Right before I got married I picked up a book about Christian marriage and when we put it into practice in our relationship it had amazing results on our marriage! My husband and I had a good relationship to begin with but with these principles integrated into our marriage we have been able to go years without fighting! And we have both been able to get satisfication beyond what we thought possible in a marriage.
The first thing I would like to share is that you need God to make your marriage one of success and happiness, and by success I mean lasting. God's examples of love, mercy, understanding, and compassion need to be expressed by you towards your partner everyday, even when you're angry with them. We need to follow the example of His unconditional love for us if we are to truly love our spouse. It's not an easy choice to do this, and sometimes you won't want to, but marriage is a vow, a promise that you and your partner made before God, and God wants you to fulfill it. If you allow the Father to help you do this and make the decision to love your partner when it's not easy you will see your relationship flourish.
Second, yes you are your own person, you have your own thoughts and feelings; but the moment you took those vows you also became a reflection on your spouse. How people see you will have an impact on how they will see your partner, this is because your vows have tied you together. For example if you go around looking shabby all the time it makes you both look bad. So, in all that you strive to be a positive representation of Christ and this will reflect well on both of you.
The third thing is marriage is not about you! Believe it or not but when you stop waking up everyday and demanding things of your partner to make you happy and instead work on making them happy it'll work to your benefit! A happy partner will want to repay you, they will want to make you as happy as they are! For example I leave notes every morning for my husband to encourage him, he appreciates this and misses them if I happen to miss a morning. In turn for showing him encouragement he tries hard, and typically succeeds, at helping me to unwind and relax which is something I'm not good at on my own.
One last bit of advice I'll share is don't react in the moment when you are upset. Emotions are fickle things and just because you are mad right at this minute because you've told them ten times not to leave their dirty socks laying around doesn't mean you need to yell. Instead try talking calmly through your frustration. Take a deep breath and tell your partner how you feel and why, for example "Could you please do better in the future with putting your dirty clothes away? It's really frustrating to me when I see them laying on the ground even though the hamper is right there." Remember when you're angry or frustrated over these things that, more often than not they aren't intentionally doing things to hurt you or to upset you. Typically, its just that they didn't think their actions through or just weren't paying attention. With that in mind if you can calmly bring the issue to their attention and explain why it bothers you it gives them a chance to see things from your side and from my experience that's often enough for them to understand and try harder. I should mention before I go on, this is a two way street, you want them to listen and understand, so you must do the same for them!
I can't promise these tips will work 100% of the time for every couple, but I can say in over six years we haven't had an argument while using these tips. We do disagree, but we talk it out, we get hurt, but we work it out. These tips coupled with a desire to serve the Lord and see our marriage thrive has allowed us to live together with no resentment or anger towards each other and still resolve any issues that have come up!
Ephesians 5:25-33
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body. 31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
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