It's quiet right now as the three little ones I nanny for are sleeping, but I'm not relaxing or enjoying it. I'm thinking about when I leave, when I can no longer see their smiling little faces everyday and it's breaking my heart. It's probably just those pregnancy hormones getting to me mixed with anxiety over the application I put in yesterday, but regardless of the cause, here I sit watching them on the monitor knowing I will miss them and crying.
I have worked for this family for over two years and they have been a huge blessing in my life, I can honestly say they are the best employers I have ever worked for. Right away I felt like the position with them was a blessing from God and I have worked everyday grateful for what I had, but now this chapter is ending and God is taking me somewhere new, where I have no clue as of yet. I have loved these children like my own, but I always knew this time would come, and after ten years in childcare it hasn't gotten any easier.
I'll have this job for a while still, no official date has been set as they have just started the search for a new nanny and I have just started recently looking for a stay at home type job, but I can't help feeling sad over this chapter closing, especially with the future being so uncertain. Even so, I'm not afraid. I actually keep thinking of this silly picture of Jesus I see on Google and Facebook sometimes. In this picture Jesus is knelt before a little girl who is crying and clutching a teddy bear, and He is asking her to hand Him the bear but she's afraid to let go, unbeknownst to her Jesus has a bigger bear He wants to give her hidden behind His back. This is kind of what I see as going on now. I have a great teddy bear, but God has an even greater teddy bear for me, I just have to trust Him and let go when He tells me too.
I may be mourning what I'll lose when I leave here, but in truth I really believe things are going to work out wonderfully for my employers and myself. I really believe God has big and wonderful plans for me when this ends that include getting to stay home and be a mother to the little life growing inside me. I really believe my employers will find another amazing nanny, one better than myself who they will grow to trust and like just as they did with me, someone who will love their children just as much as I do.
Seasons of transition can be hard and very emotional like the one I'm in the middle of now, but God's hand is over me, He is guiding me and leading me through this season and that is what I must rely on. He is the light that will lead me through to whatever is waiting on me next, and today despite a heavy heart knowing that the end is approaching I'm actually grateful. Grateful for the time I spent here and grateful for whatever is in store next. May Yahweh bless you my family.
Psalm 16:11
You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore
Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.
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