Yesterday I was in a really bad mood all day, I have had a lot on my mind lately and I have been struggling to hold onto to hope. Yesterday felt like it was a breaking point for me, I was ready to give up, I felt like I couldn't go on or take anymore. I didn't give up though, instead I prayed, and prayed with all my heart giving all my hurt to my Father. I called family, and spoke to some friends online. It didn't really improve my mood at all though, which is honestly probably my own fault, but it did still change my way of thinking, as well as my attitude and approach to today.
As I spoke to my friends I realized that giving up wasn't really an option, if I give up on these situations nothing changes, I'd still have the same unfulfilled desire in my heart, and still have the same heartbreak, the only way to change those things is to persist through the struggle, to keep trying and trusting God. But talking to my friends isn't the only way God reminded me of this. It seemed that every time I read from the Bible yesterday, verses confirmed what the spirit led me to in conversation with others, and I saw the same exact post, posted by 3 different people that said 'Even when you don't see a change, know that God is working for you,' then this morning my dad said that same thing to me again when we were on the phone, talk about confirmation!
Yesterday I decided to stop pray for resolution to the struggle, and instead I prayed for hope so I can endure through it, I prayed God would comfort me in the struggle because I know that as hard as it is right now for me, He will use this suffering and heartbreak for something, maybe to comfort someone else someday. I believe that if I had continued to pray for resolution God would have heard me and I know He already has, but I also know that there is a purpose for all the pain in my heart right now and I believe it is better to serve God's purpose in my suffering, than serve myself in pleasure. I don't know if that makes sense to anyone, but it's a perspective I developed over this last 30 hours.
One of the really amazing things about all this to me is the change in my mood after making that decision, it's like Satan has fled. All the hopelessness, anger, and resentment I felt yesterday is gone, along with the confusion and anguish over what to do next. My heart is still heavy, but I'm hopeful today. I feel like breakthrough is on it way, I feel like the worst of the struggle is about to end. And most importantly, I have been reassured that my Father is with me and is seeing me through to the end, so long as I have that knowledge, I know that's all I really need, because if God is with me who can stand against me?
Romans 5:1-21
Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.
Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.
Philippians 4:13
I can do all this through him who gives me strength.
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