Chaos Inside

     I've been praying a lot lately for guidance, pretty much everyday. There's a battle raging inside and I can't figure out what's winning. I know that if I hold onto faith and listen to the spirit that this chaos will bear fruit, and lead into something great. But I struggle with chaos.
     Chaos and indecision are my enemies. I am a make up your mind and go for it person. I wasn't always, but it's a trait that developed in me out of frustration and chaos, there's that fruit I was talking about. Each battle and internal conflict I have gone through has built me into a better, stronger person, and has taken me to places I never imagined!
      But I find it unsettling when I feel the spirit stirring inside me and I don't understand how to determine what it is calling me to do. Like, for example, I want to start a family and buy a house. These are things my husband and I have wanted to do for years, and we agree that ultimately this is what we want. I know The Lord is setting us on a path for big changes and big things this year, I am CERTAIN of that. But there's this whispering that has started inside me, that keeps saying now is not the time for these things.
      We've been talking a lot lately about starting a business. I have a good paying job now, and he has a brilliant mind for business, he just doesn't like being responsible for someone else's store. Part of me feels very drawn to this, I have always told him I believe he could be very successful and happy running his own business, but we are uncertain as to whether the oppurtunity we want to take is going to work due to changing laws where we live. But through research I have found that it can be done in other places. Is this what we are being called to? Should we consider moving? It is something we both have always wanted, but all my family is here and we depend on each other a lot. But I feel like if we stay here we will trapped here and I've known since I was a little girl this is not where I am meant to spend my whole life.
      So much confusion and no clear answers. I am relying on faith to tell us where to go. I feel that this year will reveal a lot to us, and in its progression we will discover the path we need to take. God will guide us. Despite the chaos I have a sense that we will not be wasting another year of our lives figuring out what we want, this year will make the course of our lives clear. I guess what I really need is patience to endure the chaos until the fruit is ready.

James 5 10-11
10 brothers and sisters, as an example of patience in the face of suffering, take the prophets who spoke in the name of The Lord. 11 as you know we count as blessed those who have perserved. You have heard of Job's perservance and seen what The Lord finally brought about. The Lord is full of compassion and mercy.