It Takes Three

      The best piece of marriage advice I ever received came from my great Uncle, he wasn't able to attend my wedding due to his health at the time, but sent a card. Inside the card he gave us a monetary gift as is customary, but also some great advice. He wrote inside some blessings for our marriage and said that the most important thing in marriage is not actually either of us, but God because it takes three to make the marriage work. He told us to keep God first, and go to Him with any disagreement we may have, and He would always settle the matter for us.
      I have thought about his advice almost every day since I took my vows, and knowing that this was how my Uncle has lived in both of his marriages(he was a widower and has since remarried), which were/are highly blessed with love and happiness, we put into practice his advice. We aren't always successful at this, but we do try together to always honor God in our marriage and put Him first.  Part of  this is separating ourselves from outside distractions, people who try to stir strife, or try to plant seeds of  doubt, or will lie to break the bonds of marriage, or people who try to insert themselves into a marriage and divide you. These types of distractions are every where, and often on the surface don't seem like it, but anything or anyone who encourages you to break, disregard, or tries to twist the meaning of a Godly marriage is a distraction.
       Sometimes the distractions are easier to spot than others, and sometimes our well meaning friends can become the distraction. An example of a well meaning friend being a distraction is, you've had an argument with your husband or he has done something that upset you so you call a friend for comfort. As you relate to them your version of what happened instead of comforting you and helping you to discover a path of resolution for the issue they start saying things like 'I don't know why you put up with that, I wouldn't.' or 'If I were in your shoes I'd leave.' or other things to that affect, of course there are certain situations in which this advice is appropriate, like if there is domestic violence, but other wise this well meaning friend has become a destructive force to your marriage, especially if you happen to listen to them.
      The bottom line comes down to this in any circumstance though, is this person's advice or presence helping or hindering my relationship with God and my spouse? When this occurs you have a decision to make, do you continue to go to this friend for advice and comfort, or do you go somewhere else? If you conclude through careful thought and prayer that they are a hindrance its probably best to cut out them out of your life, or keep them at a greater distance. It may be painful to do so at first but after a short time with this distraction out of the way you will see improvements in your marriage.
        I have had to cut some people out that I had hoped would be long time friends, but I started to discover that the longer I knew them, and discussed my marriage with them, the less content I became.  When I realized what was happening I looked at my marriage, and prayed for guidance. I realized after doing that, that it wasn't actually my marriage that I was unhappy with, but simply this other person's opinion of my marriage that made me unhappy. I had let them distract me, I had let them talk me into being discontented with something that until they showed up was a huge blessing to me. I made the decision after that to separate myself from them, and eventually told her we couldn't be friends anymore.
          When you take your vows in a church wedding the people gathered there are asked to help support the two of you on your journey, this is a vow made before God, just like the vows you take with your spouse, to break either vow is to dishonor God. The people you keep close in your life should be helping and supporting you to honor God, if what they are telling you is contradictory to God's law, than you'll probably better off without them.
      My uncle said a successful marriage takes three, and he wasn't wrong, you need God and two people who are willing to work everyday to honor Him. You need to spend time in the word, building your relationship with the Father, and your spouse, so that when distractions come along you can recognize them and resolve it right away.

Proverbs 2 16-19

16 Wisdom will save you also from the adulterous woman,

from the wayward woman with her seductive words,

17 who has left the partner of her youth

and ignored the covenant she made before God.

18 Surely her house leads down to death

and her paths to the spirits of the dead.

19 None who go to her return

or attain the paths of life.

 

1 John 2:28-29

28 And now, dear children, continue in him, so that when he appears we may be confident and unashamed before him at his coming.

29 If you know that he is righteous, you know that everyone who does what is right has been born of him.