Meant for More

     I have never really felt like I belonged in the world I exist in. I don't mean that I feel like I am from another world or anything crazy like that, but just that my surroundings and current lifestyle don't accurately reflect who I was meant to be. Like I was meant for more, that I am supposed to be doing better financially than what I am. I know pretty much everyone wants to be doing better financially, or have a crazy fabulous lifestyle. But it's not just a want or a desire for me, my spirit tells me all the time 'you were meant for more than this.'  I feel like I was born to live a life where we are financial security. I know that might sounds really greedy, but its what I feel and have always felt.
     From the time I was young I have always seen myself at my ten year high school reunion as successful and starting a family. Always, even when my biggest ambition in life was being a teacher. I have always known that by the time I was 28 I would be living a very different life. I wouldn't be struggling to stay ahead or get out of debt anymore. It's just something that's always been inside of me. I feel like I am at the point now where I am preparing to walk into this future.
     I am really not certain what I am doing. I am completely clueless honestly. But I trust what's inside me. I trust God. I don't believe this would have been laid so heavily on my heart since childhood if it wasn't meant to be. I think that is why whenever I would settle into a situation and go 'well this is my life and how it will always be,'  everything would immediately start falling a part and either I would decide to change, to take a new direction, or God would pull the rug out from under me to force me to look up at Him and obey.
     I don't yet fully understand what it is exactly that God has planned for me and my husband. But I know the coffee shop is part of it. I know there will children, but not yet. He has told me to let go of my will on this situation and be patient for His timing. So like Sarah I wait, knowing its in my future but that I must trust God for now.  I know that we are destined to be blessed abundantly, and to give to the poor in the same manner. I know that there will be many obstacles to getting to this promised future too, mainly doubt and fear.
      My whole life that's been the case, before a breakthrough that leads me to something better than what I have now, I must first conquer doubt and fear. But when I do, I never regret it. I only regret when I let fear win...even if its not my fear I'm battling. I've learned not to give in, that I can look fear in the eye and say my God is bigger, but not everyone is like that. I pray for strength to defeat fear, and to walk in grace into this victory, and promised future of abundance.

Psalm 66:12
You let people ride over our heads; we went through fire and water; but you brought us to a place of abundance.