Struggling with Loss

       Yesterday I woke up happy, I knew my grandfather was in the hospital but when I had left him the night before his vitals had all been steadily improving. I believed he would be home in a few days and was relieved. I went about my morning routine as usual, shower, coffee, bible study, then a note to my husband, mid way thru the note I decided to check my Facebook feed and see if there was anything interesting to comment about in my note to him, there was but I didn't write it down. Instead I started shouting for him still in disbelief at the repeated post I saw that said 'rest in peace pappy.' I immediately called my dad and begged him to tell me it was wrong, that it wasn't true, after all he had been improving when I left the hospital. My dad confirmed that what my cousins had posted was true and my heart shattered.
        I have always looked up to my grandparents on both sides of my family, and been very close to them having spent parts of my childhood living with each of them. Four years ago I lost my mother's father, and that was very hard on me, I had a lot of emotions about his passing. I have spent the years since trying to value the time I had with my remaining grandfather by letting him know how much I cared about him, visiting with him, and taking joy at the pride I would see in his face when I came around, pride that hadn't always been there.
        So, since his passing yesterday, I have struggled a lot emotionally, I have withdrawn into myself. I don't want people around, I don't want to talk. I just want to be alone with my memories, my emotions and God. I know I can't hide from the world forever so I forced myself to go to work today, but really I want to hide. I want to hide until the pain stops. I want to hide until I wake up and feel stronger.  I want to hide until it's easier and things don't feel so raw. I want to be selfish right now, to focus on me and my healing. I want one more moment with my grandfather....
         My heart is breaking today, but I know my grandfather is at peace and I try to take comfort in that. My heart is devastated by his loss, but I know that the pain that he has endured for so many years has finally ended for him and I try to focus on that, to find some joy or happiness in that thought. I know for me it'll be many years before I see him again, but that my grandfather had salvation I'm sure of and I do rejoice in that knowing I will see him again. It's painful to say goodbye, he was a good man that we loved very very much, but I know in God I can find comfort and peace for my brokenness today. In Jesus I have a friend who knows exactly how to heal my broken heart. In time I'll be myself again, and until then, God Bless you.

Psalm 116:15   
Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his saints

Matthew 5:4   
“Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted."

John 3:16   
“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life

Revelation 21:4
He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.”