Monday, December 29, 2014

Never Measure Up

       Brokenness, my heart is focused on brokenness this morning. And I am focused on it because I'm not perfect, and I think that's what people have been responding to in my writing. I share with you my struggles as I come to understand God, and learn to humble myself to His Sovereign will. I share the lessons He gives me, and obey when He asks me to reach out specifically on a subject, usually teaching myself something in the process. I try to share a lot about God's redemption and how He can give you strength and answer prayers. I write a lot on, staying in prayer even when it's hard. I write a lot on turning to Jesus and always reading the Bible for yourself and not just taking someone's word that its what the Bible says. But I want to address brokenness today, specifically can you be broken and still serve God?
       And the answer has to be yes, because we are all broken in some way, not one of us is walking in perfect righteousness. I'm not saying that it's an excuse to sin, what I'm saying is we can love God with all of our hearts, we can even allow that love to lead us to glorify Him and turn away from sin, but we will still fall, because we are not perfect in our flesh. This is something struggle with though because I feel that I am not good enough to serve God sometimes, I feel sometimes that I so sinned and so flawed I should just stop what I am doing and quit. Sometimes I get focused on looking at myself and the thousand little ways I give into my flesh, the sins I am praying to be delivered of, and still are failing to overcome. I look at that stuff and I hate it, I wonder why it can't be as easy as quitting smoking was for me, why can't I just tell myself I don't need to do it and stop. I hate it, I don't want it in my life, but I continually give into the temptations. This thought pattern leaves me feeling really broken, and condemned.
       Lately, I have been feeling like I will never measure up to God's expectations for me, that I will never be holy enough, and that I will never be permitted into heaven because even after accepting Jesus as my savior I still struggle to be free of certain sins. Then yesterday, I watched a Christian film that reminded of something I had forgotten as I had occupied myself with beating myself up instead of looking at what God was asking me to do. Jesus has allowed us grace and mercy in abundance if our hearts are truly His. Jesus knows my heart and that I love Him, and I know He is helping me to overcome these things, something's just take more time, and sometimes God gives us that thorn to stay humble like He did with Paul, and to keep us from exalting our own righteousness instead of God's.
       Nothing I wrote here today is an excuse to sin though, none of this an excuse to knowingly, willfully, intentionally sin and just choose to say it's okay because Jesus loves me. Because that's not how it works, grace is not a free pass to sin, you have to give Him your heart to receive grace and if He has your heart sin will hurt you, and you won't want to do it. Mostly my point is this, we are all broken, we all fail, we all stumble and give into temptations, but when we come to the throne seeking mercy with a heart that truly breaks because of the hurt you caused the Father, He is quick to show mercy and forgiveness, no matter how many times you may stumble.

Lamentations 3:22-23        
The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.

Joel 2:12-13
“Even now,” declares the Lord, “return to me with all your heart, with fasting and weeping and mourning.” Rend your heart and not your garments. Return to the Lord your God, for he is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love, and he relents from sending calamity.   
Hebrews 4:16        
Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.

1 John 1:9        
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.          

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