Sometimes we put things away on our emotional shelves and label it with 'Do not open' or 'Keep closed till stronger' but eventually that stuff comes off the shelf, whether we are ready or not. That's what's happening with me right now. A few years ago I had some pretty bad relationships that were running and ruining my life. I'm not going to go into the details of what was going on, if someone wants to ask questions I'll address them privately, but what I will say is that these situations have left deep emotional scars that I'm just now learning to cope with.
Recently it's become necessary to start dealing with these things. My time for putting them off is coming to an end and I need to face what happened, and learn to use these hurts to build my strength instead of allowing them to break me. Years later and the pain is still so raw that I can cry and still do sometimes, but I need to face it, and work through it, it's the only way to let it go. I don't want to carry this emotional baggage around anymore, so I'm giving it up to God, and facing these issues head on. I'm tired of the devil reminding me of this pain, and I'm tired of being hurt by these memories.
I know now that the only way to stop these things from hurting me is to deal with them, I can't avoid the pain anymore. I know that once I face up to what happened, the effects it had, and start freeing myself from it I will be better, and stronger. It's hard though, there's a part of me that says it hurts too much, just forget about it and pretend like you never experienced that. But if I do that I will never be able to really be free of it. I will always be battling to suppress it.
So, here's what I am doing now. I am taking small bits and pieces of the pain out of the box and looking at them, and for the first time I'm telling myself it wasn't my fault, I didn't make them treat me that way, despite what they said. Yes, I allowed it to happen, I am guilty of that, I should have left, but I didn't, I was just too scared. I am telling myself that it is okay to be hurt and angry, that I am safe now and that part of my life is over. I am also reminding myself of the time that has passed, I am looking at that broken, fragile, angry girl I used to be and saying that's not me, I am not her anymore.
It's hard to do this, and it's going to be a struggle, but I have God, I have my wonderful husband, and our loving family. It's time. It's time to face who I was and what happened, and let it go so I can become who God intends me to be. No more running from it, no more avoiding it, I am taking away Satan's ability to use these things to hurt me, I'm giving the pain, and all the hurt away to God and allowing the Father to heal me.
Matthew 11:28-30
Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”
Ephesians 4:26-27
Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil.
Philippians 4:7
And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Psalm 30:5
His anger last only a moment, but his favor last a lifetime; weeping may stay for the night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.
No comments:
Post a Comment