Breaking out of Loneliness

     There are times where it is easier to feel God's presence than others. There are times when our faith is stronger than other times. I thought about this this morning while I got ready for work. Sometimes, I feel very close to Him, and so sure of what I am doing, and I know that what I am doing is pleasing Him. And other times I feel completely alone, and I get these doubts that creep into my mind. I do my best in those times to not give voice to my doubts, because I understand that what we speak can affect our lives. But those moments are still there, and they are difficult.
     I have found in those difficult times, where I have doubts, or feel distant from God that reading scripture or devotionals helps. In fact its often exactly in those moments when I am seeking Him desperately because I don't feel His presence, that He will remind me that He is there. It may be a verse, or a line in a worship song, maybe something in that devotional that reminds me that even when I don't feel Him He is near, because it is thru Jesus that I now live. Sometimes this doesn't happen right away though, sometimes I have to seek God a little harder and speak faith, speak praise, until something does happen.
     This morning I thought about this and how the same principle could be used for relationships between other people too, not just my relation with God. There are people in my life who I love but I feel distant from, and I realized when I thought about my relationship with God and how much I work at it, that I need to do the same in my personal life with other people. Relationships require work, and effort to succeed.
     It may sound odd to some, but forming and maintaining relationships with people is very hard for me, I actually find it much easier to have a relationship with God, than having a relationship with  most humans. And as I write this I realize that part of the reason behind it is fear. I always tell people that I'm not social person, and while that is true to an extant, there are times that I need people and because of my actions (like avoiding calls or invitations out) I find myself lonely.
        I have my husband, and my family, and a couple friends that I actually almost never hang out with, so I know that the fault is my own. This fear I have of people and relationships isn't something that was always there. It's developed over time partly due to being bullied pretty bad in school, and partly due to some seriously bad relationships I had after graduation. I became so hurt, and scared, and mistrustful after this that I barely inter act with anyone outside my family. I hide my true self away from people around me, but long for a friend who understands. And although I know I always have a friend in Jesus, I also know He wants us to have relationships, friendships, and companionship.
       I am wondering now what things this fear has held me back from? What have I missed out on because I am too afraid to let people in? I don't really know how to break through this fear except to start letting people in, no matter how afraid I am, no matter how vulnerable I am, and how much it might hurt. I know it won't be easy, but I also know that God brings people into our lives for a reason, and if I trust Him, I need to trust that too.

Psalm 12:7-8

7 You, Lord, will keep the needy safe

and will protect us forever from the wicked,

8 who freely strut about

when what is vile is honored by the human race