Self-Condemnation

       Something I have been struggling with for along while is self-condemnation. I read the Bible and I look at the laws that God has given us, and read where Jesus's says that those who love Him will keep His commands (John 14:15 & 21), and I understand that God has provided us grace, mercy, and forgiveness through Jesus to cover us when we fail. But oftentimes, I still think that I am not worthy, that I don't deserve it, that I am so sinned, so flawed, and so weak in the flesh that I can never really serve or please the God I love. Sometimes I read post by a wonderful Godly woman here on G+ whose heart for God's laws and His word astounds me, and it is often that when I read her post about these things that the spirit of condemnation attacks me the most. Her understanding is way beyond my own, and her zeal is a true gift, and when I read her post explaining that we are called to live a righteous life, I feel so down. This is not her fault obviously, but a spiritual issue in myself.
       Oftentimes, I look at my life and myself and I see all the ways I am failing and giving into flesh desires, usually the same ones repeatedly. Then, I worry that I will be separated from God by my shortcomings, until the point I am lost eternally because our Holy God can stand no sin in His presence. This feeling of inadequacy, of self-condemnation, has been a burden, and one that honestly, at a certain point, made me start to question if I should continue to write in this blog. As the condemnation grew stronger I started to hear that little voice of doubt that we all experience from time to time, it said 'How can you teach others about Jesus with those dirty sins in your life, what if the readers found out how sinful you are? How could you serve Jesus then? You are so unrighteous compared to so and so, they're getting it, they purged that sin, but you, you will always give in because you don't love God enough and you are weak.'
         This went on for several months, then around news years day of this year, I started to feel the spirit of condemnation lifting from me, not that it is gone, that mean little voice is still there chirping at me, but it's lessening now as my Spirit is answering back and boldly declaring, 'I am weak, but my God is strong! I have sinned, but my God is righteous and making me new in His righteousness! I may still sin but God is teaching me better ways, I am not perfect now, but God is refining me! I may fail in my attempts today to conquer my flesh, but God is strengthening me to do better in the future!' I know that there is no excuse to sin, and no free pass to sin in Christ, we are to forsake the world and follow Him, but we can't forget that there is also grace when we are trying and failing, there is mercy when we go to Him asking for help and forgiveness. And that's something God has been reminding me of lately. I may be struggling to live the holy and righteous life we called to in Christ, I may be slow to give up certain things, or back away from them, but my heart is focused on serving God and pleasing Him, and I know He will continue to guide me in His ways.    

Psalm 34:21-22         
Affliction will slay the wicked, and those who hate the righteous will be condemned. The Lord redeems the life of his servants; none of those who take refuge in him will be condemned.

Psalm 40:11-12        
As for you, O Lord, you will not restrain your mercy from me; your steadfast love and your faithfulness will ever preserve me! For evils have encompassed me beyond number; my iniquities have overtaken me, and I cannot see; they are more than the hairs of my head; my heart fails me.

John 3:17
For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him.
            
Romans 8:1-4
Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death. For what the law was powerless to do because it was weakened by the flesh, God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh to be a sin offering. And so he condemned sin in the flesh, in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fully met in us, who do not live according to the flesh but according to the Spirit.