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother.
Ephesians 6:1-3
1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 “Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise— 3 “so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.”
Colossians 3:20
Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.
No comments:
Post a Comment