I'm Not Who I Was

       Another school year is ending and I'm seeing stuff everywhere for proms and graduation parties, and I can't help thinking back, looking into the past and remembering what that time of life was like for me. A lot of people have really fond high school memories, and I hear a lot of people telling these young kids that are about to graduate that high school is the best time of their life and they are going to look back and miss it one day. Well, I'm 27 now, and I don't miss high school. I don't miss the humiliation, I don't miss the drama, and I don't miss the kids I went to school with. I look back at that time in my life and am grateful I made it through alive, and I'll be very honest about this, it was touch and go for a long time whether I would make it out of there alive or not. Everyday I was plagued by thoughts of suicide.
        When I think back to school, and who I was then and shortly after graduation it makes me sad. I was a very hurt, lonely, young woman who was afraid to let people in. I was angry at the world, defensive, and cold towards people. I learned to be suspicious of everyone and to keep people at an arms length. Then, when I did eventually let people in, they ended up being no better for me than those kids at school were, hurting and taking advantage me because I was too foolish to tell them no.  But something has happened to me since then, I'm not who I once was.
         I can't be sure exactly when, or how it happened, but somewhere along the way I became strong, I became confident, I became someone else, someone I like. Someone who I finally feel is worthy of love, someone who shows love to others. I know this transition took place over a long period of time, starting after I met my husband. But I wouldn't say that he, alone, is responsible for the change, he has supported me through these changes and helped me to learn that I do have value, that I am more than the circumstances I was born into, that I am more than what I have been taught to believe about myself. But honestly I really believe God is responsible for the change in me. I really think anyone who knew me before would be surprised by who I am now. I am surprised by who I am.  My entire perspective on life has changed, and my attitude is a complete 180, from what was before. I know I have a new heart now, and I know that my heart isn't done changing. I am not afraid anymore and that is definitely because of God, because of the trust I have in His plan for my life.
     You have a chance today to start a new path for your life, a chance to become someone new, someone you like. Take it from me, the world broke me before, it broke me so bad I tried to end my life but it didn't have to go that way for me, and it doesn't have to go that way for you either, God has bigger plans. He stepped in and changed  things as soon as I gave Him my all, and in return He has given me strength, healing, and comfort the kind that transforms from the inside and can only come from the Father. He can make you whole, He can make you someone new, so that before you even realize it you are looking back and saying 'I'm not who I was,' if only you are willing to put Him first and give Him your all. Be blessed.

Ezekiel 36:26-27
 26 I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. 27 And I will put my Spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws.