Two years ago today my lovely, wonderful, adventurous aunt passed away from colon cancer, the next day one of my cousins was killed in a car accident, and four days after that my grandfather died from an infection. When I woke up this morning and wrote the date on my morning note to my husband, I shivered and fought back tears. Two years later and I still grieve, I still mourn their loss, I miss them and it hurts.
Everyday I listen to the radio station Klove as I drive into work, and as it turns out 5 years ago Canklefritz, one of the morning host, lost his dad. So this morning they were talking about that, and they played an old clip of Canklefritz on another station talking to a thirteen year old boy about loss. The boy said he had to put down a beloved pet and he cried and questioned God, and God answered him. The boy asked the same question we all ask when we are about to lose or have lost someone we love, why. He said God answered him by explaining it serves a purpose. Sometimes we may not see it right now, because sometimes the effects of something are years down the road. But there is a purpose to it. And that God understands the pain we are going through when we have to watch someone suffer and die because He had to watch His son die, but the purpose was greater.
This was exactly what I needed to hear this morning. I needed to be reminded that my God understands, and that although I am hurting and have an aching heart today, my loved ones did not die in vain. God can use their deaths, use that loss, for something good. I needed this so much. I cried when I listened to this little boy speak those words through his tears, and I am crying now as I write this. I still hurt, I still miss them, and I probably always will, that's just the risk of loving someone, but God understands, and who knows what fruit will come from this.
I want to try today and all this week to remember them, which isn't really hard I think about them often, but I want to remember with smiles not tears. I want to be grateful today. I want to honor their memories today and not mourn them. So that's my goal, I want to try a different attitude and approach to this, I don't want to spend another week this year on the verge of tears feeling bad for myself because I hurt. I want to try to do something to honor them and be grateful that they were part of my life. I'm not sure yet what that will be, so if you read this and have an idea please let me know. I think this will really help me to heal, and it's time to heal I think. I can still miss them, but I need to let go, I can't spend my whole life in mourning. God does not want us to keep ourselves in pain, to keep ourselves burdened, he wants us to be happy, I know this because what parent wouldn't? What caregiver wouldn't want to see their precious ones happy? So today will honor their memory, and give my pain up to God and allow Him to comfort and heal my broken heart.
2 Corinthians 1:3-4
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.
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