Healing and Honesty

       Healing and honesty may not look like they go to together at first glance, but when you are talking about emotional healing the two go hand in hand. Being honest isn't always easy though, sometimes it means you are going to hurt someone's feelings, and that's a hard thing to think about let alone actually do. I'm learning though that when you are not honest about things it leads to hurt too. Often times keeping that secret, or defending that lie will cause you to lie more or avoid the person you have been dishonest to, creating further distance and secrecy in the relationship, both of which can lead to it's total destruction. Sometimes the destruction comes when the truth and your dishonesty are revealed, you lose their trust and often them. Other times the distance becomes so great, that eventually you fade from each others lives, leaving you both with an empty hole in your heart because there isn't closure.
       Honesty has been a big thing with me for a long time, my group of friends and ex-boyfriend in college constantly lied to me. Eventually, I couldn't trust them anymore, and then I didn't want to be around them anymore. This taught me that it was important to have people in my life to be honest with and who were honest with me. Now my lesson in honesty is going a step further. In this year that just passed God taught me that the means to healing relationships is to be honest in them, even if it means hurting someone momentarily.
       I know that it seems strange to think that hurting someone can actually bring healing but that's the truth I'm learning. For a long while there had been distance between my mom and I. She used to be my best friend. But something happened about four ago that changed that. I'm not going to go into too much detail here because it's a family matter. But pretty much what happened was this, I was asked to be part of a very special occasion, but one of the two people involved with that occasion really didn't want me to be part of it, they hounded me for 3 days to step out and did everything they could to make me believe it was going to awful for me. I really wanted to be part of it, but they were persistent and since the occasion was really all about them I relented, and to spare this family member from any harshness from the rest of the family I took the blame. I had no idea then, that they had intended to blame me the whole time, or that they had orchestrated the whole thing.
       It immediately caused a firestorm in my family, my mom called me angrier than she had ever been at me, I still can't think of the harsh things she said without crying. I never defended myself, though. I let my mom and the rest of the family believe the lies about me; thinking it was better than telling the truth and breaking my word. I learned eventually the truth of the whole situation, and then I learned to stay out of my manipulative family members way, to avoid them, but that also meant avoiding time with the rest of my family on that side as well. As years went by the tension between my mom and I grew, the distance grew, and her feelings about me and my preserved attitude towards the family grew.
       To my mother it appeared that after I met my husband I had decided that I was too good for my family, she became angrier and more hurt, but said nothing to me about it. Then recently, a few months ago actually, my mom and were talking on the phone, I had been praying to God for healing in my relationship with her, and during this conversation all my moms hurt and anger came rolling out in the form of accusations. I couldn't take it anymore. I blew up and told her everything, including how deeply she had hurt me. Everything that we had bottled up for the last four years came out. The first couple of minutes were really hard. It hurt to find out how she felt, and she was hurt to realize how much pain she had caused me. But after the truth came out, the whole truth, we were able to start healing, able to start rebuilding our relationship. It's still not what it was, but its so much better, and still improving.
       I learned from all of this that healing can't begin until there's honesty, even if it hurts. The hurt will pass, and forgiveness will cover it as the relationship is healed and restored. I know my prayers for the relationship with my mom to be restored is happening right now, and I'm thankful to God for helping to bring it all about, and the lesson he taught me in honesty.

Proverbs 16:28        
A dishonest man spreads strife, and a whisperer separates close friends.

Proverbs 28:13        
Whoever conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy.

John 8:32        
And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”

Ephesians 4:25        
Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another.