Choosing to Love

     Even in hurt and anger we can choose to be loving. It's not the easy choice, it's hard to love someone else when you're hurting but it is the choice that will build you. It will make you stronger and in the end make your relationship stronger too. It's the choice of sacrifice because to do it, you have to forgive the person and look past your own pain to be understanding of them.
      Lately, I've had a hard time with this. I am not proud of myself or my behavior, but I’m not ashamed of the truth either, I know what I have been and I have no shame in admitting I've been pretty cruel lately because I know the Father has forgiven me. I have failed to be loving because I am upset and angry. I have tried to be patient, loving, and encouraging for a long time, and suddenly I just snapped. But I know in my heart that this behavior is wrong. I know I should still be patient, loving and encouraging; I know that's what God wants me to do. I know it is what I have to do to feel better in my spirit.
      I keep thinking about when Peter asks Jesus how many times we should forgive someone, He answered him in Matthew 18:22 with 'Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.'    and then the parable of the unmerciful servant. Right now, I feel like the unmerciful servant. I know our Father has forgiven me, but instead of showing mercy and forgiving the hurt I have been feeling I have been blowing up in anger. I'm trying to let go, I have been praying constantly for strength to forgive and to choose to be loving, but when the moment comes to react, I have failed almost every time.
      That doesn't mean though that I will fail again today. I have a new opportunity today to choose love over anger, forgiveness over hurt, and I know that I have the strength from the Father to do so. I fully believe in the power of prayer, I fully believe that when a child of God asks of the Father he/she will receive, so I know I have the strength to forgive and to love, now I just need to make that choice. It's the hard choice, it's easier to be angry and hurt and blame someone else, but the truth is all that anger and hurt is making everything worse for both of you. So, I'm letting go, I'm giving it up and making a concentrated effort to choose love.

Matthew 18:21-35

The Parable of the Unmerciful Servant

21 Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?”

22 Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.
23 “Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. 24 As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand bags of gold was brought to him. 25 Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt.
26 “At this the servant fell on his knees before him. ‘Be patient with me,’ he begged, ‘and I will pay back everything.’ 27 The servant’s master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go.
28 “But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred silver coins. He grabbed him and began to choke him. ‘Pay back what you owe me!’ he demanded.
29 “His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay it back.’
30 “But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt. 31 When the other servants saw what had happened, they were outraged and went and told their master everything that had happened.
32 “Then the master called the servant in. ‘You wicked servant,’ he said, ‘I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. 33 Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?’ 34 In anger his master handed him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed. 35 “This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart.”

Make Time

      Every relationship in life takes work, marriage, friendships, family and our faith. If we aren't actively working at these things we can allow them to fall to the wayside and we can lose them without realizing it until its too late. I will admit that I've allowed this to happen more than it should in my life, in one or all of those areas. Sometimes I've realized how lax I'd gotten and tried to make up for by putting in some extra effort, and other times when I realized it, they had already moved on or no longer wished to be close.
      Thankfully with God it's not like that, His love is unconditional and He will always take us back whether we've been investing in our relationship with Him or not. He is always willing to give us another chance. But that's no reason not to invest in a relationship with God, it's no reason to only call on Him when you need Him. He would hear you regardless and still show you love, but why aren't you investing in that relationship? Are there too many distractions? Is life too busy to take time to pray and chat with your Father? Are you too busy to read your Bible?
       I've used all those things as excuses, and more. I've heard lots of other excuses too, but getting right down to it, you're not too busy if you have time to play games on your phone or chat with people from the other side of the planet, you might be distracted but you aren't busy. We need to realize that what is here and now will fade away, these distractions are only temporary. The technology, the celebrities we pay paparazzi to stalk, (being honest that's what we invest in with TV shows like E!, or tabloids) or the mindless less than real 'reality' TV shows, these things are all temporary and truly fall short of the glory and joy that can be found in a relationship with the Father.
      Like any relationship it does take time and commitment to build, you have to put in effort, you have to make time for reading the word, for prayer, and take opportunities to learn to understand Him better. As someone who used to make excuses as to why I 'didn't have time' to do those things, let me tell you, it isn't as hard as you make it out to be in your mind.
      Don't have time to pray? What about when you're in the shower, driving to work or school, before meals as a family or at bedtime? It doesn't have to be formal to be a prayer, it could simply be 'Father thank you,' God loves to hear gratitude! I understand that reading the Bible can be a more difficult thing to manage sometimes, especially if you have children, but they have audio Bibles now that you can listen to in the car or at home. Or if your children are older, maybe just let them do their thing for 10; 20;or 30 minutes depending on their age while you read and get to know God. It could be the thing that inspires your child to do the same.
      Truth is, whether we mean to or not we don't invest in God because we choose not to, we let other things get in the way. But we can choose to do differently. We can incorporate conversations with Him, and time to read His word if we looked, but we don't because the truth is while we may say He is important to us, our actions are a poor show of it. If He is really important to you, if you are really wanting to seek Him and know Him, make time today and everyday.

Ephesians 5:15-17
 15 Therefore be careful how you walk, not as unwise men but as wise, 16 making the most of your time, because the days are evil. 17 So then do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is.

2 Timothy 3:16-17
16 All Scripture is inspired by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, for training in righteousness; 17 so that the man of God may be adequate, equipped for every good work.          

When Things Don't Change

       I've been praying for a situation, literally, for years now. I have poured out prayer after prayer, after prayer to the Father without change in it. I have followed the leadings and promptings of the holy spirit in this situation, and looked to the word for both comfort and more instruction on the matter. I have read column after column on this issue by Christian writers and put their advice into action. I have done just about everything I could in this matter and have been begging the Father to intercede.
       This morning as I prayed and cried, and begged the Father for instruction, begged to know what I should do, I  heard song after song on my Christian radio station that said not to give up, to keep faith and keep praying, and suddenly I remembered the one thing I hadn't tried yet. Fasting.
       It was an epiphany that brought instant peace and new determination in this situation. I suddenly felt better, and started reminding myself that when you feel like giving up that's when you need to fight harder.When the world looks like it might break you, you have to dig into the Father and go that extra mile. And almost as confirmation, or maybe it was confirmation, I opened my Facebook to find this verse in my news feed, Colossians 3:12 God has given us the power to endure whatever comes our way with a good attitude.
          I want to encourage anyone reading this today to stay strong, fight the lies and negativity that the enemy plants in your brain by feeding your spirit with the word of God, and even when you don't see change keep the faith. Pray harder, try fasting, ask others for prayer, and stand firm on the knowledge that God hears our prayers, trust that He is working it all out for your good as His word tells us, because no matter how you feel, the Father loves you.

James 5:10-11
10 Brothers and sisters, as an example of patience in the face of suffering, take the prophets who spoke in the name of the Lord. 11 As you know, we count as blessed those who have persevered. You have heard of Job’s perseverance and have seen what the Lord finally brought about. The Lord is full of compassion and mercy.

1 John 5:14-15
14 This is the confidence which we have before Him, that, if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us. 15 And if we know that He hears us in whatever we ask, we know that we have the requests which we have asked from Him.

Don't Lose Hope

        There are moments when we are waiting for something that we feel like it will never happen. That our heart is heavy with this unfulfilled desire, but if you believe in the Father you can't give up hope. If there is one thing I've learned from reading the Bible it's that God always fulfills His promises, everything is brought to fullness in Him, it may take patience and time until it comes into reality, but it will happen if He says it will. If there are desires in your heart and you love God with all that you have, He will fulfill them if you ask, I know it because it is stated so in Matthew 7:7-8  and many other places, I know it because He has done it for me before.
          When I was a little girl I wanted a little sister with all of my heart, someone I could care for that would look up to me, that I could love and play with and who would love me back, and most importantly, someone who would understand me and accept me. I already had a little brother and we didn't get along very well and honestly we still struggle with that, but I prayed for a sister because I believed that a sister and I would get along much better. I prayed for that for 8 years before I finally got her. My parents weren't trying when they got pregnant with her, in fact they didn't want anymore kids, they had a boy and a girl, and that was enough for them. But that didn't stop me from praying for a sister.
          I was thrilled the day my parents told me they were having another baby, and I started praying harder than ever that it would be girl. The day she was born my brother and I got to skip school to go to the hospital with my parents for the delivery, from the moment I first held her I knew she was the answer to my prayers, what I didn't know was that God had given me the answer at exactly the time I would need her most.  I had to wait for my answer, not because He wasn't going to give me what I asked for, but because I was going to need her as I went through my teenager years and I would need to remember at that time how much I had wanted her, and as I write this I think it was also so that as I wait and pray for my own child now, that I can remember this experience and I don't lose hope.
         God answered my prayer for a sister after 8 years, and I always say she came just in time because I needed her then most. There were many times in my teen years where the only reason I didn't take my life was because I couldn't leave her, I was reminded of how much I wanted her, how much she would need me as she grew and I couldn't do it, couldn't go through with it. I will be honest though, there were a few times where I was so selfish that even those thoughts of her weren't enough to stop the attempt, but thankfully I failed. Getting back on topic though, my point is this, if you are waiting there is a reason, I had to wait on my sister because I was going to need her as a teenager, I needed someone who was dependent on me, someone I felt responsibility for to keep me going through the depression and anxiety. Don't give up hope because you are waiting and it doesn't seem like anything is happening, trust the Father and His wisdom, He knows what's on our hearts and He also knows when the time is right for it. Just trust, have faith, and take comfort in the word as you wait.

Hebrews 10:35-36
35 So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded.

36 You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised.  

 

Matthew 7:7-8

7 “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. 8 For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened. 

 

Luke 1:45

45 "And blessed is she who believed that there would be a fulfillment of what had been spoken to her by the Lord."

A Great Coping Technique

      Over the weekend God took me out of my comfort zone and pushed me to my limits, and from this I learned...I can handle more than I thought, and things can turn out better then expected if the attitude is right. I am a very introverted person, I find having company over or going to any social events (including family functions,) to be extremely exhausting after only a short time, and because of that I tend not to push myself into those situations and when I do, I usually make sure I have a way to end things quickly so I can get back to my quiet.
       This weekend however, that wasn't an option as my mother-in-law was spending the weekend with us, and immediately upon her departure we had to go to a family reunion that my parents were hosting about an hour from where we live. I spent a good portion of Thursday and Friday dreading the weekend, not because of who we would be with or what we would be doing, but because I feared getting burnt out and let's say being less than pleasant with people. It was a serious concern for me, because typically a busy social weekend like that would have me grouchy, and tired before Sunday ever came.
           This weekend though, as I drove home from work Friday evening I spoke with the Father. I prayed for endurance to get through the weekend with a good attitude and wisdom to know when to bite my tongue if I got to tired. He must have heard my prayers, because the whole weekend was a success, I made it through without any of the complications I feared, and was even asked to lead my family in prayer at the reunion, which I managed to do with out making a fool of myself!
           As wonderful as this all was, I know I didn't do it on my own, I didn't keep myself from exhausting myself just because I prayed. Prayer opened the door for the Father to intercede and help, and I responded to His intercession. When I started to feel too burned out, too tired, too grouchy a verse repeated itself in my head or actually a portion of a verse to be accurate,  from Isaiah 40:31, '... They will run and not get tired, They will walk and not become weary.' When I heard those words I would thank Him in my heart, and I would feel revitalized and able to continue on with a good attitude.
        My therapist would call this a great coping technique, and tell me it's great that I can use a verse that I memorized to help comfort and give me strength in an uncomfortable situation for myself. But I say this is evidence of God at work in one of the many of thousands of ways He reaches out to us daily, it is evidence of why learning scriptures are important, because we are meant to take strength and encouragement from them. Learning scripture is an important part of walking in a faith relationship with God, because it is through the scriptures we learn who our Father is, and build knowledge for times of difficulty for ourselves and others.

Isaiah 40:30-31
30 Though youths grow weary and tired, And vigorous young men stumble badly, 31 Yet those who wait for the LORD Will gain new strength; They will mount up with wings like eagles, They will run and not get tired, They will walk and not become weary.

2 Corinthians 4:1
1 Therefore, since through God's mercy we have this ministry, we do not lose heart.

1 Thessalonians 2:13
13 For this reason we also constantly thank God that when you received the word of God which you heard from us, you accepted it not as the word of men, but for what it really is, the word of God, which also performs its work in you who believe.

Miracle Monday

This week's testimony comes from +Maria W, who I am proud to call my sister in Christ. This testimony is a beautiful example of how God can still reach us and call to us before we really know Him, it's an example of how God loves us enough to do that, to call out to us, because He wants us to come home to Him. May her testimony bless you as it did me. 

I was about 22 years old and I was asking God if He was real, if He existed even... I was not brought up in church but my father told us there was God who created us... I was speaking to God about my life at night, a sinner, I was not saved... but deep down I knew there was something more... I was just tired of feeling empty... some months went by that year was 2001 and we were pretty much homeless myself, my three boys, and my fiancée at that time... my brother still had keys to his old apartment and he had just moved out, so he gave me the keys and we stayed the night there... While we were there I had a dream... I was in the suburbs in a nice neighborhood, nice houses, nice lawns, the works :). I was walking barefoot through the grass, and as I walked off the grass and onto the road, people were outside doing their normal things, kids riding bikes, parents leaving work, etc... I walked down the road a few blocks and I began to rise up off the ground... I was wearing a white robe now and my body was glowing bright... the people and everybody noticed... then I awoke from the dream... (This is the best part) tears were coming down my face but they were  the gentle peaceful kind and I felt joy unspeakable :) I am so grateful to God for this! I did not begin living for God till 2010 :) but HE looked on me while I was a sinner and loved me anyway :)

Romans 5:8
8 But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.

Courage and Radical Faith

      Courage is not the absence of fear but the judgment that something else is more important than fear. The brave may not live forever but the cautious do not live at all. For now you are traveling the road between who you think you are and who you can be.--- Ambrose Redman
       Not the way I typically start off, I know, but this morning I have been thinking about courage, courage in radical faith. What do I mean by radical faith? The kind of faith where you can walk through the tough times claiming victory in Jesus Christ, and you are not afraid because you know God is working it all out, the kind of faith that says "Yes I am a Christian" when facing certain death or persecution. The kind of faith where the fear you feel cannot out weigh your desire to serve God! That is courage, deciding God is more important than anything you might have to deal with as a consequence of your faith.
       And what about the rest of the quote I shared? What about 'The brave may not live forever but the cautious do not live at all. For now you are traveling the road between who you think you are and who you can be,' what does that have to do with courage in faith? I'm not sure if Ambrose Redman was a Christian, I really know nothing about him, but every time I read this quote I think of radical faith, the faith to stand up in service of our Father, and when I read that the 'cautious do not live at all' I think of those who have made the choice to not live by radical faith, because are you really living for God then?
       If you have given God your heart why should you be cautious in your faith? Why are you not sharing it, speaking it, and living it? The Bible tells us 365 times not to fear, it says in  Psalm 31:24 “Be of good courage, and he shall strengthen your heart, all ye that hope in the LORD.”  If God is telling us to live boldly in our faith, that He will give us strength, why aren't you? Think about the words I shared from Ambrose again, 'the cautious do not live at all,' what might you be losing if you aren't living a life by the faith you claim? Our life is found in Christ Jesus who died for our sins, but if we aren't living for Him, to reflect Him, to spread the gospel boldly are we really in Him, are we really living or have we sacrificed life for fear?
       The last part of the quote from Ambrose Redman reads, 'For now you are traveling the road between who you think you are and who you can be,' take this as a challenge. Take this moment to examine your faith, is there courage in it? We are all stepping closer to our final destination each day, some of us think we know who we are and where we are going, but do you really? A year ago I thought I did, and now, after begging the Father to take my life and do what He wills in it and learning to trust in Him even if it doesn't make sense to me at the time, I realize I had no idea. God is taking me to somewhere unexpected, that wasn't part of my plan, and changing me into a woman that I did not expect to be.  I am not saying that there is anything special about me, that I deserve praise in any way, what I am saying is that you might think you know who you are going to be, who you want to be, but when you put everything in the Father's hands and trust Him, He will make you into who you are meant to be.  Is there courage in you to live by radical faith, to sacrifice your wants and desires to serve Him? Are you willing to step off the path of who you think you are to step onto the narrow road and find out who you really are? Are you ready for life abundant in this radical faith? Be blessed.

  Psalm 27:1
“The LORD is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? the LORD is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?”

Psalm 56:3-4
“What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee. In God I will praise his word, in God I have put my trust; I will not fear what flesh can do unto me.”

2 Timothy 1:7
“For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.”

The Changes

       A month ago I would have described myself as a quiet, meek, introvert. I have always kind of been that way, I was always the type to keep my thoughts and feelings to myself and would only share them with a few people, and my diary. I never really did shy away from saying something that I felt needed said though, but I would have to be pretty worked up to do it, and when I did it was usually only if someone else was being hurt.  Lately though, I don't know, a boldness has started to emerge in me.
       It seems to me, the more I work on getting closer to Christ the more changes in my character I discover, always good changes but some are a little surprising. I honestly can't say who was more surprised this past Sunday when I said what I felt had to be said at church, me or my husband. But that is exactly what the Bible says will happen when, we are a new creation in Christ Jesus.
       I didn't use to understand what it meant to be a new creation in Christ, I thought it was something that we had to do ourselves, something we had to work at being. I heard about the transforming effect of God on people's lives and thought that it was just about their hearts being touched and a desire to change ignited. And I wasn't entirely wrong, but I wasn't right either, I was missing something until recently.
       As I have drawn closer to Christ and learned more about Him through the word I have worked to change myself, and so has God. As I have read more in an attempt to better understand my Father and reflect Him, He has changed me in ways I didn't expect. This boldness in my character is one such way. It's not something that I tried to develop in myself, but it is something I noticed developing in my writing lately, and then on Sunday. It seems as though my spirit suddenly refuses to remain silent anymore, I feel like I need to speak out about Christ and for His church. This is God working in me, on this I have no doubt.
       I finally realize that becoming a new creation in Christ is not something I do, something that I have to try to be, something to strive and desire to be but something God does in you. He is raising things in my spirit so that I can fulfill His purpose for my life.  He is changing my character, my heart, and my desires, He is creating a new person from the ashes of who I used to be, and all the time that foolish girl gets farther away from the woman I am becoming. This change is open to all of us, God can make you into a completely new person just as He is me, if you are willing to give Him all of you, willing to seek Him with your whole heart, and willing to let go of anything that may be standing between you.

2 Corinthians 5:17
Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.

 Ezekiel 36:26
I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.

Romans 6:4
We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life.      

The Same

      Have you ever heard someone say that God doesn't preform miracles anymore? That there aren't prophets anymore? That there aren't people spiritually gifted anymore like in the Bible days? Have you heard those same people say they believe in God? That they believe in the Bible? I have, I've heard pastors say some of these things, and every time I hear it I think aren't you contradicting yourself? Aren't you contradicting God?
      It's not my place to tell you what to think or believe, but if you are one of the people who say things like that, will you at least  give me a chance to explain? It's always your decision what to believe and I am not judging you for what you believe, it's just that it doesn't make sense to me because of what I have read in the Bible and experienced.  See, it seems contradictory to me to say you believe in God and you believe in His word then say that God doesn't preform miracles or send prophets anymore because the Bible says God is unchanging, Hebrews 13:8, Malachi 3:6, Psalm 102:25-27, and in more places, this is just a few I found right away. So, if God is unchanging and He did it then why should you think He isn't going to keep doing it?
      To say that God has changed when the Bible says He doesn't would mean that God lied because the Bible is God's word and God is the word, John 1:1. This also contradicts the Bible because God cannot lie, in Numbers 23:19 we read this 'God is not man, that he should lie, or a son of man, that he should change his mind. Has he said, and will he not do it? Or has he spoken, and will he not fulfill it?'  And in Hebrews 6:18 it says that 'it is impossible for God to lie...' there is more to that verse, it's point is to say that we can hold onto God and hope because He doesn't lie.
       So if God doesn't lie, and doesn't change wouldn't that mean that there are still spiritually gifted people among us? Wouldn't that mean that God still preforms miracles and that He may do it through people who have given their lives to Him? I am not saying that everyone who claims those gifts are honest, and the Bible warns that they won't be, we are told to test them with the word and look at the fruit they bare because if God is in them it will be evident, but if God is not with them the deceit and corruption in their soul will be evident because those are the fruits of their master.
       I hope if nothing else, what I wrote today gets people thinking, and I hope if you are thinking you check me against the word too, after all I am human, and I am able to be deceived.

John 1:1         
In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.

Psalm 102:25-27         
Of old you laid the foundation of the earth, and the heavens are the work of your hands. They will perish, but you will remain; they will all wear out like a garment. You will change them like a robe, and they will pass away, but you are the same, and your years have no end.

1 Samuel 15:29        
And also the Glory of Israel will not lie or have regret, for he is not a man, that he should have regret.”

You Are Not Alone

       It amazes me sometimes how the enemy can blind you from truth, even make you doubt or forget when God is or has reached out to you. Satan does this intentionally though so he can make you believe you are all alone, he wants to separate you from the Lord's strength, protection, comfort, love, and from God's truth. Satan wants you to feel alone, he wants you to believe that you are unworthy, that God doesn't care, that's He's far away and isn't listening, Satan wants you to be distracted and bogged down, and sometimes he'll put glittery things in your path just so you won't look for the one thing you are really missing.
         I thought about this as I was praying on my way into work this morning, how I had known God as a little girl and boldly loved Him, then somewhere, that faith turned to anger, to hatred, to distrust, until I had a hard time recognizing God at all anymore, then the loneliness and bitterness set in. I got really lost for a long while, and didn't recognize when God worked in my life anymore, I didn't feel His light and presence anymore, instead I felt alone and angry, and I blamed God for all the bad things in my life. I blamed Him because the light was gone, peace was gone, the joy was hard to find, and He stopped listening. I blamed Him, and sought revenge for my pain, rebelling against His truth to intentionally hurt Him, but right now I realize that I really just wanted His attention again, I was the toddler hitting other children to get a response out of the caregiver.
       Now, having rediscovered my lost faith, I see that I was wrong, that I had been deceived into thinking God didn't care. I can look back and see that there were people reaching out to me, I can see that God was reaching out to me through them when my heart was too bound up to hear His voice.  I can see that though I felt alone and like no one understood, I was deceiving myself, there were always people who cared, I just pushed them away in my anger and hurt. I had fallen into a pit of lies and believing in those lies overwhelmed my perception of the world and made it the very dark and lonely place I believed it to be.
         It took letting down my guard, learning to trust someone else, listening to that someone else who encouraged me and accepted me to set me back on the right path, it took knowing in my heart that there was something missing and recognizing that the thing that had made the biggest difference in my life towards happiness and peace was God, and that it was His lack of presence at that time in my life that left me broken. I realized that I was never alone, and there had been no dark place that I had gone into where God hadn't tried to reach me, where He wasn't protecting me, where He couldn't find me. I was never alone, and neither are you, God wants you, God wants a relationship with you, He wants your hurt and He wants to fill those empty spaces in your heart, He loves you, and never stopped.

Jeremiah 29:13
And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart.

Psalm 130

1 Out of the depths I cry to you, Lord;

2 Lord, hear my voice.

Let your ears be attentive

to my cry for mercy.

3 If you, Lord, kept a record of sins,

Lord, who could stand?

4 But with you there is forgiveness,

so that we can, with reverence, serve you.

5 I wait for the Lord, my whole being waits,

and in his word I put my hope.

6 I wait for the Lord

more than watchmen wait for the morning,

more than watchmen wait for the morning.

7Israel, put your hope in the Lord,

for with the Lord is unfailing love

and with him is full redemption.

8He himself will redeem Israel

from all their sins.

 Acts 26:16-18
  16 ‘Now get up and stand on your feet. I have appeared to you to appoint you as a servant and as a witness of what you have seen and will see of me. 17 I will rescue you from your own people and from the Gentiles. I am sending you to them 18 to open their eyes and turn them from darkness to light, and from the power of Satan to God, so that they may receive forgiveness of sins and a place among those who are sanctified by faith in me.’

Miracle Monday

      Last week I shared a miracle about how a simple prayer for an ordinary  procedure to go well touched the heart of a co-worker. I thought it was a beautiful example of how God can use a small thing to one person to make an impact on another. This week I want to share a miracle that just happened to me. A direct answer to my prayers that will lead my life onto a path that I had not imagined would be possible.
       A couple months ago I started to see advertisements for schooling to become a Pastor, I felt really drawn to this. It's something I had felt drawn to as a child but had lost interest in as I grew up. Because I knew I had lost interest once before I prayed and asked the Father to confirm that it was His will for my life. I asked Him that if this was  His will that it be made known to me. I asked Him to have my Pastor come talk to me about being a Pastor so that I knew for sure. But I told no one about this prayer or what I was feeling because I didn't know what was going to happen.
         Then a couple weeks ago I started to feel like I didn't want to do my job anymore, not that I want to quit, I love being a nanny, but that it's not what I want to do with the rest of my life anymore.  I just wasn't certain what I should be doing because Pastor had never spoken to me, I thought maybe my writing is what I am supposed to do, maybe I never heard from Pastor because I am supposed to focus on the writing and use that as service to the Father.
        Then, yesterday after church service my Pastor came up to me and asked if I would consider taking classes to become a layman Pastor. He said that he has read my blog and that when he heard me speak out in church that he felt like I should be a pastor, just like another girl in my church who is an awesome speaker! She and I will be taking the classes together and I couldn't be more excited! This was a direct answer to my prayer and for me it is definite proof of God at work!

Matthew 21:22 
And whatever you ask in prayer, you will receive, if you have faith.

Philippians 4:6-7
 do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

It Takes Three

      The best piece of marriage advice I ever received came from my great Uncle, he wasn't able to attend my wedding due to his health at the time, but sent a card. Inside the card he gave us a monetary gift as is customary, but also some great advice. He wrote inside some blessings for our marriage and said that the most important thing in marriage is not actually either of us, but God because it takes three to make the marriage work. He told us to keep God first, and go to Him with any disagreement we may have, and He would always settle the matter for us.
      I have thought about his advice almost every day since I took my vows, and knowing that this was how my Uncle has lived in both of his marriages(he was a widower and has since remarried), which were/are highly blessed with love and happiness, we put into practice his advice. We aren't always successful at this, but we do try together to always honor God in our marriage and put Him first.  Part of  this is separating ourselves from outside distractions, people who try to stir strife, or try to plant seeds of  doubt, or will lie to break the bonds of marriage, or people who try to insert themselves into a marriage and divide you. These types of distractions are every where, and often on the surface don't seem like it, but anything or anyone who encourages you to break, disregard, or tries to twist the meaning of a Godly marriage is a distraction.
       Sometimes the distractions are easier to spot than others, and sometimes our well meaning friends can become the distraction. An example of a well meaning friend being a distraction is, you've had an argument with your husband or he has done something that upset you so you call a friend for comfort. As you relate to them your version of what happened instead of comforting you and helping you to discover a path of resolution for the issue they start saying things like 'I don't know why you put up with that, I wouldn't.' or 'If I were in your shoes I'd leave.' or other things to that affect, of course there are certain situations in which this advice is appropriate, like if there is domestic violence, but other wise this well meaning friend has become a destructive force to your marriage, especially if you happen to listen to them.
      The bottom line comes down to this in any circumstance though, is this person's advice or presence helping or hindering my relationship with God and my spouse? When this occurs you have a decision to make, do you continue to go to this friend for advice and comfort, or do you go somewhere else? If you conclude through careful thought and prayer that they are a hindrance its probably best to cut out them out of your life, or keep them at a greater distance. It may be painful to do so at first but after a short time with this distraction out of the way you will see improvements in your marriage.
        I have had to cut some people out that I had hoped would be long time friends, but I started to discover that the longer I knew them, and discussed my marriage with them, the less content I became.  When I realized what was happening I looked at my marriage, and prayed for guidance. I realized after doing that, that it wasn't actually my marriage that I was unhappy with, but simply this other person's opinion of my marriage that made me unhappy. I had let them distract me, I had let them talk me into being discontented with something that until they showed up was a huge blessing to me. I made the decision after that to separate myself from them, and eventually told her we couldn't be friends anymore.
          When you take your vows in a church wedding the people gathered there are asked to help support the two of you on your journey, this is a vow made before God, just like the vows you take with your spouse, to break either vow is to dishonor God. The people you keep close in your life should be helping and supporting you to honor God, if what they are telling you is contradictory to God's law, than you'll probably better off without them.
      My uncle said a successful marriage takes three, and he wasn't wrong, you need God and two people who are willing to work everyday to honor Him. You need to spend time in the word, building your relationship with the Father, and your spouse, so that when distractions come along you can recognize them and resolve it right away.

Proverbs 2 16-19

16 Wisdom will save you also from the adulterous woman,

from the wayward woman with her seductive words,

17 who has left the partner of her youth

and ignored the covenant she made before God.

18 Surely her house leads down to death

and her paths to the spirits of the dead.

19 None who go to her return

or attain the paths of life.

 

1 John 2:28-29

28 And now, dear children, continue in him, so that when he appears we may be confident and unashamed before him at his coming.

29 If you know that he is righteous, you know that everyone who does what is right has been born of him.

Woman Respect Your Man!

       I don't often get fired up about things to the point where I rant and rave and get angry anymore, but I have seriously had enough of the laughing at our men's expense, I have had enough of women believing that they are or should be the 'boss' at home, and I have had more than enough of women disrespecting their husband or child's father in front of the child. I am tired of seeing women destroy all respect and authority for men given to them by God, in the name of female equality.
       I am not saying that women shouldn't make the same amount of money as men in the work force, I'm not saying that we shouldn't have a say in how our children are raised and  how our house is run, and I'm not saying that every woman should stay at home and give up their careers. I am not saying that women are less and don't deserve respect, what I am saying is we can't expect to get it by belittling our men. We can't expect to have our men treating us with loving admiration, while we are tearing them down to every person we know. We can't expect our children to respect their fathers and his authority as head of house, when we don't. What I am saying is what are we teaching our children with this current trend?
       How can we honestly expect our children to respect authority when the person God established to be the authority over the household is constantly disrespected on TV, in music, in movies, in books, and at home? How can we expect our children to respect us or their father when we talk down on him, yell at him, and call him names? How can we expect our sons to want to be married or have a true relationship with a woman when what they are seeing is a life full of ridicule from the one person who is supposed to support them! It's no wonder so many men are walking around looking like hurt dogs, and are too afraid to have a real relationship because they don't want to deal with the disrespect, and I know men who say this, men who have or are avoiding relationships because of this very thing.
       And don't fool yourselves ladies, there is a huge difference between standing up for yourself and your feelings and disrespecting our husbands. It is of course necessary to tell our husbands when we are hurt or disagree with them, and there are always going to be those situations, but there is a time and place for it, and its not in front your children if you can't control yourself to speak respectfully about the situation. By speaking respectful, I mean a conversation without sarcasm, yelling, or name calling, because every time you behave like that towards your partner in front of the child you reinforce what the world is teaching about men, that they aren't worthy of respect.
      Respect your husbands, respect your partner, and stop talking crap on him with your girlfriends. Our husbands aren't jokes, and news flash, you're not the boss, don't believe me check the last part of Genesis 3:16, 'he shall rule over you'! Want a happier husband? A happier household? And better behaved kids? Then maybe you need to check how your house is being run, against how God says it should be run, instead of making fun of your spouse and blaming him for everything that isn't working out.

1 Corinthians 11:3
3 But I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head of a woman, and God is the head of Christ.

1 Corinthians 11:8-12
8 For man did not come from woman, but woman from man; 9 neither was man created for woman, but woman for man. 10 It is for this reason that a woman ought to have authority over her own head, because of the angels. 11 Nevertheless, in the Lord woman is not independent of man, nor is man independent of woman. 12 For as woman came from man, so also man is born of woman. But everything comes from God.

Ephesians 5:21-33

21 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body. 31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”  32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

Proverbs 11:29 Whoever brings ruin on their family will inherit only wind, and the fool will be servant to the wise.

Proverbs 15:27 A greedy man brings trouble to his family, but he who hates bribes will live.

Share Joys

      I don't know what your church is like or if you even go, but in the many different churches I have attended over the years I've noticed that when or if the pastor asks for joys and concerns, there are typically a lot more concerns than joys. Some might say that this observation is a testament to the state of the world, that we are all heavily burdened because of the sickness, corruption, and strife in the world. I don't think that's it though, I think those are definite reasons why we do hear so many concerns, but I don't think that it in anyway explains for the lack of joys shared.
      I think sometimes when we have joys we hesitate to share them because we convince ourselves it's no big deal, it's not important enough to be shared, or the worst one of all, no one will care. I can honestly say there are many times where I am really excited about what God is doing in my life, but when the pastor asks for joys I keep it to myself, for every one of those reasons I just mentioned, and I'm certain I'm not the only one who does this. Why are we so willing to share our pain, but hesitate to share our joys? Why do we share our big joys and neglect to acknowledge the little ones? Is there really such a thing as a little joy?
       Obviously, I don't have all the answers, but I do know the answer to changing this trend is easy. We start sharing our joys, even the ones we think no one will care about. Sharing joy is an important part of how we encourage others. When we share how God is working in our lives we give hope to our brothers and sisters and praise to our Father. We don't have to wait for a big joy either, the 'small' joys are worth sharing too and should be shared. It's in the 'small' joys that we see how God works in our day to day lives, and knowing that He is working in our day to day lives for our good makes it easier to want and work for your relationship with Him.
        As I write this today, I'm starting to think that really there isn't any small joys, just that we become used to things and forget to see their real value. And I think we choose not to announce our gratefulness for what we perceive as small joys or small blessings because we are afraid. We fear someone else may think it's silly so we keep it to ourselves, and that's exactly how Satan prefers we keep it.
       If we aren't sharing our day to day joys with each other we can't teach others the many ways in which God manifest Himself in our day to day lives. If they aren't learning to recognize that the Father is always at work they won't look for it, and if they aren't looking for it they won't see it. After a while of not seeing God's presence in their life it becomes easy to believe that God is too busy for them, or worse yet, doesn't exist. Once those types of thoughts have entered the mind and taken root in the heart it leads to destruction. So share joys, not just concerns, joys to teach how much our Father loves us, and concerns so we may lift each other up in prayer for whatever that need may be and the knowledge that there are others supporting you who care.
       I realize to some I might be making a big leap, they may not agree at all with what I am saying, and that's fine. What I am sharing here is my opinion based my experiences and observations. From personal experience I spent many years in church hearing many concerns and only 'big' joys, this did very little on enlightening me to the character of God because the amount of pain revealed was more than joy, which didn't make sense if God is a loving God. Then, I met someone who saw God in the big and the small. They taught me to look for the Father in all things, to recognize His work, and by their sharing the joy they had received from the Father with me, they caused me to look past religious beliefs and start seeking God in a real way. And when I started to seek Him, I found Him, and in more ways and places than I expected, and as I discovered Him, He changed me and is continuing to change me. All because someone dared to give thanks for the 'little' things and share it with others.

Proverbs 8:17

17 I love those who love me, and those who seek me find me.

 

Psalms 5:11-12

But let all who take refuge in you rejoice; let them ever sing for joy, and spread your protection over them, that those who love your name may exult in you. For you bless the righteous, O LORD; you cover him with favor as with a shield.

 

Psalms 63:5-7

My soul will be satisfied as with fat and rich food, and my mouth will praise you with joyful lips, when I remember you upon my bed, and meditate on you in the watches of the night; for you have been my help, and in the shadow of your wings I will sing for joy.

1 Peter 1:8-9
Though you have not seen him, you love him. Though you do not now see him, you believe in him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory, obtaining the outcome of your faith, the salvation of your souls.

Comfort

       Like many others I was shocked to learn of the apparent suicide of actor/comedian Robin Williams. Growing up he was one of my favorite actors and I have many happy memories of spending time with family or friends watching and laughing at his movies together. Robin Williams brought joy to many and his tragic death is another reminder of  just how serious an issue depression is.
      As many of my followers know I have struggled through my own battles with depression and anxiety since my early teens, and with a lot of hard work, prayer, and support I have made it to a time in my life where it is currently under control. What most of you don't know is that there was a time where I not only thought about suicide, but attempted it.
      I'm sharing this because I want anyone who is reading this and might be struggling with these same issues to understand that there is hope, there is recovery, and you are more loved than you know. I know how hard it can be to get out of bed, to look yourself in the mirror, to be around anyone, even those you love. The sorrow that surrounds you is like a dark heavy cloud pressing down not only on your emotions but your physical body as well making you achy and tired all the time.  I know how easy it is to convince yourself that no one cares, or that by taking your life you're doing them favor, trust me I've been there, I heard that voice too, but it was a lie, it is a lie.
      I am begging you, talk to someone who can help, see a counselor, a Pastor, a doctor, a friend, call Klove at 1 800 900 1300; they will pray with you and talk to you, talk to me and I'll pray for you. You don't have to struggle alone, and honestly you aren't, your Father's heart is breaking over the suffering in your soul, He wants to comfort you and restore you, you just have to let Him. I know to someone reading this who might be in the grips of depression seeing what I wrote just moment ago about God might be hard to digest, I know it was for me anyway, but coming through the darkness by His grace I also know it to be truth.  God wants to heal you and He has the power to if you are willing to give your life to Him, give your whole self, your whole heart to Him and peace, joy, and comfort will be given to you, Jesus says in Matthew 11:28 "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." These aren't just nice words, this is a promise, and God always fulfills His promises.

Numbers 23:19-20

19 God is not human, that he should lie,

not a human being, that he should change his mind.

Does he speak and then not act?

Does he promise and not fulfill?

20 I have received a command to bless;

he has blessed, and I cannot change it.

Matthew 11:28-30
28“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” 
     

God's Peace in Purpose

      For a long time I lived a life where I thought I was fulfilling God's plan for me and my life, but I realize now that I wasn't. I was doing good in the church, and working at a job that most of the time I enjoyed, but I wasn't fulfilled in what I was doing. I always felt like I was struggling and couldn't find peace or balance in my life. I really believe now that the reason I wasn't fulfilled was that I wasn't living in God's will, I wasn't doing the things in my life that He really wanted me to do, I was doing what was expected of me by those around me and what I thought I had too.
       It wasn't until I started to pray that God's will reign in my life that things started to change. Suddenly I was taken from one job, to another, and now to yet another that I do finally feel fulfilled in. Not only did my jobs change, but my I was led to start writing again, something I had left behind several years ago thinking that my dream of being a writer was too big, and too silly to ever really happen. But God has stirred my heart and kept putting urges in it to write again until I finally broke down and started writing, now I have this blog, one published book, and I'm nearly half way done with the first draft of my first novel.
      I feel fulfilled now, not because I am getting the things I want, but because I am living the purpose God has for me.  Peace reigns in my heart and life because of the Father, I gave Him my life and asked Him to have His way in it, I asked for knowledge and direction to follow the plan He had for me, and check in often with Him on this account. I don't expect things to be easy all the time, it's not like there isn't opposition in this world to our happiness, but I also know that when we stay in God's will and purpose for our lives His peace and blessings will reign, they will see you through anything the enemy throws at you.

Isaiah 32:17
The fruit of righteousness will be peace; the effect of righteousness will be quietness and confidence forever.

Psalm 32:8
God will instruct me and teach me in the way I should go. He will guide me with His eye.

Proverbs 3:5-6
I trust in the Lord with all my heart and lean not on my own understanding. In all my ways I acknowledge Him and He directs my paths.

Miracle Monday

      This weekend I had the idea to start posting a testimony each week as a way of sharing encouragement and to show how God work's miracles everyday in big and small ways. All too often we get distracted by life's trails and forget that we have a Father who loves us, so I thought there was no better day of the week to remind us how good He is, than Monday, the day we all dread. For now on, I hope, I will be posting a testimony from one of followers, friends, family members, and myself, to help us start out each week remembering God's go it all under control.
       The first testimony I want to share came from a friend who has asked that I change her name to remain anonymous, so for the purpose of her testimony I will be calling her Amanda. I hope you are blessed by how God has moved through this woman.
         About a week Amanda and her hall partner and were called to go help the nurses. They were in a room preparing to insert a cath into a patient. Before the nurse did it she asked if anyone here believes in prayer, then to pray that the cath procedure goes well. Amanda said Let this be the first time and the nurse next to Amanda said Amen... So everything went fine... Of course, Amanda thought nothing of it since she is the kind to pray all the time. Amanda and her hall partner  left the room and about 10 minutes later the nurse came up to her and asked  "Amanda do you pray all the time?" Amanda answered "Yes and try to remember to read my bible." Then the nurse replied to her saying "I thought maybe you did, I felt your prayer."  And then her eyes teared up.
     God can use you any where, to touch people in ways maybe you don't even think about. Amanda's story of how her simple pray that it be done the first time and how it touched her coworker is an example of that. God Bless.

Ephesians 6:18
And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord's people.

      

Not a Believer, A Follower

     One year ago I would have described myself as a Christian, a believer in Christ Jesus, today I would still describe myself as a Christian, but not a believer, I am a follower of Christ. I know to some that's a weird statement, it doesn't make sense to them because they don't understand the difference, but there is a difference. Neither one is bad, or wrong, just different stages of my walk in faith. For some they may have already gone through similar stages, or they could be experiencing the transition now, maybe they never will, maybe they were always a follower; all of our walks are different so I can't say for sure if anyone else has come to this same conclusion as I have, but this is where God has led me at this time.
       So now, let's break down why I have changed my description of myself from a believer to a follower. A believer is simply someone who believes in something, Mr. Webster puts it this way, to have confidence in the truth, the existence, or the reliability of something, although without absolute proof that one is right in doing so. I think that's an accurate description of where I was a year ago. I believed in Jesus Christ, I even loved him. But despite the fact that I believed in him, I believed in the Bible, and loved them both, I wasn't really right with God in my heart. Not that I was a bad person, I just wasn't living for God, I thought the fact that I loved and believed was enough, I was in that place for a long time, probably from even before I was born again. This isn't a bad place, I was comfortable with that relationship for a long time, and really I believe it was the stepping stone that prepared me to move to this new stage in my relationship.  
      Going back to Mr. Webster again, he describes a follower as a noun meaning a person or thing that follows; a person who follows another in regard to his or her ideas or belief; disciple or adherent; a person who imitates, copies, or takes as a model or ideal; an attendant, servant, or retainer.  The last two descriptions in that definition are my favorite, that is how I see myself now or at least how I am trying to be, I am trying to reflect the virtues of Christ, trying to live a life that follows his example. I am trying to be an obedient servant of Jesus Christ. That's the difference between a believer and a follower.
       As a follower, just believing is no longer enough. I have a consuming desire now to know my Father, to pick up my cross daily and follow after Him, to obey in what is asked of me, and to make Him known to others. I crossed over from believing to following, and I can't tell you when or how it happened, but it did. It seemed like suddenly one day my soul just came alive in the Spirit with a need for God, not just the knowledge of Him, but a need to have a close binding relationship. So, this why I'm not a believer anymore, its gone past that, I am follower in service of my Master, trying daily to serve better not only Him but those around me so that they too may know His love.

Romans 1:16-17
I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God for the salvation of everyone who believes: first for the Jew, then for the Gentile. For in the gospel a righteousness from God is revealed, a righteousness that is by faith from first to last, just as it is written: "The righteous will live by faith."

Ephesians 2:8
For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith--and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God--

Galatians 2:20
I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.

The Good Things

      When I first started blogging these post of encouragement about faith, and dealing with depression, anxiety, and other daily life issues I used to get nervous when I saw that someone commented on one of my post. Over time this passed as most of the comments were praise or more words of encouragement and sometimes people added verses as responses that furthered or confirmed my point. I really enjoy the last ones best to honest, not that I don't enjoy praise or encouragement, after all I am human and I love recognition, but I realize that what I'm writing and the responses I get have very little to do with me.
      My husband really likes this song by Chris Cornell called "Can't Change Me"; in it there's a line where he sings 'she's going to change the world,' Nick says it always reminds him of me. It used to bother me, and still does to some point. It's not that I dislike the song, in fact Chris Cornell is my favorite male vocalist, it's that he looks at what I'm doing and the response I get and goes 'wow she's capable of anything.'
      Why should his admiration and praise from others bother me? It's because I don't feel like the praise really belongs to me, I really feel like I'm just doing the Lord's work in a very small way. When I think of someone deserving of praise though, I think of missionaries, preachers, saints, apostles, Jesus and the Father! I always tell my husband when he plays that song and shares with me how proud he is of me for my blog, my book, and the work I do with children, that it's not me. I am not going to change the world, God is going to change the world, I just asked Him to use me.
      If there's one thing in my life that is praiseworthy, it's that, that I have asked the Father to use me and am doing my best to be obedient. I truly believe that all good things come from God, and because of that, that all glory and praise belong to Him as well. I'm not trying to say don't tell me nice things, or don't accept praise yourself, I'm just bringing up the point that maybe when someone is praising us for something good, we should realize that the Father had His hand in it too, and He deserves praise as well, more so really.
      I've been thinking about writing a post on this for a while now, every time I get praise from someone really. I have felt strongly for a long time that we as a community, as a whole Kingdom under Him who has freed us from the bondage of the world need to take time to recognize that nothing, and I do mean absolutely nothing, is  of any value when we don't do it for His glory, when we aren't praising and thanking Him. We need to realize our gifts and talents are of Him and from Him, and praise Him for them.
       Experience taught me this, it's amazing how you can do something you love and still feel unfulfilled, like something is missing. I have been responsible for other people, and physically caring for someone other than myself since I was 12 years old, and I love it, but for a long time I felt like something was missing. Then, I heard a song on Klove, in it the singer says 'do all that you do for the glory of the Lord' he mentions a bunch of rather mundane jobs in this song, but tells you to do it for the Lord. So, I started to turn everyday over to God for His glory in my morning prayers. When I started to look at it as I was working for God, doing these things for Him, I started to feel fulfilled by them. So, my point is, do all that you do for the glory of the Kingdom, and pass all praise on to the one who truly deserves it, the one who provided you with what you have to use and all other good things in life.

Psalm 103:2
Let all that I am praise the Lord; may I never forget the good things He does for me.

James 1:16-17
16 Don’t be deceived, my dear brothers and sisters. 17 Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows

            

Change of Perspective

      Over the last four days I haven't posted anything, which I know is unusual for me, but it was important that I took that break from social media and unplugged for several days with my family. I was starting to feel overwhelmed by all of it and needed uninterrupted time with my family and God to refocus, and reconnect. Now, today I feel recharged and reenergized!
       There is something special, something revitalizing in spending time away from social media and spending it with those that are important to you, my husband and I took a camping trip over this extended weekend and I really think it made a huge difference for us.  We spent three days in a pretty secluded campground with maybe ten other campers all spread out over the grounds. There was so much peace, quiet, and beauty. All this quiet and the slow pace of our days at the campground provided us with lots of time to talk, reflect, and pray. One of the things I prayed about a lot was learning to let go of my need to control things and giving it up to God, especially where money is concerned.
      I love to give, I love helping others, I'm the type of person that keeps a few bucks in my pocket  just in case I run into someone who might need it, but I focus a lot on what's in my bank account. I worry a lot about money, spending hours and days focused on my finances, and still rarely ending up a head, causing me to stress, and worry more, and to obsess even more. I realized over my break where I was unplugged from everything, just how much I had been stressing myself out. I realized also, that my spending and giving weren't the problems, it was how I viewed money that was the problem.
        I'd look at my bills, and my income every week and say things like, 'Once I pay this off life will be easier, if I can just get this much saved up than I won't worry anymore, just this much more and I'll have enough to do this.' And while to a degree these are good things to be aware of, and you should have financial plans and goals your worries about them shouldn't consume you the way they were me. It wasn't just the day that I balanced and paid everything that I was thinking like this, it was everyday, almost as frequently as I prayed I would think about my finances. This kind of obsessive thought seemed rational to me before the trip, after all, if I'm not careful things could get out of hand.
       The truth is though, that even with my best efforts to be careful, and checking things as much as I could and thinking and planning all the time about it, things were getting out of hand anyway. I just couldn't make anything work the way I had planned. I felt like I was treading water and just barely staying afloat. This is when I realized my problem. I was expecting money to provide me with a sense of security, I was giving it a place of power and authority in my life. While we need money to pay bills, and go and do things, money is not the most important thing, God is, and the more I worried about money, the less I trusted Him with my financial provisions and tried to control it myself. This failed.
      Before I got my current job I used to write a financial plan each month, and at the top of each plan I would write a prayer giving that months financial blessings or concerns to the Lord. I checked it once a week to make sure I stayed on task, but I didn't worry because I had given it to God already, I just trusted that it would all work out. Then, after I got this job making more I stopped doing it, and for a while didn't worry much at all. Then a banking error occurred and ever since I've gone crazy worrying and obsessing about my finances. Today though, I'm committing it back to God. Giving up my worries, and trusting. I'm going back to my monthly plans, and prayers. I'm not holding anything back anymore because God can handle things so much better than I can!

Psalms 68:19
Blessed be the Lord, who daily bears our burdens, even the God who is our salvation. Selah.

1 Peter 5:6-7
6 Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time; 7 casting all your anxiety upon him, because he careth for you
Deuteronomy 15:10-11
10 "You shall generously give to him, and your heart shall not be grieved when you give to him, because for this thing the LORD your God will bless you in all your work and in all your undertakings. 11 "For the poor will never cease to be in the land; therefore I command you, saying, 'You shall freely open your hand to your brother, to your needy and poor in your land.' 

Struggling Against Comfort

     As I rocked an over tired baby to sleep in my arms and watched him struggle to stay awake I thought of how often we are like that. There are times when we all struggle against our needs for our wants. As I held the crying baby, comforting him, kissing him, rocking him, holding him close to my heart I thought about how this is what I often do with God, I fight against His love and comfort because I'm not getting what I want.
       I know God has good things stored up for me, I just have to stay in His will, but often I find myself struggle against Him as He holds me trying to calm my soul, reminding me that what He is doing in my life is best. I don't usually recognize it right away, to be honest, but I do know I do it, and actually I have been doing it all week. I've been demanding things my way, in my time, instead of just trusting that my Father knows my needs. I've made my week harder than it needed to be, just like my little one was making his day harder on himself by trying so hard to stay awake when he really needed rest. We made ourselves grouchy and ill-tempered, and then took it out on the people who were trying to help us feel better.
       Thankfully, we both ended up giving into our needs. Realizing what I had been doing I have asked the Father for forgiveness that I know I already have received, and my dear little one is now fast asleep on my chest as I type this. It's never to late to do the right thing or ask forgiveness with God. He loves us unconditionally and always; trusting Him is hard sometimes, but not because of who He is, but because of who we are, children chasing the new and interesting without thinking about the long term. Our planets current state is a perfect example of this, we were given a planet perfectly designed to supply our needs, and now its dyeing because of the smog and pollution we put here in the pursuit of our wants.
       If you have been struggling with God, asking for answers about something or resolution in a situation like I was this week, could it be that you are really fighting the comfort and rest He is providing? Maybe it's not that He isn't answering you, maybe you're just over tired and need to let go of your burden and rest in the arms of the Lord.

Job 15:11-13

11 Are God’s consolations not enough for you,

words spoken gently to you?

12 Why has your heart carried you away,

and why do your eyes flash,

13 so that you vent your rage against God

and pour out such words from your mouth?  

 

2 Corinthians 1:3-4

3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.