When I was a little girl my daddy always called me princess, and I would frequently tell people that Elvis wasn't the King my daddy was, and I really believed that. I wasn't wealthy, we didn't live in a big or grand house but I felt like a princess. I didn't get my way all the time, my parents disciplined me, they expected me to obey and be respectful, but I still felt like a princess. I was deeply loved by my parents and smothered with affection, I didn't have a care in the world because I knew my parents would provide for me all that I needed, even if I didn't always get what I wanted. Then I went to school and the image and feeling I had about myself being a princess was quickly destroyed by my peers.
Soon I saw myself as worthless, fat, unlikable, undeserving of affection, and a nuisance just by existing. I was no longer a princess, I was trash, not worth anything and with no purpose other than to be kicked around by others. This perception of myself, this lack of self worth infected every part of my life, leaving me bitter, angry, depressed, and broken inside. Eventually I hated my parents and felt the need to rebel against them despite the love, support, protection and affection they had always shown me. Really I think I hated myself and just took it out on them.
Then I started going to church and became a youth leader, but if I'm honest my perception of myself hadn't changed and in truth I was just trying to earn salvation. I wanted to be redeemed, I wanted to know the Lord and get free from the anxiety, depression and suicidal thoughts that plagued me and I thought if I could help teens younger than myself form that relationship maybe God would take pity on me. This however is not the way it works, and I must say I was actually a poor youth leader, I quickly got wrapped up in trying to get the kids to like me and didn't serve them the way that I should have. The one good thing that came from this experience though was a sermon that felt like the Pastor was speaking right to me. It was the first time I really heard what it meant to be a Christian, that we were to die to sin and live in Yeshua. For the first time I realized I couldn't have both and I would have to sacrifice one. For the first time I realized to get rid of my shame and be free of my self perception I would have to change, but I wasn't ready then.
It would be about 4-5 more years before I could finally hand it all to God and let go of my former life completely, it would take an emotional breakdown that nearly cost me my job and sent me to a therapist before I could finally realize my way would never work. But even through all this my self-image was still badly distorted. Though I began to like myself better and to have a genuine relationship with the Father I still didn't believe in my heart of hearts that I was worthy of being His daughter. I still felt that no matter what my past would forever keep me from being the princess I once was. I would tell myself and pray all the time that just being a servant to the King was enough, that if I could just serve Him and help others I could be satisfied, and this was true for me but God wanted to give me back the perception of myself I had lost, He wanted more for me.
Over the last two years God placed a very special friend in my life who would remind me often that to God I was a princess, His princess. Anytime I got too low or worried she would remind me that I was the daughter of a King, and not just any King the King, the daughter of a God who is the creator of the whole earth and that His word says that I am fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14). And soon I saw myself in the story of the prodigal(Luke 15:11-32), resigned and satisfied with the idea of being a servant in my Father's household because I thought that was what I deserved for my wild and wicked ways, but that my Father in His great love and mercy sought to restore me to my place of honor at His table, to forget my sins and love me back into the fold with welcoming arms and celebration. Because of this understanding I started to see that I did have worth, I was more than my past and I really was loved. I started to have confidence again and now proudly tell anyone who will listen that my Daddy is the King again because I know I am a princess in His court, a daughter loved and valued, redeemed from the field where I had fed the pigs.
Today my heart is to let everyone know that God loves them deeply and longs to restore you to His kingdom, to your rightful place as an heir through Jesus (Galatians 3:29: Romans 8:17). Today I want anyone who is the in the field feeding the pigs to know that your Father will take you back, give you a new robe and ring, and restore your value to you. Brothers and sisters, today please know that you have value, please know you are loved, and that you have worth, and are worthy. Know that God can and does forgive when we approach Him humbly with a heart of repentance. Be blessed today and always my dear family.
Jeremiah 31:3
The Lord appeared to him from far away. I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore I have continued my faithfulness to you.
Zephaniah 3:17
The Lord your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing.
Ephesians 1:5-6
He predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will, to the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in the Beloved.
Galatians 4:7
So you are no longer a slave, but God's child; and since you are his child, God has made you also an heir
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